lsjinkins Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I hope I can find someone to help me out here, and hopefully not judge me. I am 25 and have been married to my husband for almost 2 years now. I knew he looked at porn magazines before we got together, but now that we are married, I feel he should be lusting over me only. Once my husband discovered free internet porn, it was on! Every chance he gets at work (he drives around all day) when he can get a wireless connection to his laptop, and even at home when I am in the next room. He has HUNDREDS of saved pictures and videos now. I feel it is emotional cheating, even though our sex life is good. (I go through the motions and act aroused, but all I can think about is if he's imagining me as someone else) I am extremely depressed about this, and I have tried to talk to him about it, but he gets angry and defensive. At one time he put a profile on a site for 1 on 1 sex, but told me when I found it that he was just trying to get pictures. He realized it was wrong and apologized. I even tested him with a fake myspace profile, and even though he would talk dirty with this girl (extremely graphic, made me physically ill) he told her he wasn't interested in meeting her. I feel alone. I am home all day with our 2 kids, while he is at work looking at this stuff instead of calling me to say hi or maybe send me a naughty email?!? Am I not attractive or desireable enough to want to talk dirty with? I feel undesireable and ugly, no matter how many times he tells me hes attracted to me and I turn him on. I tried taking some pictures of myself, even some videos for him to look at on his laptop, but spy software has shown me he does not even open the files, he hasn't since I put them on there. He promised he wouldnt look at it at work and he lied. I am considering separation. I love this man with all my heart and soul, he is my soul mate, but I can't live this way. I am taking out my hurt on my kids, pushing them away and telling them to go play, so I can sit and try and figure out how to cope with the hurt and dissapointment. He knows it hurts me to no end, but says every guy does it and there's nothing wrong with it, and he won't stop "casually surfing". I want to tell him "If I leave, and you still insist on looking at porn instead of trying to fix our relationship, it's over" I have never spoke about this to anyone. I need help so badly. I am so broken, so hurt. I can't stop crying about it, and it consumes my mind every day. Someone please help me, I don't want to separate, but I want him to understand that this is a serious problem for me, and it hurts so bad I am willing to leave. Please someone give me some advice! PS. He will not go to counseling, I have tried that, he says he doesn;t have a problem. But isn't your wife being unhappy and feeling insecure and unwanted a problem??
Billy Bob Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I think you are overreacting a bit.. all normal young guys look at porn on the internet.. Maybe he is just going through a phase? After a while the stuff just gets boring. If it really bothers you, start looking at male porn in front of him, start doing the same things he is... Maybe that will bring out some insecurities in him and show him how you feel?
midnightblue69 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Porn can be a very dangerous and consuming addiction. Reading your story I hear alot of issues. I infer alot of problems on his part and yours. I am feeling you have real jealousy issues and that can be far more destructive than porn. I don't like the fact that you are obsessed with spying on your husband (my wife said it sounds like you need a job) You are very foolish to believe that if he enjoyed porn before you were married that the act of marriage was going to suddenly change that. It doesn't work that way. It sounds as if you are very blessed to be in a situation to be a stay at home mom. I have seen many women who dont fully appreciate that situation. Porn and the internet in general often get abused almost like a drug. It provides a way to "zone out" after a stressful day. I threw myself into the internet and even porn at times in my life when my wife simply wasn't there for me emotionally and we were fighting alot. I would strongly suggest you evaluate your marriage and consider weather you are there for him in the ways that HE needs. I have seen a lot of women who believe they are there for their huhbands but they are acting on what they percieve his needs are. Not what he feels his needs are. If you feel he really has an unhealthy porn addiction, you heed to treat it as such. If he wont see a counselor, perhaps you should by yourself to gain insite into how to best help him with his problems. It may take a lot of tact, but dont be quick to throw your marriage away. If he has health issues you need to support him and try to help him. Thats what you signed on to do when you married him. If its any consolation, when I was involved too much with porn it was a mental stimulus. I still thought my wife was as beautiful as ever, I still loved her with all my heart. I still wanted to be with her but the porn is a mental stimulus much like a drug. I never thought any less of her although she felt I did. Myself and your husband should have been more concerned with our wives feeling but I have learned and hopefully he will too.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Communication is the key, if it bothers you. it's your job to discuss it with him the make him aware and get a resolution going. If he ignores your plea, then it's time to move to a more radical solution. Nearly every looks at porn at some point, but if it's to the point where it's detrimental to the relationship, that calls for action. Good luck,
Mr. Lucky Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 He knows it hurts me to no end, but says every guy does it and there's nothing wrong with it, and he won't stop "casually surfing". Your H is in denial and what he's doing is wrong. If many guys have a beer, is it OK for him to get falling down drunk every night? You're going to have to give him a fairly simple choice - you or "them". It may take you actually leaving to wake him up and get him to deal with your problems... Mr. Lucky
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