vulcan Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 OK My ex and I broke up back in Jan of 08 she moved out march 13th. In the next 5 months I have lived with the guilt that I had done something wrong in the relationship. I was a mess. I could not even function or hold a job because I was such a mess inside. Well out of the blue my ex called me she had told me she lost her job BF ect. She said she had now one else to turn to ect. So I said I would help her. She told me she was working for an escort service to pay bills. I told her I would help her in anyway. She apologized for what she did and how she hurt me and the things she said. I felt at that moment the guilt and the heaviness of that leave me. I no longer have that guilt feeling; however, I have a new problem. I told her I wanted her to stop doing the escort thing. I said we wil get you some help with bills and seek help with a doctor. She is very depressed. She posted on here in june I think. Anyways, we hung out all week and I spent the night at her apartment no sex or anything just stayed with her. We hung out we had a great time she even said it was the most fun we had together in a long time. We were getting along great untill Fri night. I found out she had lied to me. She was still doing the escort thing. I was livid! So at this time she started to avoid me the more she avoided me the more I tried to get her to stop. I called constantly poped over house all the time e-mailed her ect. She changed her number on me. Now I know I was going crazy with all this but I was just trying to prevent her from doing that stuff. Well what happened was. I actually called the escort service she works for and set up a bogus appointment. When she showed up I had her talk to me. I asked her if she was doing this just for the money she said yes. I told her I would help her with money if that was the case. I asked her if she enjoyed doing this she said no. I said why are you doing this to yourself when I offered to help you find other solutions. I even told her she could move back in with me till she got things together. I told her I would help her find a job, get a roommate whatever ANYTHING I told her I would do whatever it took to help just so she wouldn't have to work for an escort service. I told her I would make the doctors appointment with her ( she had a bad childhood and was raped when she was 14) I told her I would walk through with her every appointment and office visit. I told her how much I cared and couldn't see her do this to herself. She said she didn't need my help anymore. She told me she didn't have anyone to talk to even thought I begged her to talk to me about anything. I wasn't yelling or being mean. She said if she promised to come over tomorrow and make an appointment would I let her go I said yes. So she left. An hour later I get a call from a guy. Saying So and so is my woman and I suggest you leave her alone. Now this was all BS I know it was. The guy was her new roomate that she had him cal me. Anyways her and I exchanged some pretty harsh e-mails back and forth to the point where I said you will never hear from me again. She lied to me straight up lied to me and chose prostitution over someone that wanted to help her. Now my problem is I care and well, I admit, I love this girl. Even more so it is breaking my heart to see her doing this escort thing it tears me apart. She's too young to be doing this and I tried and tried to get her to stop. I begged her to talk to me ect. Now she won't even talk to me at all and I am sitting here finding myself being tortured with the idea that she is out doing this escort thing. I am so worried about her and it hurts me and I can't seem to let it go or get on with my life. I don't understand how someone you try to help so bad turns on you like that? Especially when after we got along so great and when I found out about that stuff she was doing she seemed to shut me out. What a shame that we could have been having fun together instead of her doing this crazy stuff. At one point we were going to get married. She had a great job, done well for herself and she went from being on top of things to this To being a prostitute! For me though, I don't know what to do. I tried, I hurt, I don't know what to think, feel or anything. Iam so sad for her, mad at her for stabbing me in the back and lying. Iam all messed up now. Its hard to sleep at night and function in my life thinking that at this very moment she is doing this escort thing. I can't seem to deal with all this. What do I do?? PLEASE any advice on how I can deal with this??
ahhhchooo Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 It sounds like she's in a really bad way.. it sounds like you've really lost her, and you might as well take her down from her pedestal, since it's not her now that you love, it's what she was before she got herself into this **** and became someone that could be so nasty to you. Since you really care about her, maybe there is someone you could get to talk to her, that she would actually listen to, to discourage her from the path she's taken (prostitution), but at the end of the day it's up to her, I highly doubt she'll listen to you, you'll only push her further away.
nowhereman82 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Probably a drug addiction problem involved here.
Amacada Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Vulcan, You had posted your story on another board and because you weren't getting advice that you wanted to hear, you've come to LS. I also notice that you've left the part where you sent her an abusive email after your last encounter with her, and she responded in kind, out of this version. You are pursuing a woman who wants nothing to do with you. As hard as it is, you have to realise that she is a woman who has made her choices. You are obsessing about this far too much pal, and to be honest I think it is time to start considering seeking some counseling.
madgun68 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 What she's doing is obviously really bothering you but there's really only one thing you can do about it.. Let go and walk away. Either that, or you can find some way to come to grips with the fact that she's working as an escort. The problem, as I see it, is that she doesn't seem to want to stop doing what she's doing. You can see that by her own actions. Because of this, you need to stop trying to get her to change. She's only going to view your actions as trying to control her and that's only going to push her away. (Which you can already see: Changing her number, getting someone to call and tell you to leave her alone.) Unless she specifically comes to you and asks for YOUR help, don't do anything more other than finding a way to help yourself cope with all of this. I really think, though, that you're just going to have to accept that she's no longer the same person that you loved.. She's changed.
CaliGuy Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 You can't control her, my friend. She's an adult and as much as you care for her, all you can do is offer your help. If she refuses, you have no recourse. As much as it hurt, you need to let it go. You just can't force someone to listen to you, to take your help, etc. I'm sure you realize that but until her eyes are opened, until she is ready to LISTEN (not just hear) there really isn't much you can do. It's her life to live as she pleases. The more you try and force her to listen to you, the less she will.
seminoles84 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Sounds like you might be setting yourself up for a good ole' fashion STD too.. if you ever did get back with her.
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