Flowerpower7 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I have recently broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years (it was a good thing and I am happy). So, I have started to browse online profiles to see who's out there that I may be interested in. I've noticed from time to time guys may write about personality traits they dont want in a girlfriend. Then I went to the other side to see who my competion is, in terms of browsing through the womens profiles. Same thing, although some women go to more lengths about the things they dont want and do want. I've never done this, so it perplexes me. Would these people be writing about their just recent past ex's that didnt work out?
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Because they are bitter and those are red flags. Rather than focusing on what they don't want they really should talk about who they are and what makes them special. The fun things they like to do, etc. I'm much more apt to write someone who sounds like life is fun for them, not someone who is angry at the world and bitter. If you saw my profile, it's really about being laid back, having fun and enjoying life. And my mailbox stays full because of it
Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I did the whole Match.com thing for a while. I met my recent BF on Match. I thought it was a great experience. I met lots of great people, some nuts. I dated my BF for 9 months, though we just broke up. Anyway, I always stayed clear of the "scorned" profiles where it seemed that men were speaking directly of an Ex. In my profile, I did a portion "About Me" and my interests and then an "About You" that specified general traits I was looking for in a match. It was pretty detailed, but by no means an "opposite" approach to my XH. What service are you considering? Guess I'll be back online myself, when the time is right.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 There's a free site out there I highly recommend. Doubt I can mention it here in the thread so you'll have to PM me. I had tried Match and eHarmony in the past and those are just a waste of money. The free sites are where it's at IMHO. Not saying it's a guarantee that you'll find the right one but I'm up to my ears in dates so I can't really complain
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 well I was thinking of the free fish site. I was browsing through there and noticed a lot of bitter people. The L site doesnt seem to have as many angry people, maybe because you have to pay for membership. Would these people be writing about all their past ex's or just their most recent ex, do you think?
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 POF is FULL of crazy psychos, IME. Bad, bad, bad. I will NEVER use that one again, ever.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 POF is FULL of crazy psychos, IME. Bad, bad, bad. I will NEVER use that one again, ever. Are you kidding me?! I have been on some great dates from there. The trick is learning to easily discern the good fish from the bad. I have walked away from MANY women after talking to them on the phone. I'm learning to recognize and heed the red flags. SG, I love you. You are great peeps and all, but there are crazy people no matter where you go. You just have to weed them out better
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 well I was thinking of the free fish site. I was browsing through there and noticed a lot of bitter people. The L site doesnt seem to have as many angry people, maybe because you have to pay for membership. Would these people be writing about all their past ex's or just their most recent ex, do you think? That's why I like the free sites. People are who they are and it's much easier to discern the good and bad. Just pay attention!
rod_in_gtown Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 That's funny, I was just looking at POF. They have a problem with their programming, it's not very reliable. I keep getting ASP connection errors. Also, their error handling leaves a lot to be desired. I guess you get what you pay for. (sorry, that's the OO programmer in me bitching)
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 this is all great info, but could you please answer my last post??
Lishy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Hi flower, my advice is to stay away from the dating sites and use your single time to go out and have fun. Meet people face to face, it is much easier to get a better take on them. IMO Shopping for a lover doesn't work. I believe in fate and what will be will be.
Lishy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 this is all great info, but could you please answer my last post?? Flower have you just seen your ex on a dating site?
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 yes, I have, which makes me wonder if his words of not wanting 'this or that' is about my personality or perhaps about a past relationship. From what i have read it seems people generally write about the most recent ex as they have the most bitterness.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 That's why I like the free sites. People are who they are and it's much easier to discern the good and bad. Just pay attention! This is honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen you write. I couldn't disagree MORE.
Shygirl15 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 yes, I have, which makes me wonder if his words of not wanting 'this or that' is about my personality or perhaps about a past relationship. No. Not wanting this or that is all about themselves. "I don't want drama" = he's full of it.
Lishy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 yes, I have, which makes me wonder if his words of not wanting 'this or that' is about my personality or perhaps about a past relationship. From what i have read it seems people generally write about the most recent ex as they have the most bitterness. Do you relate what he is saying to yourself?
Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Guess that would depend on the circumstances of your break up and how ong ago it was. You definitely see a lot of profiles that are clearly aimed at their X's. So, POF is good?!? Hmmmm... Only glanced there.
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 thanks you have answered my questions. Yes, POF is for ummm "interesting" people. Most of them have no interest in ever meeting as they all hang out together online. There are a lot of undatable people on there.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 This is honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen you write. I couldn't disagree MORE. Ok let me rephrase that. *I* don't seem to have a problem weeding out the good from the bad. I've just taken what I've learned from past relationships and am heeding the red flags. I've had some great dates from PoF. One that I think may work out in the long run (kind of early to tell so far) but really, I don't think the pay sites are any better. About the only thing they guarantee is as a male, your wallet will be lighter
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 thanks you have answered my questions. Yes, POF is for ummm "interesting" people. Most of them have no interest in ever meeting as they all hang out together online. There are a lot of undatable people on there. There are a lot of undatable people no matter what site you go to. At least that's been my experience.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Guess that would depend on the circumstances of your break up and how ong ago it was. You definitely see a lot of profiles that are clearly aimed at their X's. So, POF is good?!? Hmmmm... Only glanced there. Karma, I like it. As far as dating sites go, I've had no problem meeting some great people on there. And for all the pay sites, I've had more dates in a month on PoF than the rest combined. It's fun. It's free and if you're smart about it, you can find some real gems. Just don't put all a lot of expectations on dating sites in general. Use it to suppliment your normal means of meeting people. I think it's good practice for people who need some brushing up on their dating skills.
nowhereman82 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 check out the fish site....for living in the bay area the selection was small and horrible.
D-Lish Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Because they are bitter and those are red flags. Rather than focusing on what they don't want they really should talk about who they are and what makes them special. The fun things they like to do, etc. I'm much more apt to write someone who sounds like life is fun for them, not someone who is angry at the world and bitter. If you saw my profile, it's really about being laid back, having fun and enjoying life. And my mailbox stays full because of it Exactly- I never say what i don't want in a man.... That sounds like you have a "list". i also stay away from guys that have a list. I have gotten mails from guys- then I look at their profile and they say "no offense, but I don't want an older woman".... and I am 10 years older than the guy messagine me... Well- he's not getting a response. Keep updated pics on your profile- and make sure they have upadted pics.... that's always a big problem. I post the max amount of pics allowed so people know what they are getting into if we ever meet. Every guy I have dated had said the same thing.... Most girls don't look like their pic. I have found the same- most guys don't....
citizen67 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 No. Not wanting this or that is all about themselves. "I don't want drama" = he's full of it. Agreed - & the guys who say "why don't women like nice guys?" are NOT nice and hate women!
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