Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I posted my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163486/ A bit more detail here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163533/ It's only been a bit over a day since NC (I saw him on Sun.). I am dying inside. I can't sleep or eat. There is no hope for us. I know that. It's all I can do not to text/email him. But really, why would I? It won't change anything. I know that. Be brutal. Tell me I'm an idiot. Tell me I was his 2nd choice. I need this pain to go away! Guess I'm just looking for a bit of strength, maybe even a bit of anger, to get me through this hard part... I should add that I am fairly new to the city I live in and still don't know a lot of people here. My closest friends are in different states. And...he lives right down the road from me. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't alter my route a bit to drive by his house. I know, I know. Stupid. And if he's not home, I assume he's with her. And truthfully, he most likely is!
foxh1234 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I have been where you are and it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. Once you realize that what he does or doesn't do is completely out of your control, you can begin to heal. Stop driving by his house for starters and start to get yourself back. We cannot do anything to change our ex's. They are doing what they think is right for them, we must do the same. Thinking about him and wondering does you no good and you know that so stop doing it!! Take control of your thoughts and stop thinking about him and concentrate on your life and your future without him. You only get one chance to live and I don't want you to waste anymore time on someone that doesn't want you. Continue NC and you will start to feel better it will just take time. Sitting around thinking about him is a waste of your time and life. Move on and you will find another one who does want you. Come on here and continue to post your feelings. We have all been there and it helped me alot to talk to all the wonderful people on this site. You can do this!!!
dire Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Just posting to let you know that you're not the only one who goes through a situation like yours. One day at a time. If you made it through one already, you can make it through another. Oh, btw, it gets easier.
Author Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 OMG Dire...Your signature..."Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option." I was his option. Plan B. And I've made him a top priority. How very sad I am.
Author Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 I am totally in a self pity mode today. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. If he loved me as much as he said he does, if he was as happy with me and our relationship as he said he was, if he couldn't see us not having a future together... Why in the world would he go back to the woman who cheated on him and continued in this A for well over a year with this OM, who I might add is only 24 (she is 40)!?!?!?!?
wayfaerer1 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Karma, Hang in there. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel - My ex and I broke up about a week and a half ago, and it hurts terribly. I called her a few times during the week after we split, and she was not annoyed that I called, but it's obvious she doesn't really want to talk, especially about us and what happened. The only thing that makes me happy right now is knowing that someday, hopefully soon, I'll start to lose feelings for her and then I'll be ready to find someone who really wants me. I know it's hard now, because you don't want anybody else, believe me, right now, all I want is to hear her voice, or for her to just call me when I'm not expecting it, or for her to call and tell me she made a mistake. And as much as I want to believe she'll come around, I don't really think that's a possibility. Right now, I feel like "plan B". I just keep thinking about the dream girl that I'd meet who appreciates a nice guy who treats her like a queen. My ex didn't appreciate that, at least not enough to say, "hey, lets work things out". So, right now, she's getting what she wants, that is, to be free and see if the grass is greener. I know deep down, that she'll never meet another guy who treated her the way I did, but right now, there's nothing I can do to change anything. Just remember one thing - don't be afraid to cry. Get upset as much as possible, because if you don't let it out of your system now, it's going to linger. Eventually you just get sick of being upset and crying all the time. It's at this point that the anger phase sets in, and trust me, as much as you don't want to get angry about your ex, you have to. If you don't get angry, then you'll just keep feeling sorry for yourself and you'll never recover. My advice is to just do what I'm doing - do not call your ex, do not contact him in any way at all. If your ex wants to call you, he'll do it. And believe me - It's only been 2 days, for me it's only been a week and a half. If your ex is going to have second thoughts, it's going to take some time. If the ex wants to reconcile, it will be because of three things: 1) the person they date turns out to be crap 2) they cannot find what they're looking for 3) they'll have a day where something reminds them of you or the two of you, or things will just start to sink in that they really did make a mistake Whatever happens, you can't think that it will work out, because you'll never get over them. And that's not healthy for you.
stillafool Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I hate to say this but it is because he loves her more than you. You have got to pull yourself out of this. Why not call up some friends and go out. Try not to talk about him when you do. Just have a good time.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 You have to think "Its all gonna work out how it's supposed to." or you'll go nuts. Just have faith its all gonna work out the way its meant to be. What other choice do we have?
Author Karma101 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 I know you are right. His feelings for her are much deeper than for me. I can't compete with 20 years of history. I know that if "we" were meant to be in the future, we'd be. I just can't seem to tell that to my heart right now.
Final Girl Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm sorry you're hurting so much Karma . I broke up with the only man I have ever loved in February..he wanted to be friends, and I stupidly agreed, not realising how much longer it would take the wounds to heal. When I made the decision to get away and stay away (I moved 45 miles away and got myself a new job 70 miles away from him - we worked together) well, bit by bit I think I'm getting there. I still miss him soooo much - if one of my friends mention they've seen him, I have a jillion questions..I want to know everything about him, even though he isn't in my life any longer. I get jealous that other people have him, and I don't, who loves him the most. But I love myself more I guess, and the responsibility I have to my well being and my mental health meant I had to do everything I could to work through the pain - I cried, I shouted at God, I was cranky for ages and I pined inside for him. But day by day it gets easier. Meeting new people, having fun with my friends, going for long walks with my dog..all these things helped me see that my life goes on and it can be good, if he is in it or not. Be strong!!! I wish you only good things!!! xxx
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