nopainnogain Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 To those of you who have came to the feeling of indifference. I know I have reached this point when I hear about my ex thru mutual friends and really couldnt care less. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 When you find yourself telling someone a funny story about when you and your ex got trapped in an elevator...and that's all it means to you, just a funny story. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ... when you don't care whether you hear from them or not. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 ... when you don't care whether you hear from them or not. I second this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 When you find yourself telling someone a funny story about when you and your ex got trapped in an elevator...and that's all it means to you, just a funny story. Very true. I can actually look back at funny moments with her and laugh , with the thought just being a funny story. Link to post Share on other sites
MichiganMan222 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 When you hear from outside sources they are seeing someone and you are actually happy about it. (And i'm not talking 'I love you so i want what's best for you, so therefore I'm happy, but not really and its tearing my into tiny little pieces that ants could carry away' happy for them......but genuinely happy and relieved). Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I knew I was over one of my obsessions... When I drove in front of his house and I "forgot". Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 When you hear from outside sources they are seeing someone and you are actually happy about it.. I forget about this. I havent encountered this hurdle yet. In case I do I think Im well prepared . Plus she cheated on me physically/emotionally so Ive already felt the pain lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 When you do not feel anger at them anymore and you just 'accept'! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Yes, acceptance is an interesting and peaceful thing Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think the litmus test is if you can run into them when they're with their new lover and not feel a THING. It can take a LONG time to pass this litmus test. I think there's actually a sizable stage in which you feel you're over the person, but could still be shaken up by seeing them with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I knew I was truly indifferent when I could think about her boinking the new guy and not caring. (and I don't!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 I knew I was truly indifferent when I could think about her boinking the new guy and not caring. (and I don't!) Hey ,whats up buddy. I did some stuoid crap last night and would like your advice pls. Last night a had a crazy dream with my ex in it. (I havent spoken to her in 6 months.) So I woke up in a cold sweat at 3am. Something got into me and I texted her........ " Im sorry im calling you and I hope you dont trip out. But I FUc*in miss you! unfortunantly there is nothing I can do about it. I dont know you anymore " She replied. "Im doing ok, I miss you too everyday but no matter how hard things get life goes on" How do I shake the feeling of shame for txting her? I dont know why i did it but I did. I dont think this will set me back but I shoulda maintained n/c. When its been so long n/c doesnt matter anymore????? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Hey ,whats up buddy. I did some stuoid crap last night and would like your advice pls. Last night a had a crazy dream with my ex in it. (I havent spoken to her in 6 months.) So I woke up in a cold sweat at 3am. Something got into me and I texted her........ " Im sorry im calling you and I hope you dont trip out. But I FUc*in miss you! unfortunantly there is nothing I can do about it. I dont know you anymore " She replied. "Im doing ok, I miss you too everyday but no matter how hard things get life goes on" How do I shake the feeling of shame for txting her? I dont know why i did it but I did. I dont think this will set me back but I shoulda maintained n/c. When its been so long n/c doesnt matter anymore????? thanks It's ok man. We all have weak days. She's sending a clear message to move on with life and you should do that. Not sure what you are doing to occupy your time but I suggest the gym, friends, new hobbies and yes, even going out on dates. The more you occupy your thoughts with her, the longer it's going to take to heal up and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 It's ok man. We all have weak days. She's sending a clear message to move on with life and you should do that. Not sure what you are doing to occupy your time but I suggest the gym, friends, new hobbies and yes, even going out on dates. The more you occupy your thoughts with her, the longer it's going to take to heal up and move on. thats the kicker. I have a lot of work to keep me busy, I work on my muscle car, I go to car clubs, go out on dates, Im actually seeing this beautiful french girl kind of (shes in the process of divorce so im not diving in ), my anger towards my ex for her cheating on me has diminished. I guess I still have a little resentment for her not reaching out and aplologizing or not calling to see how I am. But I understand, she probably doesnt want to lead me on which she doesnt realize that she wouldnt if she did reach out. ????? Once in a while I feel like ill never meet a girl like her, but thats when I think good thoughts about her. But ill never forget the horrible things she has done which reminds me why I am not with her anymore. I accept the bad things about her though and I have forgiven her in my own heart and mind. Never told her because whats the point. Thats my own closure. She was young and inexperienced and I know we both will become better ppl in this world because of our failed R. Its unfortunate we didnt meet later in life when we are both more experienced and mature but these are the cards god dealt us. Thanks for hearing me out bro. Link to post Share on other sites
foxh1234 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I want to reach the point of indifference asap. I still think of her daily and wish that things could have worked out. I don't want her back after what has happened but it doesn't stop me from still wondering about her. It is getting close to 6 months since the breakup and I have came a long way but I still have a lot of feelings that I need to work through. It will happen, it's just going to take time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 I want to reach the point of indifference asap. I still think of her daily and wish that things could have worked out. I don't want her back after what has happened but it doesn't stop me from still wondering about her. It is getting close to 6 months since the breakup and I have came a long way but I still have a lot of feelings that I need to work through. It will happen, it's just going to take time. I think im in the same time frame as you as far as healing process goes. Been 6 months since we split. But your healing is process is a little more advanced , from reading your post. I see the light at the end of the tunnel but that girl had/s some kind of hold on me that is tough to shake. I am however 1000 times better compared to the first few months after the split which shows me life does get better slowly but surely. Inch by inch and lifes a cinch, yard by yard and life is hard . So true. The good things in life dont come easy. We gotta work hard to get the good things in life. I think I need to move to a unkown city . I think that would help me out a lot. Ive been in SoCal all my life. Which I love but I have a feeling if I move to lets say Berkeley S.F my life would improve dramatically:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 i pray for the feeling of indifference everyday. i cant wait to get there. i just dont want to think about this anymore. in any way. nopain- maybe moving is a good thing. i thought maybe i should to. but id be afraid id be more lonely. more lonely then being in NY surrounded by friends and family? is that even possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 nopain- maybe moving is a good thing. i thought maybe i should to. but id be afraid id be more lonely. more lonely then being in NY surrounded by friends and family? is that even possible? I thought that to . But im lonely where I am at now. Everyones different but for me.... I'd rather move to a unkown city and appreciate new surroundings and new people. Fresh start. Wont have any choice but to get better ,right? The quickest way to learning ourselves is overcoming and facing our fears . New challenges. Which for me is getting all my stuff, and going to a unkwown city. I pick berkeley because my cousins and my best friend from high school live up there. Other than them its up to me to build a network up there. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 NPNG, please dont beat yourself up over your text, you were married for goodness sake you are allowed to have a weak moment! You didnt do any harm! My ex used to text me at 3am calling me every name under the sun, now THAT is something to regret! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 NPNG, please dont beat yourself up over your text, you were married for goodness sake you are allowed to have a weak moment! You didnt do any harm! My ex used to text me at 3am calling me every name under the sun, now THAT is something to regret! Thanks lishy for the kind words. 6 months ago when I found out about her wayward ways I left her with no looking back, No regrets . I just miss the girl I used to know. She changed, ive changed, and times have changed. She really is a complete stranger now which trips me the F*ck out lol. I guess im a stranger to her too.Why Cant we all just get along Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 You tell me, why cant you get along? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I want to reach the point of indifference asap. I still think of her daily and wish that things could have worked out. I don't want her back after what has happened but it doesn't stop me from still wondering about her. It is getting close to 6 months since the breakup and I have came a long way but I still have a lot of feelings that I need to work through. It will happen, it's just going to take time. That's going to take a while -- until you meet someone new, Fox. You need to get out and start dating, bro! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nopainnogain Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 You tell me, why cant you get along? Basically our 6 year R turned into a toxic relationship 4 1/2 years in . We relied heavily on eachothers happiness, she was jealous and manipulative. I didnt have much ambition towards the end because I became depressed because her and my best friend had a lot of suspicious things going on.that was may of 06. I told my friend to take a hike and stayed with her. She ended up cheating on me again with her co worker for most of 07 as far as I know.I found that out earlier this year. Thats when I had no choice but to leave even though I still loved her. That was in march.......... I shoulda left her in may of 06. But her manipulative ways kicked in telling me "your the only one"..... "Dont leave me"......"me and you forever" ....yada yada yada..... Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Ok, BUT at some point you will have to forgive her and get over the past. You have children that need both parents and you need to find forgivness for you to move on and grow Link to post Share on other sites
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