tidal Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 My bf likes to instigate reactions out of everyone! He doesn't care if he has just met you, he will say something he knows you'll disagree with just to piss you off. I have come to accept this. However, it is known that he is extremely judgmental and is very condescending. So when I needed $6,000 for something quasi-necessary, and didn't have it, I knew that my boyfriend would say something mean and negative to me if I told him my financial distress. Instead, I turned to a long-time guy friend who offered to loan me half of the money. This friend has always had a thing for me but he knew that I was not interested in him now and never was. Also, he lives about a thousand miles away from my current residence. However, our im's have been mildly flirty but nothing sexual or serious. Mainly just little jokes. Anyway, my bf was on my computer when an im popped up that he found "odd". So he detectively went through my chat logs and felt that my conversations with this guy was inappropriate behavior for being in a relationship and was extremely pissed (deservedly so) that I hid my money situation from him. He said that he couldn't date a girl who was indebted to another guy and said that we were on a break until I paid my friend back (preferably before the middle of october) and that I am to never talk to anyone like that again (understandable). I realize that what I did was wrong and I definitely feel guilty and know I should be blamed. However, when discussing the situation with a friend, she felt that my boyfriend's ultimatum was selfish and uncalled for. Am i getting what I deserve or is he merely over reacting?
BCCA Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Well, I'm just going to point out a few points that stick out to me. First, borrowing money from a guy that has a thing for you, even if he lives on the moon, is still probably a bad call. Let's get serious, he wouldn't have loaned you a penny if he didn't like you and somehow think it would earn him some points. Then, you didn't tell your boyfriend about it. Even if you just wanted to keep it quiet to make things easier, when you dont tell your partner that you borrowed money from another guy that likes you, it LOOKS bad. He's probably wondering why you didn't tell him, and what happened with this guy to get him to loan you money (mildly flirty IM's probably dont help). He gave you a chance at redemption, and I think that's something to feel good about. Not a lot of people would give some one a chance to make things right. I think if you could show you were making every effort, he would see that you were serious, but I think he's being pretty fair. I know I would be upset if I was him. I just think you should take a look at it from his shoes. If he borrowed money from a girl who you know likes him and didnt tell you, how would you feel? You would probably be P-I-S-S-E-D! Just pay the money back, and apologize for your dishonesty. I think your ex has been fair, although maybe a little hardlined, with his demands for reconciliation. I think you should take that as a positive that he was willing to let you make things right knowing he would take you back if you did. He could of outright dumped you and told you off. Just my $0.02
Blondi26 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I agree that you shouldn't have borrowed this money from this guy. There had to be someone else who you could borrow money from. But, unless your bf is willing to man up and load you the cash, he prolly should shut his pie hole. It's none of his business where you get money from unless you have a chance of catching the hiv from some sleezy client and then passing it on to him. Pay back the loan, and then tell your bf that you are truly sorry and that it won't happen again. And tell him to stop being so controlling. He shoudn't be telling you want to do or looking thru your stuff.
Ronni_W Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Would your b/f have felt better if you had gone to a loan shark? And what is wrong with you trying to protect yourself from b/f's unnecessary condescension, criticism and "extreme" judgment over your financial situation? Your b/f sounds as if he is over-controlling -- who is he to say who you can or cannot talk with? And what does he mean "anyone like that"? -- like what? Like anyone who will help you out in your time of need? (It doesn't matter if the lender does or does not also have a thing for you. He had a choice of whether to help you or not. It's not anyone else's business what he decided to do with his money.) That is not to say that it was WISE of you to borrow money from this particular guy, but that's your business...and yours, alone. Pay him back according to whatever payment schedule the two of you originally decided upon. And that's fine if your b/f is pissed over the flirty IMs. But that part of it is totally separate from your private and personal financial transactions with whomever. He is trying to mush them together so that he can have simultaneous control over BOTH the situations. But only one of them is for him to have any say in.
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