confusedandempty Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Sometimes I feel so stupid that I don't deserve to exist. It all started earlier this summer when I met a girl in a school program abroad. She is from the same country as I. I knew her friend (a girl), who was with her there, before we went abroad. The first days we got along great and her (our) friend told me that she liked me. I didn't do anything about it - as she told me that she was moving to another town which is approx. 600 miles away. Knowing that I wouldn't have time in the following semester for a LDR - I backed off and kept my distance in a sort of way. I just knew I couldn't fall for her because of that. Well the summer came and afterwards I have realized that this 8 weeks were the best weeks of my life. We got along great. Studied together, partied together - We also combined these two, when we spent many evenings writing essays and drinking beer. Even going together grocery shopping turned out to be a lot more fun than I've imagined. Yet, it was always in the back of my mind that 3 days after she would get home, she would move far far far away. When she left (I stayed for few more days, travelling) we had some IM chats. And she asked if I missed her - and told me that she missed me. She also told me that she was writing an essay and drinking beer with her friend and that reminded her so much of me. Since we had that chat (few weeks back) - I pretty much haven't stopped thinking about her. Last weekend I met her for the first time since she left the country we spent the summer in. It was at her graduation party - so we didn't have much time to talk (she had to entertain all the other guests as well). During the party she grabbed my wrist several times when she came talking to me. When the party ended everybody were going to this club. She told me specifically to come. However at the club she looked distant and didn't show much interest in talking to me. I must admit, that she was in uncomfortable position - as all of her male friends seemed to be talking to her at the same time. So I just backed off. Later in the evening she approached kissed me quickly on the chin and said ... I've gotta go. I see you later ... so cold that I was quite shocked. So I kissed her back on the chin and asked when she will be in town next time (answer: I don't know - maybe monday ... maybe November). I must admit that I've fallen completely for this girl and I had a lot of time to do something about it in the summer. Well, that's water under the bridge and I can't change that now. She seemed to have some interest according to the miss you IM chats but I just don't know how to approach. I don't wanna come on to strong, but of course I must stay clear of the dreaded friends zone. I am so lost and confused these days and I don't know how to act. To end this story of mine I would like to say that we're both the same age, 26 and we life in N-Sweden. Driving conditions are really bad here in the winter which is a part of why I didn't want a LDR back in the summer. I am seriously ready to reconsider that All inputs will be appreciated... Thank you for reading
Author confusedandempty Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Does nobody have any input here?? I'm totally lost and could use some other people perspective on this. Please help if you can.
ed-205 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 OK, I'll add mine. I've been there, done that. Sometimes I'd meet a girl and she would come on fairly strong, then seem to lose all interest, although she'd usually want to keep me on "hold" as a "special friend". I've even had women like that sabotage potential relationships for me with other women. Never could figure out why. In any event, I think you ought to just let her go her own way, and get back to living your own life. In fact, I think you should go NC with her, because I've wasted *years* of my life waiting for women like this to come-around. Life's too short for the "on-again / off-again" relationship game. The only way to win is not to play.
Author confusedandempty Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Thank you Ed for your input. However I'm not ready to go NC on this girl. This is the first time she has been so distant and cold and I believe that may be related to lack of interest I've been showing her. I mean, she has been flirting for the whole summer and I've been standing next to her, also flirty but nothing more. One more thing that I forgot to mention is, that she only moved away temporarily for about 9 months or so. Sometimes I just can't believe how stupid I am!!
ed-205 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 You are not stupid! You are normal to feel the way you do. You can be hopeful, but you need to be objective as well. Nobody can predict how she will feel in 9 months, probably not even her. My son had a girlfriend in an LDR. When they first met, I figured it would last about two weeks. NINE YEARS later (engaged for seven of those), She decided to "move on", and sent back the ring. Of course, he is heartbroken. For the last 5 or 6 years, he had been asking her to move in with him, but she was never "ready". He refuses to call her now, but she still calls him several times a week telling him she wants to get back together "in a few months,...maybe..." My son still loves her, but for his own sense of well being he has basically "written her off", and has started dating other women. I think, perhaps, you ought to consider doing the same.
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