does he want me or not?

[goldencloud]

WHY would best describe what I feel!

Ive been scanning the entire net trying to look for songs about 'letting it go' and moving etc, but unfortunately its not working too well...because i CAN'T let go, or maybe i need someone to drum in some sense to me!!

okay so about 2 months ago, went out with some friends and met this fantastic guy, or rather he met me, cos he swooped his away over(we have mutual friends) and we proceeded to have the most glittering conversation ever. In any case he had to leave but asked for my number and whether we could have drinks sometime!

he calls me up a few days later, and we end up going somewhere for drinks! Oh it was fabulas!like maybe im a fool, but i sincerely thought we had a good click. and truth be told, at this point i really thought he was more into it then i was...(oh the deceit, oh the deceit)

he was asking me all sorts of questions like how long i would living in the country cause had relocated here from australia. quesitons like my favourite colour...and ended it off by asking me when he could see me again

before our next 'official date' some of my friends and i ended up accompanying his friends to some place. it was great. he was like holding my hands, and we ended up kissing infront view of his firiends...maybe i should have known better cause his crowd are all the 'player man about town' type...u know working from freaking 4am till their blackberries run out of battery...sigh...and u know how guys like that can be...'da chickz just keep running towards them'

but i really thought he was different and maybe he is but i messed it up somehow or the connection died, or THERE was no connection...

anyways i digress

second date was fab, it was a lunch, he was holding my hands, and kept going on about how he had never met anyone like me, and he was looking just mesmoried (oh foolish me)...and he keeps laughing and laughing at pretty much every sotry i would say(perhaps i talk too much)...but the thing is im a very 'honest' person as in when i like someone, i like someone, and it shows..like all this games and pretending u dont feel what u feel...it's just not me...we end up going to drinks later, and kissing...and it wasn't like sleazy or anything, and i had made sure he didnt think i was some easy ride like probably many other girls he gets...(in retrospect who was i to assume things but ANYWAYS thats a story for another time)

he starts going on about ice skating and how we should go, and pretty much making long term plans etc

at this point, of course i was happy. i liked him alot!

he then says he can't see me till the following week cos things at his work are mad(he's a stocksbroker) and is it okay with me

im like gosh no problem

but the only issue is, he hardly communicates between dates! and i guess judging from this post, if there is aything im not...its a symbol of silence and nonchalance!

so i txt him a few times to see how his days are etc..reply=scare and far in between...(surely life cannot be so frantic that a text does not warrant a reply!!)

anyways we went to a wonderful dinner, a bit too much wine, a bit too much talking/opening up from my end...oh no, not like in a desperate woe is me way, but more like ull never beluieve what happened way! like telling him about this and that...and he kept laughing...and was like i talk so much and i was like whatever u know u love it, and he's like u have no idea etc etc

so we have such a great time(in my head maybe sigh) but i really thought we had a good time. he's like lets grab some drinks before u go home( had a super early morning for some work presentation and wouldnt have been able to stay long)

but before we get to the bar, we had the most...PASSIONATE make out ever...well kissing more then anything, but unless im severely deluded it was mega chemistry.

and afterwards,he's like hey dont want u to walk alone, why don;t u come over to my place, and ill order u a car

and at this point im really comfortable with him, and like i said we have many mutual friends so it's not like some stranger i have no links to

we go to his place, chill and of course start kissing...but then his hands started to travel to various regions, and see im not comfortable with that unless i really know the person, so i kept stopping him, but not in a NOOOOO how COULDDD u fashion, but light heated taps and putting his hands firmly on my waist and saying things like we've only gone on 3 dates hahaha! etc etc...anyways after much MUCH MUCH kissing..(where do the hours go...)...we were just lying on his bed, and he was holding me(i repeat captive)...well not really, but just kind of spooning me for FREAKING 20 mins...i felt like a 79 yr old married couple...and i was like uh i should go cos really need to get home

he calls me his car, and i say goodbye, but it was all a bit strained..and honeslty felt like such a little courtesan...(wined/dined/ ..car-ed) in any case before i left he was like he has so much work and is it okay to meet up a week from then cos too mnay obligations

i was like sure its no problem

anyways in the next few days, i barely heard from him. so i send him a few txts with half hearted replies from his saying he was in meetings/clients etc

until he txts me a week later telling me that he's been thinking alot about us and thinks we should end it. he doesnt wanna lead me on as he s not ready for a relationship. he thinks im a great girl but the timing is really off for him

my aunty was with me at this moment and in her foolish fashion of 'must retain dignity' was like txt him back 'i feel the same way. its good you said it first. x'

OH THE DECEIT!

i felt so foolish sending such a message cos truly he was a good guy

so in my foolishness, i sent him a txt a week later saying 'so im a post reactionist, but was deleting my old messages and came across the one id send u and how it could be misinterpreted. what i meant to say was i respect your honesty. i know its passe to explain myself now, but i think ur a great guy and it was good hanging out. c u around!'

 

see the kind of person i am i can't let things go unless i'm 'honest'...maybe this honesty is not good! the thing is i cant play games, i say it as it is!!

 

he replies saying it was really nice of me to send him that message and he hopes everything is good with me

silence for 2 weeks until i txt him causally hey hope everything is super with u! he replied the next day saying heyy thanks. same to u. we should do drinks soon

i txt back a few hrs later with yeah for sure, sometime this week, would be great to catch up

he txts back this week is really tough but how about next week

and i was like sure, contact me then

 

so my PLEA to u is...what is going on? is he interested? is he not?

whatever it is, please wake me up from this reverie

i really just want a jolt into reality, and would REALLY REALLY appreciate any help. i just like him alot. what should i do?

thanking you for any responses!!!

[itgirlragdoll]

Okay, so, he was all wine, dine, and sweet talk until he tried to put the moves on you (physically), then you turned him down (which you had every right to do), and suddenly he's not "ready" for a "relationship".

 

I think it's pretty obvious what's going on. He wants sex, and you wouldn't provide it, so he's looking elsewhere, and maybe trying to keep you somewhat available on the side.

[goldencloud]

you have no idea how much i appreciate your response!

its amazing how reading such advice can really help one!

it just sucks cause i really liked him, and to feel i was taken for a ride isnt the best feeling i guess:sick:

[sultry33]

dont appear too keen;)

 

at least you are still communicating... but be careful some guys like the chase thats all and they will do whatever it takes to get you:p

 

its not about game playin its about survival... if i like a guy id wait it out see what he does..

[goldencloud]

you're absolutely right

if he does call me, and we end up going out, ill honestly just be calm/collected/cool

i guess i just feel like a fool! ive always prided myself on the 'not playing games' thing, but at same time like u said for some guys u never do know the agenda

[itgirlragdoll]

you have no idea how much i appreciate your response!

its amazing how reading such advice can really help one!

it just sucks cause i really liked him, and to feel i was taken for a ride isnt the best feeling i guess:sick:

 

I understand; nobody ever wants to think that, especially not about someone they really genuinely like.

 

But as Sultry mentioned, I don't know him or you, or the whole scenario, so that's not necessarily the case. Just the impression I got, and seems most likely. If you really want to know, don't contact him for a while, and see what happens. If he was really interested in you, he would contact you. He wouldn't let two weeks go by with no communication until you send him a message. At least, most guys wouldn't.

[sultry33]

you're absolutely right

if he does call me, and we end up going out, ill honestly just be calm/collected/cool

i guess i just feel like a fool! ive always prided myself on the 'not playing games' thing, but at same time like u said for some guys u never do know the agenda

 

dont feel like a fool just know your own boundaries an have fun.. respect yourself and dont get into player mode.. think of him as fun not omg and you will be ok

 

never put a new guy too high up even if you feel it;)

[goldencloud]

true true!

i guess the problem is ive been in a serious relationship for so long that i've lost all 'casual' dating skills!

:S

has this ever happened to anyone else? and if yes, what did u do? did he ever come groveling back

(i can dream can't i)

[sultry33]

true true!

i guess the problem is ive been in a serious relationship for so long that i've lost all 'casual' dating skills!

:S

has this ever happened to anyone else? and if yes, what did u do? did he ever come groveling back

(i can dream can't i)

 

yea i was played:o hence now ive learned;)

 

this guy was like wow your so lovely.. sexy..confident

took me out..was texting.. callin lots.. had similar interests etc.. soon as he thought he had got me it was over.. although i did not chase it was kinda weird

now i know too wait it out... he was fit as:p

 

i only texted him to once to say thanks for dinner...

he texted back had a great time... but i didnt reply neither did he.. his loss

[goldencloud]

aww thanks for sharing!

i dont feel so alone in my bubble of 'rejection' ...well not really rejection i guess, more like we had differing agendas...his geared towards the x rated sigh!

what i dont understand is why his friends(when i met them) made such a fuss, one of his best friends saying how he had fallen for me etc infront of him

maybe a mass conspiracy!

i just hate this feeling of 'want' , hopefully it will subside, for sure your advices have been of tremendous value

[audrey_1]

true true!

i guess the problem is ive been in a serious relationship for so long that i've lost all 'casual' dating skills!

:S

has this ever happened to anyone else? and if yes, what did u do? did he ever come groveling back

(i can dream can't i)

 

 

Yep. I was in a relationship for four years, engaged for the last year, then I called it off because I knew it wasn't right. Six months later, I began an LDR that I've been in for the past 15 months. For the first couple of months, he was present and said/did all the right things. It's been downhill since, and I've felt like I was doing the chasing. He said he was worried about the distance, his financial security, yada yada. He just wasn't in to me. I realized the "casual" thing is very hard for me. I don't want to waste my time if I'm not willing to at least invest a little. My time is precious, and so is yours.

 

Don't do this.

 

I started NC today. I doubt he'll come groveling back.

[goldencloud]

you guys, i just had to say that i signed up for this site this evening cos i was going mad trying to figure this out for myself, and all these responses have really made my day. it helps to know ur not alone!

thank u!!!

[Lucky_One]

You asked if he is interested.

 

No, he is not.

 

He said you are a great girl. He wanted to have sex. You (wisely) stopped him. He told you that he didn't want to have a R with you.

 

You texted him that you agreed that there was no chemistry. No response, which is cool.

 

You texted him a week later that you think he is a great guy. He says Thanks.

 

You texted him two weeks later and ask him how he's doing. 24 hours later he says fine, and he adds "(air kiss) (air kiss) let's do lunch sometime dahlink".

 

You text back with the speed and tenacity of a pit bull and say "Oh yeah! This week!" He replies, "Can't do it this week. But I'll get in touch. Really. Let me pencil you in the Filofax"

 

He has not made an effort to pursue you at all. He will go a week between dates, and reply halfheartedly to your texts. He gave you some polite responses to your pursuit texts that probably mean nothing more to him than they do to me.

 

IF A MAN WANTS YOU, HE WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS TO CONTACT YOU OR ASK YOU OUT. Period.

 

Move on. He is showing your texts to his friends.

[goldencloud]

oh my goodness! first props for the summarising...wow, it really struck me...like a reality slap which i really need...!!

im severely doubting going...it'll just feel like im as important to him as a withered up raincoat...

but when(IF being the biggest factor here)he does call, should i just ignore it? or pick up?

i know i know, i must sound so foolish, but its really hard to judge when ur smack down in the situation, and i 'always assume the best' contrary to everything my intuition tells me..

once again, thank u so much for your input:)

[sultry33]

oh my goodness! first props for the summarising...wow, it really struck me...like a reality slap which i really need...!!

im severely doubting going...it'll just feel like im as important to him as a withered up raincoat...

but when(IF being the biggest factor here)he does call, should i just ignore it? or pick up?

i know i know, i must sound so foolish, but its really hard to judge when ur smack down in the situation, and i 'always assume the best' contrary to everything my intuition tells me..

once again, thank u so much for your input:)

 

 

thought you was busy?

 

if you just want a hook up go.. if you want more.. get busy imo

 

theres a guy out there ...plenty .. who will not be busy:D

[Lucky_One]

If he calls, you already know that he doesn't want a R. But he does want kissing, fondling and everything else that goes with that.

 

So if you go out with him, be prepared for him to push for that. If you give in, and never hear from him again, you will despise the way you behaved and wish it back.

 

Go for what YOU want. Not what HE wants. You want a R. He wants some FB stuff. You can keep hanging onto the thought of him, but when a guy tells you something truthful that hurts your feelings and you don't want to hear, believe him.

[goldencloud]

no no, i really don't want a 'hook up'...i just couldnt do it, unless i really knew the guy and felt that he cared/respected me...and didnt view me as a tasty sliver of meat!

i think i was too idealistic, thinking that inwardly he must have felt what i felt, it's honestly quite embarrasing to even type it within the anonymity of this site...but i really somehow thought he felt as i did, and thus could make him 'see the light'

GOOD GRIEF! how naive these aspirations of mine looked printed so...boldly!

i think ill just not reply if he does call, its too much of a burden to...and besides if im so 'important' to him, he would call me again...as ive done in the GAH past!

[Lucky_One]

I suspect he did feel what you felt - a great chemistry. Kissing someone that you have good chemistry is just plain fun. Not many people don't like that.

 

But just bc you felt chemistry doesn't mean that he wants a serious R. Two people love banana pudding equally. Person 1 has a taste of it, but is too full or doesn't have time to eat a serving of it. Person 2 has a taste and wants to eat the entire Pyrex bowl of it bc he/she is starving for it.

 

it's great, but you ultimately want different things for the outcome.

 

Lord have mercy, don't be embarassed. Things happen. Most Rs don't work out. This is adult life - have fun with it! You learned something, and you had fun kissing.

[goldencloud]

true. ive come to the conclusion that its wiser not to respond to him if he does call/txt/smoke signal...

in the end, and my (long ignored) intuition points out that its a very bad idea.

unfortunately i fall fast, and heavy...but with closure i think its possible to move forth, and i realy do think all this advice has helped me MUCH more then the monologues within myself!

scenario 1- he sees me, is smitten, i walk away into the night as he longs for me and realises error of his ways

scenario 2- i feel like a right twit. sitting there with man who's correspondence with me(unless he was of course corresponding with some part of my body/lips) was on par with lukewarm soup

scenario 3- he might just never call, and i got to face up to that and squash my idealistic notions!

oh harsh truth! would be easier if everyone came with a manual!

[goldencloud]

I must have memorised all the advice given on this board!

[LisaDee]

Aim higher girl

it's alright to date someone with no particular agenda, to see how things go. Unfortunately he put an abrupt ending with that with his 'not ready for R' line. seeing him any further would be walking towards a guaranteed end.

don't waste your time, it's precious