Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Yup. Me too. And yet, this is such a worthless requirement, if you really think about it. Is it cause we want our men on pedestals? Or cause we were so brainwashed by our sexist mothers that we can't respect men who don't make us feel weak? It is worthless to waste time second-guessing what turns you on; he either does or doesn't. Does he turn you on? When you're having sex, do you float above the scene, wishing he were better at calculus?
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Yes, career truly has nothing to do with this thread. Actually, I think it has some significance. If he had a different career, then it would be much more difficult to assess his "wow" factor. Even a poor quantum cosmologist can crush my nuts, anytime, on their worst day.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Yup. Me too. And yet, this is such a worthless requirement, if you really think about it. Is it cause we want our men on pedestals? Or cause we were so brainwashed by our sexist mothers that we can't respect men who don't make us feel weak? It's not our "sexist mothers". It's called evolution and biology. You don't seem interested in getting answers but rather just "self reflecting", whatever that means. Go find some loser to toot your horn and leave this poor guy be. Trust me, your R is going nowhere.
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Actually, I think it has some significance. If he had a different career, then it would be much more difficult to assess his "wow" factor. Even a poor quantum cosmologist can crush my nuts, anytime, on their worst day. This is a good point. There is no way his knowledge can seem mysterious and mind-boggling if you have the exact same training.
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 It is worthless to waste time second-guessing what turns you on; he either does or doesn't. Agreed. You can't "pull apart" chemistry.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 spook, what makes you believe that he's less intelligent than you?
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 spook, what makes you believe that he's less intelligent than you? Intelligence is subjective. Anybody who thinks I am intelligent is clearly a dumbarse. It takes one to know one.
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Intelligence is subjective. Anybody who thinks I am intelligent is clearly a dumbarse. It takes one to know one. P*ss off, moron.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Intelligence is subjective. Anybody who thinks I am intelligent is clearly a dumbarse. It takes one to know one. Agreed. You used to be smart. Then you said all that stuff about the GOP. Boo.
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Sadly, so few people recognise irony these days. Is that a mark of intelligence? If so, then how ironic.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 spook, the reason I ask this is the following: My oldest brother has a higher IQ than I do. He's the most logical person I've ever met. I can learn something much, much faster than he can but when it comes to putting a long range plan in place, he always, always exceeds me in the end. He not only learns something from an overview level, he learns everything about it, analyzes it from every, single possible perspective. Then he sets his plan in place, taking each logical step at a time. If something gets in his way, he will have a plan already in place to accommodate for it. He always gets to where he needs to go. My other brother has a lower IQ than I do. He exceeds me hand over fist, when it comes to electronics or anything electrical. He can also learn faster than I do, in so many areas, areas that I zone out on, the minute the first word comes out. Physics is his thing. While I did take physics too, it not only put me to sleep, there were concepts in areas that were very difficult for me to grasp, where it came to him intuitively. If your b/f didn't come out the shoot as quickly as you did, just wait a few years. He might be a slow starter but not lacking in intelligence. If he wasn't intelligent, would you have been interested in the first place?
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 It is worthless to waste time second-guessing what turns you on; he either does or doesn't. Does he turn you on? When you're having sex, do you float above the scene, wishing he were better at calculus? He does turn me on. I don't float above the scene at all, it's the best sex I've ever had. Normally I tire of whoever I'm having sex with midway through the first time, but we're normally at it twice a day, when we're together. There's definitely something there. Maybe it's my childhood desire of being overpowered by a frat boy? It's the fact that there's honestly nothing whatsoever wrong with the relationship that makes my ponderings so shallow. He doesn't fit my pre-conceived notion of the person I'd end up with, which is why I'm doubting everything. As though a list I made in my head when I was little means anything.
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 He does turn me on. I don't float above the scene at all, it's the best sex I've ever had. Normally I tire of whoever I'm having sex with midway through the first time, but we're normally at it twice a day, when we're together. There's definitely something there. Maybe it's my childhood desire of being overpowered by a frat boy? It's the fact that there's honestly nothing whatsoever wrong with the relationship that makes my ponderings so shallow. He doesn't fit my pre-conceived notion of the person I'd end up with, which is why I'm doubting everything. As though a list I made in my head when I was little means anything. If he turns you on, then I suspect you do think of him as quite smart, among other things. Can you just relax and take things a day at a time? There is no rush to figure it all out right now.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 spook, the reason I ask this is the following: My oldest brother has a higher IQ than I do. He's the most logical person I've ever met. I can learn something much, much faster than he can but when it comes to putting a long range plan in place, he always, always exceeds me in the end. He not only learns something from an overview level, he learns everything about it, analyzes it from every, single possible perspective. Then he sets his plan in place, taking each logical step at a time. If something gets in his way, he will have a plan already in place to accommodate for it. He always gets to where he needs to go. My other brother has a lower IQ than I do. He exceeds me hand over fist, when it comes to electronics or anything electrical. He can also learn faster than I do, in so many areas, areas that I zone out on, the minute the first word comes out. Physics is his thing. While I did take physics too, it not only put me to sleep, there were concepts in areas that were very difficult for me to grasp, where it came to him intuitively. If your b/f didn't come out the shoot as quickly as you did, just wait a few years. He might be a slow starter but not lacking in intelligence. If he wasn't intelligent, would you have been interested in the first place? Everyone is different in how they process things, that's true. I may not even be right that I'm smarter than him. All my tests of his intelligence are pretty biased. The big test, of course, was this internship, which resulted in an immediate job offer for me, as well as glowing reviews from everyone I worked with (not to toot my own horn...), but nothing for him. It wasn't this fact that made me doubt his smarts, though - it was the various projects we all had to work on over the summer, little exercises in common sense, math, and logic, which I didn't think were hard at all, but he messed up completely. Of course, I had more motivation to succeed, which may be why I did, while he slaked off. He has nearly a perfect GPA, so he'd be hireable anywhere; my resume was sketchy and this internship was my biggest shot at conning my way into the corporate world. That's why this test was biased. The same could be said for all of my others. I know allegedly intelligence isn't something you can "learn", but being alert and thinking correctly is something you can teach yourself to be good at; and I believe my life experience has forced me to be a good teacher. He, on the other hand, comes from a background of entitlement, having never had to stand on his own two feet, sheltered from the parts of life that teach you to fix cars and be practical and watch your back in sketchy situations. So maybe I'm not judging him fairly. I did mention before that there's probably a decent chance he's simply a late bloomer. I know for sure his heart's in the right place, and he's not stupid, though. Those oftentimes are the only ingredients you need for greatness.
Green Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I didn't really slice in to the guts of things till I was 18... but you do work a really boring line of work, why do things that matter the most always seem so lame!!!!!!! now that I'm at the top you people and your problems seem like ants, I can see where you came from and know where your going... just a line of ants haha too funny
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Everyone is different in how they process things, that's true. I may not even be right that I'm smarter than him. All my tests of his intelligence are pretty biased. The big test, of course, was this internship, which resulted in an immediate job offer for me, as well as glowing reviews from everyone I worked with (not to toot my own horn...), but nothing for him. It wasn't this fact that made me doubt his smarts, though - it was the various projects we all had to work on over the summer, which I didn't think were hard at all, but he messed up completely. Of course, I had more motivation to succeed, which may be why I did, while he slaked off. He has nearly a perfect GPA, so he'd be hireable anywhere; my resume was sketchy and this internship was my biggest shot at conning my way into the corporate world. That's why this test was biased. The same could be said for all of my others. I know allegedly intelligence isn't something you can "learn", but thinking is something you can teach yourself to be good at, and I believe my life experience has forced me to be a good teacher. He, on the other hand, comes from a background of entitlement, having never had to stand on his own two feet, sheltered from the parts of life that teach you to fix cars and be practical and watch your back in sketchy situations. So maybe I'm not judging him fairly. I did mention before that there's probably a decent chance he's simply a late bloomer. I know for sure his heart's in the right place, and he's not stupid, though. Those oftentimes are the only ingredients you need for greatness. In non-biological age and experience, you've far exceeded him. Once again, you've been his teacher in many things. I've always said that you're innovative. There's no way he's going to get innovative until he gets years of experience under his belt, having to hop to, in stressful situations. Many of your situations are/were self-created but they still were tight situations that you had to figure out quick ways to get yourself out of. In many ways, this is the difference between street smarts and book smarts. Let's see if he's capable of learning street smarts (which ties into the common sense aspect, as well).
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 now that I'm at the top you people and your problems seem like ants, I can see where you came from and know where your going... just a line of ants haha too funny Finally, my search for a mentor is over.
flc Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Why does it seem that after people get involved they have to start analyzing everything looking into the future and trying to make life decisions @ 22? Why can't you just go with the flow and see where things go, if it goes badly find someone else, if it is good keep doing it. All of this angst and worry and concern about the future causes so many people to drop relationships before they even really get going.
Bells Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Spook sometimes we DO outgrow our partners and our relationships Ah...the whole "I outgrew you" line. Yet another petty reason people split up, even divorce. From what I read about this guy, there's really no reason to dump him.
Author spookie Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 It is worthless to waste time second-guessing what turns you on; he either does or doesn't. Does he turn you on? When you're having sex, do you float above the scene, wishing he were better at calculus? I was thinking about what you said, and though it's true that the sex is great, it isn't cause he turns me, it's cause he makes me laugh and cause we're compatible, so it's pleasant. I'm pretty sure things are on the decline; at this point the R is so uneven. He seems to want to talk to me 24/7 and I just cannot handle that much contact. If he gave me a little space I would miss him but this persistent neediness is too much. Last night I came from work to find a large bouquet of flowers waiting for me downstairs. Nothing like flowers to make you feel like s!ht: I had plans with my only friend in the area later and I started feeling guilty, like I should stay home and chat on the phone instead. Well, TT made sure I chatted on the phone all night anyway, calling me every 15 minutes all night long, until I told him I couldn't talk, he got super pissed and hung up on me, at which point I turned off my phone. This morning when I turned it back on there were 15 progressively drunker voice mails from him, and a few texts saying he was sorry. I just don't know. It seems with him getting wasted to deal with issues and then being sorry is standard, and that's just one of the many things that scare me about being with him. I just don't think he's the one. Maybe my one is gone, maybe it was my ex - I can't imagine loving anyone more. But it's not fair to stay with TT just cause I believe that.
Art_Critic Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Cause we're compatible, He seems to want to talk to me 24/7 and I just cannot handle that much contact. Well, TT made sure I chatted on the phone all night anyway, calling me every 15 minutes all night long, until I told him I couldn't talk, he got super pissed and hung up on me, at which point I turned off my phone. It seems you really are not compatible.. or at least these statements conflict.
D-Jam Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 In a world where so many people make such s!htty partners, isn't it so messed up for me to think like this? How do I get over it? Cause I want to; it's tainting my feelings. First of all, look at any single gal pals you have that are finding it so hard to find a decent male. Imagine you were single and in their shoes. Your BF will look so much more appealing then. Second, you need to learn to leave work at the office. You bring it home and then feel like you are in competition with your BF the way you are at work with other men. If he was wasting his life or something then I could see why you would have a problem, but the quest is to find a good man who will respect you and love you, not one who makes way more money than you and holds a higher title than you. You want to see him as your love and not as your competition, then both of you leave work at the office unless one needs advice or a shoulder to cry on after a bad day. Be boyfriend and girlfriend at home, not professionals in whatever it is you do. Third, you need to let go of the idea of "marry up", especially if you're a successful woman. Experience has shown me the wealthy good looking guys are more after the hot trophy or meaningless flings than they are after the powerful female executive. Even when looking for a wife they're more after some "blue-blood" good girl who "knows her place" so they can still be the dominant one. I'm sure some will disagree with me here, but if you're a successful female, you can't hold on to the "marry up" attitude. You more need to see that your BF works, is doing fine at his job (I hope) and isn't going to be a liability. My current lady is about to enter dental school. I'm sure if we married down the road she'll make way more money than me...but I don't sit there thinking I need to be better than her (just the best at what I do), and if she wants to believe the only man for her is someone who is more "powerful" and successful, then she's free to go out there and find him. At that point she'll be in her late 30s and pickings will be very slim. Sometimes you have to stop thinking about what you don't have and maybe think about what you do have...and appreciate it if it's a truly good thing.
vonerik012 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 First of all, look at any single gal pals you have that are finding it so hard to find a decent male. Imagine you were single and in their shoes. Your BF will look so much more appealing then. Second, you need to learn to leave work at the office. You bring it home and then feel like you are in competition with your BF the way you are at work with other men. If he was wasting his life or something then I could see why you would have a problem, but the quest is to find a good man who will respect you and love you, not one who makes way more money than you and holds a higher title than you. You want to see him as your love and not as your competition, then both of you leave work at the office unless one needs advice or a shoulder to cry on after a bad day. Be boyfriend and girlfriend at home, not professionals in whatever it is you do. Third, you need to let go of the idea of "marry up", especially if you're a successful woman. Experience has shown me the wealthy good looking guys are more after the hot trophy or meaningless flings than they are after the powerful female executive. Even when looking for a wife they're more after some "blue-blood" good girl who "knows her place" so they can still be the dominant one. I'm sure some will disagree with me here, but if you're a successful female, you can't hold on to the "marry up" attitude. You more need to see that your BF works, is doing fine at his job (I hope) and isn't going to be a liability. My current lady is about to enter dental school. I'm sure if we married down the road she'll make way more money than me...but I don't sit there thinking I need to be better than her (just the best at what I do), and if she wants to believe the only man for her is someone who is more "powerful" and successful, then she's free to go out there and find him. At that point she'll be in her late 30s and pickings will be very slim. Sometimes you have to stop thinking about what you don't have and maybe think about what you do have...and appreciate it if it's a truly good thing. Excellent points...
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Spookie is only 22, for God's sake! She's young. She's experiementing. She's dsicovering who she is. She does not need to think about life long mates at this pint, unless of course someone comes by who blows her away. Spookie, I say give it some time, but if you are still feeling this way a little on down the road, end it. I was with a great guy for a long time, but I knew I did not love him in the way I needed to in order to get married (not that you're there yet). I DO NOT regret it at all, even thought I am still single. It would not have been a good match. He is married and has a child with a woman who loves him in the way he deserves to be loved. Good for him. Seriously, you have so much ahead of you.
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