D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Okay- all I've really done is something completely normal.... Just completely out of character for me. I actually went on a date tonight with a 40 year old guy, with an 11 year old daughter, who lives 5 minutes from my house. He's 100% available- has a good job, DOES NOT live in his parents basement and he paid for the bill, walked me to my car and opened my door for me. WTF? lol. Am I softening up? Am I done with the 23 year olds? mmmmm, I think so. How refreshing. I have NEVER in my life had a date with someone older than myself. I dunno- I can't believe I am saying this. But, I kinda liked it. He's pretty cool. nah- I'm not going and getting all invested rigth away- that's not me. BUT, wow- I would go out with him again! The only dilemma- when we hugged good-bye.... he said to me "Give ME a call and let's do dinner"..... That's a bit of a dilemma for me because I would really like it if he called me. You never know if someone says "you call me"... if it's a just a polite thing or not. Does that mean that he left the ball in my court? Does that mean if I don't call he will assume I don't like him and not call me? Argh.... At least with younger guys they are so tranparent with the pawing and the temper tantrums if you're not available. Not sure how to proceed with this one. I thanked him for paying (I never let anyone pay for me)... should I send him a text tomorrow and say I had a good time- or wait for him to call. My instincts say he digs me. But the "YOU call me" comment threw me off- as that is not normally my style. Dee Dee went on a date with someone older- and liked it... anyone that knows me from these boards knows that is weird- and, well good. Just want to know how to proceed with the "you call me comment"....
Jilly Bean Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Wait for him to call. He will!!! He's older and he knows the rules of the game and isn't going to have a problem contacting you. I also would NOT send him a text at all. Let him be the boy and pursue you. FTR, whenever a guy tells me to call him, I tell him I don't call guys, just so he knows the ball is back in his court. I'm so happy you had a date with someone age-appropriate for a real big girl relationship AND that he knocked your socks off!
Tomcat33 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Text him tomorrow and tell him you had a really good time. Don't think about it so much. See what his response is, and then tell him you definitely would love to do it again. That way you put the ball back in his court. If a guy verbally makes a future plan with you while you are out with him he is telling you "I am thinking I want to see you again" A guy that doesn't mention a future get together with you in the picture is thinking the opposite of that. All systems go girl! Don't think, do!
Capricciosa Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Don't be so paranoid. Asking you to call means he's leaving things in your court, giving you the power to accept him or reject him. Really, I've been there and I know your pain, but we live in 2008 not 1955! It's ok to have to power to choose, girls! If you like him, call him. If he's an adult, he is not playing games.
Green Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm suprised he doesn't want to just call, I hate it when a girl is going to call and I have to wait. In fact some times I tell a girl not to call when she said she would and instead I'll just call back or what ever. I'm in my mid 20's and I don't think 40 year old men are any less transparent its all in your head
rod_in_gtown Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Text him tomorrow and tell him you had a really good time. Don't think about it so much. See what his response is, and then tell him you definitely would love to do it again. That way you put the ball back in his court. If a guy verbally makes a future plan with you while you are out with him he is telling you "I am thinking I want to see you again" A guy that doesn't mention a future get together with you in the picture is thinking the opposite of that. All systems go girl! Don't think, do! Welcome to age-appropriate dating! :lmao::lmao::lmao: He's older, you'll find that even though he's interested, he'll be more in control of his eagerness. That's experience. Text him tomorrow during the day and tell him you had a great time. and leave it at that. He'll know you're not blowing him off, and should make the next move. Congrats!
Prodigal Princess Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Wait for him to call. He will!!! He's older and he knows the rules of the game and isn't going to have a problem contacting you. I also would NOT send him a text at all. Let him be the boy and pursue you. FTR, whenever a guy tells me to call him, I tell him I don't call guys, just so he knows the ball is back in his court. I'm so happy you had a date with someone age-appropriate for a real big girl relationship AND that he knocked your socks off! I second everything that Jilly said. Nice going, D. And keep us posted!
Tomcat33 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Welcome to age-appropriate dating! :lmao::lmao::lmao: He's older, you'll find that even though he's interested, he'll be more in control of his eagerness. That's experience. Text him tomorrow during the day and tell him you had a great time. and leave it at that. He'll know you're not blowing him off, and should make the next move. Congrats! Exactly! It's one thing to let the guy make the move but it's another to sit back and let him guess all the moves blindly. Why? Texting him to say "hey that was a lot of fun would love to do that again" and NOT mentioning a specific date is putting the signs on and leaving the next move up to him. Flirt, flirt, flirt!
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Older guys are da' best! Glad to see another LS member, having some fun. D-Lish, you have to do something because yes, he's leaving the ball in your court. He doesn't want to appear to be pushy and also, seeing if you did have a good time enough that you're interested. Call him but let him do the asking and making the arrangements.
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Please don't text him. He asked you to call him, and if you're going to date a grown up, use the grown up telephone to actually have a conversation that won't be misinterpreted and won't leave you hanging like a text sent off into the ether. Just have fun and don't overthink it.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Please don't text him. He asked you to call him, and if you're going to date a grown up, use the grown up telephone to actually have a conversation that won't be misinterpreted and won't leave you hanging like a text sent off into the ether. Just have fun and don't overthink it. Norajane is right. I LOVE calls over texts.
Author D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Ya, I'm proud of myself. We've had friendly exchanges on Lava and plenty o fish for about a year- I was just not open minded to someone my own age- it was too scary, because of course that meant relationship possibility. Finally- last night he contacted me again and said "girl- you're missing out, let's grab a drink tomorrow" (today).... so I did- and I am glad I did. I'm just torn on the calling thing- I'm old fashion that way- I think he should call me....even though he left it in my court to call him. JB- you are right- I missed out on saying to him- I'd love to do dinner- "you" call me.... lol. Oh well. I like the "welcome to the world of grown up dating" posting. If it doesn't work out- whatever.... at least I am feeling so much better and willing to open myself up. Like I said- he did ask me what my potential deal breakers were in the first few weeks of dating.... but he has also said he has retained friendships with women he met online, and enjoys expanding his social network regardless of whether or not there is chemistry. I don't think we had electric chemistry.... but I think we had a good date and great flowing conversation. I never felt an uncomfortable moment.... but I know how to date and make others feel comfortable, and considering his age and experience- he knows how to date too! My friend's are going to crap their pants when I tell them I went on a date with someone older than 25....lol.
Author D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Norajane is right. I LOVE calls over texts. Calls terrify me..... Really? When should I call- if I choose that route.
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Calls terrify me..... Really? When should I call- if I choose that route. When you want to do a little flirting.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Calls terrify me..... Really? When should I call- if I choose that route. Oh yeah, making the call terrifies me but receiving a call from a woman, I LOVE! If you do decide to call, call him the 2nd day. Which would be wednesday. He should ask you to dinner on Thursday if he's anything like me... then again I'm only 30
Tomcat33 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Calls terrify me..... Really? When should I call- if I choose that route. That's why you should text, a text says "hi, I am thinking about you..." flirty and cute. Then he has to make the next move, it's the perfect move non commital and "hey I LIKE YOU" move. If you call him then if he doesn't suggest going out you are stuck making some weird azz call. Of course if he does wanna go out then that's great. But calling him is showing him he says jump I say how high. Especially if he is older older dudes know what's what they play coy but they know what's going on. That's been my experience.
Prodigal Princess Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 That's why you should text, a text says "hi, I am thinking about you..." flirty and cute. Then he has to make the next move, it's the perfect move non commital and "hey I LIKE YOU" move. If you call him then if he doesn't suggest going out you are stuck making some weird azz call. Of course if he does wanna go out then that's great. But calling him is showing him he says jump I say how high. Especially if he is older older dudes know what's what they play coy but they know what's going on. That's been my experience. I agree with Tomcat. I think a call at this stage is unnecessary, especially if its going to make you sweat.
Tomcat33 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Sorry I was going to add this to my last post... I would not call JUST BECAUSE he said call, like do what he won't expect you know? That's my style though. I am a bit of a brat, and it kind of goes with my overall persona. I do bratty things to be playful. It's all in how you play it. I know everyone tells you don't play games and all that crap but look dating should be fun, it shouldn'd be serious and all about setting some hard fast rules and today I call tomorrow he calls today I say this tomrrow he says this, you know you flirt a little and the you pull back, then he flirts a little and he pulls back and you go back and forth and the attraction happens and before you know it you are seeing each other. Keeps it fun you know? Have fun! Ooops just saw the last post Prodigal, thanks!
Author D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Okay- cool. Rod, PP, NJ, Tcat.... I just get the anxiety about the call. It's my "thing".... I don't like phone calls early on. My instincts say he likes me. I don't know why I am being insecure. I had him in stitches.... He told me "I bet you get hit on all the time". So- i should stop being insecure and go with the instinct. I will wait for wednesday- and text him something friendly wednesday. JB may chime in and tell me to wait to hear from him. NoraJ- we did talk tonight about texting and how it is the new cool thing- so I think if I text instead of call it would be okay. I dunno- maybe he will contact me! Where are you JB
Jilly Bean Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm right here, hon! Don't call him. Don't text him. IF a week goes by and no word from him, THEN I would consider shooting off a VERY casual hello text - nothing about "Im thinking about you"... WAY too pushy too soon! IMO, it's the insecurity that makes women start to pursue men. They worry that the guy WON'T contact them, so rather than endure the waiting period, they push the envelope and therefore, push the guy. This guy is showing EVERY sign of being VERY interested. Give him some time, and I am certain he will contact you again.
Author D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 That's why you should text, a text says "hi, I am thinking about you..." flirty and cute. Then he has to make the next move, it's the perfect move non commital and "hey I LIKE YOU" move. If you call him then if he doesn't suggest going out you are stuck making some weird azz call. Of course if he does wanna go out then that's great. But calling him is showing him he says jump I say how high. Especially if he is older older dudes know what's what they play coy but they know what's going on. That's been my experience. I think I'll wait for wednesday and text with a "Hey you!" It's non-comittal. It's also showing I am just saying hello. I detected some heartbreak and insecurity in this guy- he's one of those guys that is pretty hot- but hasn't fully grasped it. That is what I am attributing the "u call me" thing to. If I think back- I was friendly Dee, funny Dee, and also guarded Dee.... I probably didn't give him "come "f" me signals".... which I would never do on a first date. I think, on a date- I give off the "very best friend" vibe. maybe that's confusing? You have to think of me as Elaine from Seinfeld. But- I have female friends too.
Author D-Lish Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Well, it's all okay- he sent me a message on POF asking me what I thought of him. He sent it within like minutes of getting home....!!! So I told him I thought he was cute and would love to talk more over dinner. I just got that message now. If he goes home and sends me a message immediately.... that's good right? I mean- I would have got home at 11:30...... his message came through before midnight. He likes me? I like him.
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Yes D-Lish, the man is smitten and yes, this is a good thing! You deserve this D. No man would respond that quickly if you weren't strongly on his mind. Flattering, isn't it? Keep us updated. I hope this man works out. He sounds like a keeper.
lovelorcet Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm suprised he doesn't want to just call, I hate it when a girl is going to call and I have to wait. In fact some times I tell a girl not to call when she said she would and instead I'll just call back or what ever. I'm in my mid 20's and I don't think 40 year old men are any less transparent its all in your head This is exactly the difference here. Younger men are more impatient and insecure which can be seen in this post. He is just being calm and cool and leaving the ball in your court. He does not want to play any stupid games with you. If you want to go back out with him then just get in touch with him.
Gold Pile Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 My instincts say he digs me. Of course he does! If that's you in the avatar....he wants you. Not saying he wouldn't want you for your other qualities too, just rest assured he wants you at least for your beauty.
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