Vegas777 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I am considering busting out the "L" word to my current girlfriend. But first let me give you a little background... I have been in love once, years ago. That was a 7 yr relationship that didn't work out. After that I became a serial dater and a playboy or player of sorts. Then I meet my current girlfriend. I am absolutely CRAZY about this girl. We have been dating for 5 months, officially together for 3. While the relationship has had a rocky start, it has been phenomenal the past month, since we had a heart to heart. We seem to be on the same page now. During our heart to heart, she told me that when she envisioned falling in love, she thought it would be perfect from the get go and just hit in the face with it. It wasn't that way with her but she knows there is something there. It is obvious we have grown to care about each other in a short amount of time. Now, on a side note, I think I may be into this woman more than she is into me. But that is not to discount her feelings. I have told her I am crazy about her and that she means so much to me. She has told me I mean a lot to her as well, though not as much. I am also the one who takes the lead in the relationship, as I do things more for her, than myself. Although she does take care of me in ways she knows best. Anyways, I am taking her on Vacation next week, to a tropical island. I have very strong feelings for this woman but I am not sure if it is too early to tell her how I feel. A big part of me thinks (knows) I broke a lot of my dating rules with this girl. I showed my hand too early and she knows how I feel so far. I go out of my way for her. I feel that there is almost no chase and challenge for her. Now, we are both 30, and I know she has had a hard time meeting other normal guys in Vegas. I am about as normal as you can get and most would consider a catch considering I have everything going for me, that a woman would want. But I am afraid that saying I love you would accelerate the relationship too fast. I am also afraid that it would put too high of expectations on her to reciprocate saying "I Love You" and possibly not meaning it. My mind tells me there is no harm in waiting. My heart says I want to climb and shout this from the mountain tops. Any advice?
Tomcat33 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 What's a rocky start if you don't mind me asking?
nopainnogain Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Well you say you do more in the relationship than her. You should slow down to her pace . Dont throw all your cards on the table. Even if your with a woman for 50 years. Be a mystery but at the same time surprise her. Its about quality not quantity.
carhill Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 What's a rocky start if you don't mind me asking? Yeah, I'd like to see a large expansion of this statement.. While the relationship has had a rocky start, it has been phenomenal the past month, since we had a heart to heart. We seem to be on the same page now. During our heart to heart, she told me that when she envisioned falling in love, she thought it would be perfect from the get go and just hit in the face with it. It wasn't that way with her but she knows there is something there. It is obvious we have grown to care about each other in a short amount of time.
Shygirl15 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 The right time to say I Love You, is when you want to say I Love You. It's simple. You think you love her. You want to say that to her. You do that. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze. Most importantly, don't expect her reciprocate (at least not instantly).
carhill Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'll throw an interesting concept out there....when a man tells a women he loves her, IMO, much of the resultant dynamic depends on his psychology and emotional state. If he's saying the words to effect a goal, that's one place. If he's emotionally engaged and they flow out of him, that's another place. The second is far more vulnerable and is IMO why so many men are reluctant to express what they feel. It's not so much that they don't love, but fear the perceived loss of power and control such a revelation will cost them. It is, IMO, an interesting psychological dynamic. Perhaps, by extension, the same concept some cultures, notably asian ones, extend to a man's sperm/semen, as when a man ejaculates within a women, part of his life energy flows from him and is taken. Control of that life energy is paramount. Likely a bit deep for the OP's question, so I'll just say that, when the time and person are right, you won't think about it, rather it will just flow out of you. The results and all the possible potential ramifications of that revelation will not matter. Think of it like a religion
Author Vegas777 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 What's a rocky start if you don't mind me asking? Our rocky start came shortly after we decided to be official. It was pretty much due to the fact that I am affectionate, and she is not. I wear my heart on my sleeve, she does not. I found times where I wanted to cuddle in bed, but she liked her space. Many times I told her what I was thinking, or about my past significant relationship, asked her about hers and she would not tell me. I wrote it off to her being hurt badly in the past. Since then I have more about her previous relationships and it sounds like she has been hurt and really disappointed. Plus, it seems like she has not dated a guy like me before. I am the confident type who girls like, but who is a genuine nice guy. It is my understanding she has typically dated the jerks and losers who either weren't going anywhere in life or has all kinds of money, and both types treated her like ****. I do admit I came across a little clingy. But in my defense, I consider myself very experienced at dating and elevating intimacy and getting physical in a relationship. This girl has thrown me a curveball left and right from the beginning. For example, it took me about 10 dates before we even messed around, which for me usually happens 3rd or 4th. We didn't even have a hot makeout session until 10th date. Anyways, it has since gotten much better because I think we meet in the middle ground more now.
flc Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 The right time to say I Love You, is when you want to say I Love You. It's simple. You think you love her. You want to say that to her. You do that. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze. Most importantly, don't expect her reciprocate (at least not instantly). I would argue this a bit. I think that in some cases saying ILY can completely botch up a relationship that is going well. If the other person is not yet sure about things it can result in a full stop, a lot of contemplation and maybe even a breakup. Too early or too late can end up costing you.
Recommended Posts