Week 4. Every emotion has set in. A waffling post.

[amandaparker503]

Hi.

Posted many a time, was boarding stalking, bunny boiler, what ever you wish to call it.

Since then i cleared the air with the ex, said we should be friends.

I made no contact for one week, that is amazing for me. In this period of time, i have gone from crying every day, not eating and just re living how much he told me he loved me and wanted our baby etc, to now just hating him, i am really angry with him, i feel although i set myself up to be blamed for the stalkng part, there were times where he has emotionally controlled me.

 

It is weird, this whole emtionally stuff, what next?

I find that i am able to get up and do things, i am not 100% happy , but i am moving on in the right direction.

 

Yesterday i went back to his kicboxing club, and none of my girl friends where there, i bumped into his two best mates first and it was so hard but i said hello and smiled. I know they know every little details about us ,so that was so so scary.

He never said hello, he made very little eye contact with me and only spoke to tell me i needed to move my hips round to do a kick better!..so only when he had to. I smiled and did what was asked.

I had a lot of support from the guys, many were very happy to see me back and that gave me a confidence boost, many asked if i was Ok as my ex must have told them it was over. So again that was nice.

 

At the end of the club, i said goodbye to him, loud and proud.

 

I got home, i didnt cry i just felt so proud that i went and faced it all.

I saw hiim again today at the gym and again he gives me no eye contact, but says hello. Again i smile sweetly.

 

How am i doing? Is this a normal phase.

I have to say , i will STILL not contact him, though today i really miss him, but i am writing here to keep my mind and thoughs in control and to stop me going down that road.

I have no choice but to see him, it is not every day , will defo be one a week at the club, which i refuse to give up as i am training up for my first fight, as for the gym, i go at lunch time and he works from there, but rarely is there at lunch time.

The weird bit: I feel that every day i manage without him. I am trying to make new friends, as i am quite new to my area, i keep busy with my son. (Who was saying today he would be so happy is my ex was at home!..nighmare!) however, i really want to think that if i dont make contact, he will miss me, or start to wonder what i am up to. I just want to feel that he wants me still. How silly, maybe just human nature or the phase you go through because of rejection. Dont know , i just remember how deeply he loved me(past tense!) and i think it is impossible to stop that!. Or maybe i am not moving on like i think i am.

Does anyone have any thoughts on that!

 

Would i take him back?...No. To be honest i think the way i reacted to the split has more than likely sealed the fact he does not love me anymore, but i dont think i would take him back anyhow. He knew that i was going downhill and was diagnosed with depression, and he walked away from me saying he can not help. Although part of me , is starting to also see that i should no way be in a relationship until my own head is happy.

 

Oh i dont even know what i am waffling on about. I am just at a very weird phase. I miss the guy still, i dont want the guy, i want him to miss me, i wonder if he will ever call, i am angry , but also a bit more at peace!

 

Thanks for listening.

And to anyone going through the first phase, it does get strangely better

[FLOWERSTARS]

I think you sound very strong. I dont think I could go to a class my ex ran anytime soon.

[Karma101]

Hey Amanda!

 

I read your post a while back and it sounds like you are doing much better. My BF and I broke up this past weekend. We dated for 9 months. He was separated and ended up doing back to his wife. Today was supposed to be their final mediation.

 

Anyway, our parting was very emotional. Lots of feelings and tears. Obviously we agreed no contact. Like you, I can't help but wonder if he misses me, if he's having trouble with this like I am. It's so hard to go from spending every single day with someone to nothing. I thought I might hear something from him, even if just a short text message. But then again, if he did that while reconciling with his wife, he wouldn't be the man I feel in love with.

 

Your progress gives me hope. I'm still in the no sleep, no eating phase. This just sucks out loud!

[amandaparker503]

I really feel for you and totally understand when you say it is hard to go from contact everyday to nothing, it is a very lonely, sad and confusing time.

I can only promise you it just clicks one day, you wake up and somehow have the strenght to put it away and that is when your life will slowly start getting back together.

 

Today and yesterday i have had contact from new friends i am trying to make, so far so good and i have something to do this weekend. Phew.

Keeping busy really is the key, go stay with your folks, your friens, just keep around people who can support you, listen or just let you go over the same old thing.

 

I am no way over him, i no way will forget ever what we had as it sure was passionate , emotional and i do feel true love, it was just the wrong time and to much hurt was placed on each other.

 

I hope things get better for you, dont let him come back to you if things fail with his wife, this guy doesnt sound like he knows what he wants. I dont know him to assume that , but that is what it appears like.

 

Stay strong x