MarilynM Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Hi - posted a few months ago about a new partner who was separated and treated me badly, well I kicked his ass to the curb straight after reading the advice here. Now - I just met a new man one month ago and we started dating. He separated from his wife (of five years) around six months ago, no children. His wife moved out and left him six months ago but now wants to come back but he says he is not interested in getting back with her. However, his wife is not giving up and calls/texts him constantly, she drives past and knows when my car is there then calls him and tells him to go into another room to talk, which he does. I found out that within the last month they slept together although he says this is just before him and I met and subsequently slept together. I found this out because his ex came to his house whilst I was there and stood outside shouting into the house that he was sleeping with us both. He then had to admit it. I have asked him for the date(s) that he slept with her but he is being cagey. He insists very strongly that he wants to be with me and will never get back with his wife. I am not quite sure what to do. Is it acceptable for a man to have slept with his wife after separation if it was just before him meeting a new partner? I did ask him straight away when we met if they were sleeping together and he said no it had been several years since they had slept together. So he lied about that - what else is he lying about? Any advice appreciated.
Lucky_One Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I don't like being lied to. I would personally ask him to call me when the D is final. Separated guys are sometimes really really screwed up.
nicki Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I agree. Let him call you when the whole mess is done. If you decide to stay, then at least make sure he is laying down some firm boundaries with the ex wife. No calls. No contact, except through the lawyers. Is the divorce moving forward? And why isn't he giving you the dates? Because something is up? That's what I would think. I can understand why he MIGHT have lied to you about when he slept with his wife BEFORE he met you. He might have been worried that you wouldn't have gotten involved with him if he had recently slept with his ex. But, he lied and it was wrong. I could forgive it, but only if he was forthcoming from this point on....and if he hadn't slept with ex wife after getting involved with me. That's a dealbreaker. So be sure.
singlelife Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 i would give him a chance. maybe it's more complicated than you know. if it doesn't work out then it doesn't. just because someone doesn't always do the right thing doesn't mean they always mean to do bad
gd26 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 i would give him a chance. maybe it's more complicated than you know. if it doesn't work out then it doesn't. just because someone doesn't always do the right thing doesn't mean they always mean to do bad I totally disagree with this. I see way too many people 'settling' for crap treatment. Why?? Don't we deserve people who treat us with respect and dignity and honesty? Is that too much to ask? I think you are settling for a lousy relationship with unnecessary drama. Value yourself more highly, dump this loser, and move forward with your life. Being in a relationship (rather than no relationship at present) may feel good... but honestly do you think you have a future with this man? Is he the one you dream of marrying someday? He sounds like a creep. There is no long term potential, so why settle for the crumbs he gives you? It might be painful to move forward, but it's going to be a lot more painful the longer you hold on...
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