smalltownsingle Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Hi, I am in a very serious 1 year relationship with my boyfriend. We are both in our early 30s and are discussing marriage. The one thing that bothers me about our relationship is I have trouble getting over his past sexual encounters. I have my share of sexual experiences but nothing too kinky. Him on the other hand have tried everything. I dont even dare ask him if he tried something before... I know he probably have. I have to say... my boyfriend talks A LOT. It is just his normal self to talk talk talk. But sometimes he brings up some of his past sexual relationships and goes into too many details and I cant help but feel insecure when he does. Then I give him **** for telling me that and bringing it up. Worst thing is sometimes I make him bring it up by asking questions but then he goes too far. I trust him even if he works away more than half the time, I know he wont do anything wrong. In fact we talk for hours every night. I know he loves me a lot. We are very open and honnest to each other and he always treats me with lots of respect and is extremely affectionate towards me. Whenever I get those insecurities he is usually very good at reassuring me that he loves me and nothing bad will happen. He even tells me that he likes my little jealous side sometimes. But sometimes I push it too far and he gets mad at me and tells me I dont trust him. I really love this man, I truely beleive he is the love of my life and I want to propose to him real soon... but before, I want that jealousy to go away or to be more under control. Any advice to help me out with this would help.
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Why do you think it's bothering you? What do you fear or find upsetting about his past? How do you think his past affects your present?
Author smalltownsingle Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Well... for one, he cheated a lot in his past.... That was more than 10 years ago and he did have a gf of 9 years after that without cheating on her at all. But he talks a lot and sometimes likes to be the devils advocate and he will tell me that men that cheat sometimes have good reasons to cheat. It makes me unsecure, especially because he is away and I get mental images of him cheating even though I dont think he would. Second thing is, he's done things with other girls that I wouldnt do (ex: 3somes, peeing on the girl, anal sex, sex with married women... ) He claims that he loves to try new experiences. I have opened up and have accepted to be a bit more kinky with him and we did try new stuff. But sometimes I just hate it that I cant be more kinky than those girls. And last thing, he kept flirting with a girl in emails the first couple of months we were together. Nothing too bad, and he is not talking to her anymore. But sometimes I cant help but think about that, and it makes me lose some trust in him even though Im pretty sure he will never do it again. I try to forget about it but I keep bringing it up.
Poncho Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 The past is the past. He is with you now and that's all that should matter. You need to forget about all those things, and ask him not to bring them up. If he respects you he would stop.
kyleargyle Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm the same way with my partner's pasts, but it's just something you have to power through.
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