Bells Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I see how some women are friends with guys....and I'd hear how guys would say how wonderful said woman is...and I'd ask, "So why aren't you dating her?" Or vice-versa. And they'd say, "I don't want to ruin the friendship" Is that a load of BS or what? LOL I mean, you're man...she's a woman.....make a move!
Tony T Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Fact is, usually one party to the friendship wants more than the other and the one who wants more is totally aware of the feelings of the other in this regard....so the one who cares romantically doesn't make a move for fear he or she won't be able to be around the one they care about anymore. Yep, it sounds wild but that's the way it happens. If the one who cares more than a friend makes the disclosure, the other party becomes uncomfortable usually and the friendship either changes or terminates. The ONLY way it works after that point is if the one who doesn't care as much wants to use or take advantage of the one who cares in some way. If you don't care so much for somebody, it's so easy to have them do things for you, take you out to dinner, movies, etc., and not have to reciprocate in any sexual way BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST A FRIEND. Unfortunately, the one who cares may spend years being really wonderful to the other...hoping things will eventually change and the deal will become a center of romantic bliss...but it seldom happens that way. One day down the road the one who cares in a romantic way realizes he or she is being used. If they're smart, they'll get out of the deal. Usually, they are pretty stupid and hope...beyond all possibility...that it still may change. The one who cares usually gets the message when the "friend" starts telling them how they are banging their new boyfriend or girlfriend five times a day except when the female is on her period, whereby the uncaring friend has time to spend with the idiot who is in love with them. I hope this helps you understand.
djhall Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 From what I have seen, most people have problems going backwards from lovers to friends. Usually, when the romantic relationship ends the friendship ends as well. This puts people in the situation of having to weigh how much they value having the person as a friend, how badly they want to be more than friends, and how confident they are that they can successfuly transition the relatonship from friends to lovers. If you really value keeping them as a friend, if you aren't head over heels in love with them, or you think there are reasons you never became lovers before, it sometimes makes more sense to play it safe and stay friends than to roll the dice and gamble the friendship on a bet that you can win them as a lover.
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