EnigmaXOXO Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Girly and her BF are NOT on the same page, and that is why we have this thread. She wants marriage for her reasons, and he does not seem to want marriage...or at least not now. I think it’s simply a matter of interpreting what she has already written in two different ways. Sure, he isn’t rushing her to the courthouse today ... but (from what she’s shared so far) there certainly doesn’t seem to be any indication that “he doesn’t” want marriage: Anyway, he has actually been talking about marriage MORE frequently (and more seriously in the form of "we" instead of just getting married in general) since we began living together. I'm pretty sure he is going for a suprise proposal. A few months back he was asking questions about rings. Maybe I’m just processing the information differently, but I don’t see any reason here (so far) to feed into her paranioa that he’s somehow “not” on the same page or has suddenly changed his mind. But that’s just me.
Author girlygirl25 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I think it’s simply a matter of interpreting what she has already written in two different ways. Sure, he isn’t rushing her to the courthouse today ... but (from what she’s shared so far) there certainly doesn’t seem to be any indication that “he doesn’t” want marriage: Maybe I’m just processing the information differently, but I don’t see any reason here (so far) to feed into her paranioa that he’s somehow “not” on the same page or has suddenly changed his mind. But that’s just me. I think the issue is more that we are "on the same page" in regards that we both want to marry someday, but we are NOT on the same page in regards to the timing. I know he wants marriage someday. It was a little concerning to me, but just typing out my feelings and the feedback that I'm getting from you all, I'm realizing that this isn't the case. He doesn't want to marry me right now..and that reason is unknown to me. I'm unsure whether a conversation regarding the issue will even give me the answers I want. My friend suggested that if I am curious about where the relationship is headed I should just ask him what he thinks about us getting married someday. I have asked him something along those lines and he has said "I want us to get married someday, we are heading somewhere in our relationship." The timeframe is more what I'm worried about but the last thing I want to do is make him feel pressured and I think that asking him when he sees us getting married will pressure him.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I think the issue is more that we are "on the same page" in regards that we both want to marry someday, but we are NOT on the same page in regards to the timing. I know he wants marriage someday. It was a little concerning to me, but just typing out my feelings and the feedback that I'm getting from you all, I'm realizing that this isn't the case. He doesn't want to marry me right now..and that reason is unknown to me. I'm unsure whether a conversation regarding the issue will even give me the answers I want. My friend suggested that if I am curious about where the relationship is headed I should just ask him what he thinks about us getting married someday. I have asked him something along those lines and he has said "I want us to get married someday, we are heading somewhere in our relationship." The timeframe is more what I'm worried about but the last thing I want to do is make him feel pressured and I think that asking him when he sees us getting married will pressure him. I feel your pain. My boyfriend isn't ready to get married either. I have chosen to just relax and wait. That isn't working too well, however as I am constantly wondering why he has not proposed yet. I see you are hesitant to talk to him about it. Why is that? Do you think he will get mad at you?
vonerik012 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Personally, I feel 2.5 years of dating, some of which living together, is more than enough time to make a larger commitment. Does he not know you yet? Lets say he is dating Pam Anderson(Or insert his favorite model/actress), would he tell her the same thing? Either A.. He is not sure about YOU Or B... You make it far too easy for him to not make a commitment. Just recently, a friend's mom was telling me the story of how she married her husband. They have been married 30 years.. They dated 2 years, and no commitment. So finally, she said "I am leaving you for 30 days, and at the end you can decide.. If you are still not ready, then i am moving on." Within 20 days he called and asked her to marry him. Often times men stay in a relationship that is easy and convenient, yet know deep inside they do not want that women forever. But it is better than being alone. Everyone is different.
Author girlygirl25 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Personally, I feel 2.5 years of dating, some of which living together, is more than enough time to make a larger commitment. Does he not know you yet? Lets say he is dating Pam Anderson(Or insert his favorite model/actress), would he tell her the same thing? Either A.. He is not sure about YOU Or B... You make it far too easy for him to not make a commitment. Just recently, a friend's mom was telling me the story of how she married her husband. They have been married 30 years.. They dated 2 years, and no commitment. So finally, she said "I am leaving you for 30 days, and at the end you can decide.. If you are still not ready, then i am moving on." Within 20 days he called and asked her to marry him. Often times men stay in a relationship that is easy and convenient, yet know deep inside they do not want that women forever. But it is better than being alone. Everyone is different. I really hope it's not A! Chances are it's B: That and part of him doesn't want to give up being "single." I think part of him may feel that he has me there with him right now, so a proposal wouldn't change much. I guess there isn't any motivation on his part to rush out to get me a ring. I don't believe in giving him an ultimatum. He would not respond to that AT ALL, he would see it as blatant manipulation. That and I really wouldn't feel right about basically forcing someone to marry me. I do want him to make a larger committment. I can't force him to do so, but I'm thinking maybe a talk would be in order. I read an article online for women about how to talk to the "not ready for marriage" boyfriend. It gave some very interesting tips and suggestions, so I am thinking that I might try it. Maybe Ill get a better idea of where we are at right now.
vonerik012 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Well, I did not see the woman in my previous story as forcing him. She just gave him some space, and allowed him to make his own decision. Sometimes it is not easy to appreciate what you have, if you never are without it. Or if you perceive it will always be there no matter what. He should be able to understand your concerns. That is part of whom you are. He has the luxury of living with a woman with no strings, and with that comes a balance. One day she might want to get married. If he is very standoffish, or irritated, chances are it is because he does not want to marry you.
Author girlygirl25 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Well, I did not see the woman in my previous story as forcing him. She just gave him some space, and allowed him to make his own decision. Sometimes it is not easy to appreciate what you have, if you never are without it. Or if you perceive it will always be there no matter what. He should be able to understand your concerns. That is part of whom you are. He has the luxury of living with a woman with no strings, and with that comes a balance. One day she might want to get married. If he is very standoffish, or irritated, chances are it is because he does not want to marry you. Well, I took your advice and decided to talk to him. I just basically asked him where he sees us in 5 years. I thought that might be a good "opener." I know he probably knew what I was trying to do because he said "If you think I'm going to tell you when you are getting proposed to, it's never going to happen!" (with a smile on his face) So I suppose I got my answer! We actually did have a conversation about where we saw ourselves in 5 years. It was a good convo, we are on the same page about where we want to live, jobs, ect.
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