Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Flashback. I could tell she, like me, was entranced as he expertly took our bathroom door off its hinges, for a makeshift beerpong table; turned on when he got every single ball in, though he was drunk.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Flashback. Meh. He just got lucky that night, I swear. We've played a lot of beer pong since then and he's sucked every time.
Prodigal Princess Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Your boyfriend sounds great on paper, but kind of boring -- especially for somebody like you. He'd make a wonderful husband/bf for a simpler, more mainstream girl. I think you need somebody more intense, interesting and off-beat. I agree with shadowplay. Particularly at this point in your life - you still need to go out there and experiment. If you stick with this guy I can guarantee you'll end up resenting him down the track. You need to go through a few more charismatic ass.holes before you learn to appreciate the Mr Nices of this world. I do sympathise with you, though. Most of my girlfriends are very successful investment bankers or lawyers. It is difficult for us to meet guys who are as smart and successful, but we've all had boyfriends who have average careers but are smart or successful in their own way. For example, I've been with a couple of guys who dont even read but who are cooler and have more street smarts than I ever will. I value that over being able to draft a contract any day of the week. However if you're beating TT on all counts, I can't see how your attraction to him will last.
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 You need to go through a few more charismatic ass.holes Sister, I've been there, and lost count. I know where you're coming from, but I can't say it helped me any. Having said that, it's worth doing everything twice, before pulling out your judgement. So I'll keep plugging away.
orangehose Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I think, unfortunately, the fact that there's nothing significant you can respect or admire him for, OTHER than being a good partner, will wear on you over time. If you're only 22 and already feeling this way, sad to say, there's little chance that you'll be able to stay with this guy for life, as much as you keep on telling yourself (only four months in!) that you OUGHT to feel completely satisfied with him. Sooner or later the urge to explore will hit.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 If you don't respect the man you're with, there is no point in being him in a romantic capacity. You clearly don't respect him. This R will go nowhere UNLESS you come to terms with your superiority complex and get over it. That doesn't seem likely, so dump him already. To be honest, the answer to your query is quite obvious. I'm not sure why you felt the need to post. It's human nature (female nature, in particular) to want a man that is superior (intelligence, height, etc)...so what's the big deal here? You think you're "better" than him, so what? Is it me or is the answer so obvious that it didn't need further discussion.
djhall Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Ocean-Blue, I've always suspected Douglas Adams had a man say that as yet another layer of humor. What self-respecting man would refuse to answer a question simply becuase he didn't actually know anything about the subject?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Ocean-Blue, I've always suspected Douglas Adams had a man say that as yet another layer of humor. What self-respecting man would refuse to answer a question simply becuase he didn't actually know anything about the subject? True. Women don't follow the same rules.
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I am hesitant to say this but I agree with Nemo that people that are involved in higher level mathematics theory research (or even any level mathematics theory research) constantly make fun of how "dumb" actuaries are. I have never thought that to be highly successful actuary you would need anything more than an average intelligence level. It's all very relative. Having said that, I do think that spook is very bright but I think that her talents are lost on being an actuary and that it's actually beneath her
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I am hesitant to say this but I agree with Nemo that people that are involved in higher level mathematics theory research (or even any level mathematics theory research) constantly make fun of how "dumb" actuaries are. I have never thought that to be highly successful actuary you would need anything more than an average intelligence level. It's all very relative. Having said that, I do think that spook is very bright but I think that her talents are lost on being an actuary and that it's actually beneath her "Average" intelligence = intelligence of people who score in the 50th percentiles of standardized testing. You need higher than average intelligence to succeed as an actuary. That said, I don't want to argue whether my profession requires skill or not, that's not what this thread was about. It was, amongst other things, about the fact that I am having much more success at this than he is.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 spook, in all ways you've been his teacher. Why is this issue coming out now? Is it possible that he represents restrictions to you?
IrishCarBomb Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I am hesitant to say this but I agree with Nemo that people that are involved in higher level mathematics theory research (or even any level mathematics theory research) constantly make fun of how "dumb" actuaries are. I have never thought that to be highly successful actuary you would need anything more than an average intelligence level. It's all very relative. Having said that, I do think that spook is very bright but I think that her talents are lost on being an actuary and that it's actually beneath her As an actuary turned lawyer, I'd say that the actuaries have a harder process to go through to get certified than the lawyers. The actuarial exams were more difficult than the bar exam. In addition, the consulting actuaries (I know very little about the insurance actuaries) were at least on par with the other lawyers I work with now. Hell, some of the lawyers I see in criminal court are complete morons compared to the actuaries. But I guess the career isn't really the point of the thread... so I'll leave it at that.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 spook, in all ways you've been his teacher. Why is this issue coming out now? Is it possible that he represents restrictions to you? It's not just coming out now; this has always been in the back of my mind, and I've started many threads dancing around the subject before I finally figured out exactly what was bothering me and how to properly verbalize it. Despite all the responses, though, which I do appreciate, I still don't know what to do. It seems like there's two camps of thought: 1. Stay with him, as long as you're happy 2. Leave him, cause there's no respect. In the case of 1., it's not a bad idea, but the longer I stay with him, the harder it's going to be to leave; and if I already have all the evidence that he's not the love of my life, why bother? But do I know that? Option 2 is too simplified also. I don't not respect him. I just wish in the back of my mind that he were smarter/ cuter/ had more common sense. Day to day, his "shortcomings" haven't made any impact whatsoever on our relationship or my life, however, so what's the big deal? We still have loads in common, I enjoy spending time with him, etc. I'm not one of those girls who's ever looked for a super-intellectual partner, so that's not a consideration, either. I seem to want him to be smarter just to know that he's smarter... it's a requirement that serves no purpose. And as I stated before, I do respect him, it's just not for the reasons I typically award respect. I respect the way he treats people, and I trust how far he would go for those he loves. Those are hugely important qualities that are not easy to find. In short.... what does everyone think the probabity of my finding someone I can be just as happy with, who is smarter and cuter??
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Smarter is a deal-breaker for me. He must be. But you have to decide for you.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Smarter is a deal-breaker for me. He must be. But you have to decide for you. Why though? Why must he be?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 It's not just coming out now; this has always been in the back of my mind, and I've started many threads dancing around the subject before I finally figured out exactly what was bothering me and how to properly verbalize it. Despite all the responses, though, which I do appreciate, I still don't know what to do. It seems like there's two camps of thought: 1. Stay with him, as long as you're happy 2. Leave him, cause there's no respect. In the case of 1., it's not a bad idea, but the longer I stay with him, the harder it's going to be to leave; and if I already have all the evidence that he's not the love of my life, why bother? But do I know that? Option 2 is too simplified also. I don't not respect him. I just wish in the back of my mind that he were smarter/ cuter/ had more common sense. Day to day, his "shortcomings" haven't made any impact whatsoever on our relationship or my life, however, so what's the big deal? We still have loads in common, I enjoy spending time with him, etc. I'm not one of those girls who's ever looked for a super-intellectual partner, so that's not a consideration, either. I seem to want him to be smarter just to know that he's smarter... it's a requirement that serves no purpose. And as I stated before, I do respect him, it's just not for the reasons I typically award respect. I respect the way he treats people, and I trust how far he would go for those he loves. Those are hugely important qualities that are not easy to find. In short.... what does everyone think the probabity of my finding someone I can be just as happy with, who is smarter and cuter?? Finding someone "smarter" and "cuter" is within the realm of possibility. I'd bet that it's quite probable too. Your problem right now is that there are no other prospects on the horizon, so you want to know whether to "settle" for the time being or leave him in the hopes of finding something better - something which may not appear for some time. Either way, you're doing yourself and him a great disservice by keeping this charade up. You don't respect him and w/out respect, there is NO relationship.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 It's a very actuarial question, really, that I'm searching for the answer to. What's the probability that I find someone smarter than me and cuter than TT, with whom the expected present value of happiness will be higher than I have with him.
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 As an actuary turned lawyer, I'd say that the actuaries have a harder process to go through to get certified than the lawyers. The actuarial exams were more difficult than the bar exam. In addition, the consulting actuaries (I know very little about the insurance actuaries) were at least on par with the other lawyers I work with now. Hell, some of the lawyers I see in criminal court are complete morons compared to the actuaries. But I guess the career isn't really the point of the thread... so I'll leave it at that. I don't have very high opinion of lawyers either. But OK I don't want to argue I will keep my opinoon and you keep yours...
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Honestly, it may seem like I love drama, but I really am a stable-relationshippy kinda gal. He just has to be the right person. And I know how hard it is to find someone who is: -smarter than me, but not too nerdy -who'd understand my sense of humor, -be taller than me, healthy, well-endowed, and attractive -and whom I could trust. Perhaps the smarter has to go.
Nemo Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 If you're asking yourself the question of whether the grass is greener, then that tells you something. It tells you that your grass really isn't that green.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Yes, career truly has nothing to do with this thread. I brought it up to illustrate my point that I was better than him at most aspects of his life. Personally, though I think my job is challenging and I don't think there's anything wrong with being an actuary, it is not what I want to do with my life; I view it as a meal ticket and something entertaining to do that truly keeps me sane. If it meant to him what it means to me; if he had other aspirations or other talents that he was pursuing, I would not have cared that I was better than him at our job at all. It's just disheartening to be dating someone whose ass I could kick in areas I don't even want to.
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Why though? Why must he be? I don't know. It doesn't mean everything else will fall into place. But if it isn't there, nothing works. Actually, to be more specific, he has to be more left-brained smart than I am--more logical and mathy-sciency--and there must be at least some things he understands/is pursuing that are somewhat mind boggling to me. I'm with you on all your other traits, too.
Author spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I don't know. It doesn't mean everything else will fall into place. But if it isn't there, nothing works. Actually, to be more specific, he has to be more left-brained smart than I am--more logical and mathy-sciency--and there must be at least some things he understands/is pursuing that are somewhat mind boggling to me. I'm with you on all your other traits, too. Yup. Me too. And yet, this is such a worthless requirement, if you really think about it. Is it cause we want our men on pedestals? Or cause we were so brainwashed by our sexist mothers that we can't respect men who don't make us feel weak?
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