marlena Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Can you leave it at that and not contact him anymore? I don't see how asking him for clarifications is going to help the situation, if not make you look desperate. He's a total jerk I agree with this. No explanations are in order. Does he explain to you? Does he clarify for you? Is he up front with you? Has he taken your feelings into consideration at all? No..not an iota. So why should he deserve any kind of clarification or respect ? Obviously, he isn't giving it to you. Just disappear of the face of the Earth where he is concerned. That will make a louder statement than any discussion with him ever could. With people like this, you do not talk. Talking without honesty is not talking at all. It is BS. Above all, do not plead with him. You owe him nothing. As a matter of fact, I don't think he expects anything from you. Talking to him about your relationship (if it can be called that) will probably annoy him to high heaven and send him off running one day sooner. Why would you want to give him this satisfaction and at the same time set yourself up for more hurt? No, walk away proudly. You can at least have the comfort of knowing that you gave him his walking shoes first. Like I said in another post, you will not get any answers from him.
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 this just seems like a wrong way of doing things. We have all judged and tried him already. Ok things rae not good - but i still want to know why the heck he got me into this, why he didnt just vanish ( like most men do ) after the first date when he realized that i wanted something else. Also I mentioned when he asked about online dating - that there were a lot of marrioed men around.....i siad this in disgust. I feel stupid and most of all angry. Last night i was really angry because its so obvious and i couldnt see it. His wife stuff is there, she must be on extended work somewhere...but why didnt he jsut go and see a hooker ? why do this weird talking and getting to know me thing? i dont think i can vanish when im this angry.
marlena Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 this just seems like a wrong way of doing things. Would you rather that he did it first? Sorry but that's how I see it happening. If I were you, I would cut my losses and get out now with your pride and dignity intact.
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Shouldnt i ask him - see waht he has to say ? I just want some accountability? i also think his wife has a right to know
Lucky_One Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Ok things rae not good - but i still want to know why the heck he got me into this, why he didnt just vanish ( like most men do ) after the first date when he realized that i wanted something else. When did you go on a date with him? So gutted, for a 33 year old woman, you are terribly naive. A whole whole whole lot of men don't want to go visit a hooker to get laid. They are cheap, they are afraid of STDs, they are afraid of getting busted by cops. Most guys appreciate some sort of friendliness and talk with their nut busting. So he meets some girl online (or however you met him). She is more than willing to go his place late at night, and never expects to go out publicly on a real date. She is willing to have sexual fun with no real relationship building on his part. He gets what he wants and doesn't have to spend a dime or put out any effort besides texting a few times. You are going to demand explanations from a man who doesn't owe you any. You don't have a relationship with him. How can you demand explanations from someone when you can't even demand respectful behavior for yourself?
Lucky_One Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 i also think his wife has a right to know OMG now you are thinking that his wife should know? Sharon Stone said, "I will NOT be ignored!"
marlena Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 You are going to demand explanations from a man who doesn't owe you any. You don't have a relationship with him. This is true. You do not have a relationship with him. He owes you nothing. You, on the other hand, owe yourself everything. You are an adult so please take accountability for your actions even if it means accepting that you used poor judgement. He did not force anything upon you. You were a willing partner. No, leave his wife alone.
Shygirl15 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 i also think his wife has a right to know Okay So Gutted, stop it right there. Just stop it. Get hold of yourself please, this is stupid.
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Im serious...i cannot believe WOMEN are telling me not to let his wife know.....if YOU were that wife workingabroad or whatver - wouldnt you want to know?
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 He ic commiting adultary and his wife is on facebook ( or it could be his sister!!)
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 When did you go on a date with him? So gutted, for a 33 year old woman, you are terribly naive. A whole whole whole lot of men don't want to go visit a hooker to get laid. They are cheap, they are afraid of STDs, they are afraid of getting busted by cops. Most guys appreciate some sort of friendliness and talk with their nut busting.] i suppose visiting a hooker - requires payment and he doesnt like spending.....but this is wrong on his part also - coz he is connecting with me - asking me things that 2 people interested in each other would....
Lucky_One Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I bet he will propose next time you go out to dinner or the theatre! Good luck with the forthcoming nuptials!
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I bet he will propose next time you go out to dinner or the theatre! Good luck with the forthcoming nuptials! well thanks for the psstaking. im sure that will help me a great deal.
Shygirl15 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Im serious...i cannot believe WOMEN are telling me not to let his wife know.....if YOU were that wife workingabroad or whatver - wouldnt you want to know? You may need to transfer your thread to the OM/OW section then. You're likely to get some support there.
marlena Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 SG, This is way over the top. You are not thinking rationally. Get a grip. You are not the OW. You are not having an ongoing affair with a MM. You just dated a jerk a couple of times. Period.
Lucky_One Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Date? She didn't date. She went to his place a few times. That is NOT dating; that is being an inexpensive convenience.
Author so gutted Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 ok yes we havnt dated...but it wasnt all about sex wither - hell he didnt even get any.... he spoke to me at length. chatted, connected. asked about my family, previous relationships, what i wanted etc.... it wasnt like i was not clear with him. I want to know if he intends to leave his wife and get a divorce..i am not in a position to issue ultimatums but would like to know - whats so wrong with asking that? at least tell me - im missing something here... and why do so many women think his wife doesnt deserve to know that another woman is in her house? with her husband - why should he get away with it? im serious. tell me why i shouldnt tell her?
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