goldencloud Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 WHY would best describe what I feel! Ive been scanning the entire net trying to look for songs about 'letting it go' and moving etc, but unfortunately its not working too well...because i CAN'T let go, or maybe i need someone to drum in some sense to me!! okay so about 2 months ago, went out with some friends and met this fantastic guy, or rather he met me, cos he swooped his away over(we have mutual friends) and we proceeded to have the most glittering conversation ever. In any case he had to leave but asked for my number and whether we could have drinks sometime! he calls me up a few days later, and we end up going somewhere for drinks! Oh it was fabulas!like maybe im a fool, but i sincerely thought we had a good click. and truth be told, at this point i really thought he was more into it then i was...(oh the deceit, oh the deceit) he was asking me all sorts of questions like how long i would living in the country cause had relocated here from australia. quesitons like my favourite colour...and ended it off by asking me when he could see me again before our next 'official date' some of my friends and i ended up accompanying his friends to some place. it was great. he was like holding my hands, and we ended up kissing infront view of his firiends...maybe i should have known better cause his crowd are all the 'player man about town' type...u know working from freaking 4am till their blackberries run out of battery...sigh...and u know how guys like that can be...'da chickz just keep running towards them' but i really thought he was different and maybe he is but i messed it up somehow or the connection died, or THERE was no connection... anyways i digress second date was fab, it was a lunch, he was holding my hands, and kept going on about how he had never met anyone like me, and he was looking just mesmoried (oh foolish me)...and he keeps laughing and laughing at pretty much every sotry i would say(perhaps i talk too much)...but the thing is im a very 'honest' person as in when i like someone, i like someone, and it shows..like all this games and pretending u dont feel what u feel...it's just not me...we end up going to drinks later, and kissing...and it wasn't like sleazy or anything, and i had made sure he didnt think i was some easy ride like probably many other girls he gets...(in retrospect who was i to assume things but ANYWAYS thats a story for another time) he starts going on about ice skating and how we should go, and pretty much making long term plans etc at this point, of course i was happy. i liked him alot! he then says he can't see me till the following week cos things at his work are mad(he's a stocksbroker) and is it okay with me im like gosh no problem but the only issue is, he hardly communicates between dates! and i guess judging from this post, if there is aything im not...its a symbol of silence and nonchalance! so i txt him a few times to see how his days are etc..reply=scare and far in between...(surely life cannot be so frantic that a text does not warrant a reply!!) anyways we went to a wonderful dinner, a bit too much wine, a bit too much talking/opening up from my end...oh no, not like in a desperate woe is me way, but more like ull never beluieve what happened way! like telling him about this and that...and he kept laughing...and was like i talk so much and i was like whatever u know u love it, and he's like u have no idea etc etc so we have such a great time(in my head maybe sigh) but i really thought we had a good time. he's like lets grab some drinks before u go home( had a super early morning for some work presentation and wouldnt have been able to stay long) but before we get to the bar, we had the most...PASSIONATE make out ever...well kissing more then anything, but unless im severely deluded it was mega chemistry. and afterwards,he's like hey dont want u to walk alone, why don;t u come over to my place, and ill order u a car and at this point im really comfortable with him, and like i said we have many mutual friends so it's not like some stranger i have no links to we go to his place, chill and of course start kissing...but then his hands started to travel to various regions, and see im not comfortable with that unless i really know the person, so i kept stopping him, but not in a NOOOOO how COULDDD u fashion, but light heated taps and putting his hands firmly on my waist and saying things like we've only gone on 3 dates hahaha! etc etc...anyways after much MUCH MUCH kissing..(where do the hours go...)...we were just lying on his bed, and he was holding me(i repeat captive)...well not really, but just kind of spooning me for FREAKING 20 mins...i felt like a 79 yr old married couple...and i was like uh i should go cos really need to get home he calls me his car, and i say goodbye, but it was all a bit strained..and honeslty felt like such a little courtesan...(wined/dined/ ..car-ed) in any case before i left he was like he has so much work and is it okay to meet up a week from then cos too mnay obligations i was like sure its no problem anyways in the next few days, i barely heard from him. so i send him a few txts with half hearted replies from his saying he was in meetings/clients etc until he txts me a week later telling me that he's been thinking alot about us and thinks we should end it. he doesnt wanna lead me on as he s not ready for a relationship. he thinks im a great girl but the timing is really off for him my aunty was with me at this moment and in her foolish fashion of 'must retain dignity' was like txt him back 'i feel the same way. its good you said it first. x' OH THE DECEIT! i felt so foolish sending such a message cos truly he was a good guy so in my foolishness, i sent him a txt a week later saying 'so im a post reactionist, but was deleting my old messages and came across the one id send u and how it could be misinterpreted. what i meant to say was i respect your honesty. i know its passe to explain myself now, but i think ur a great guy and it was good hanging out. c u around!' see the kind of person i am i can't let things go unless i'm 'honest'...maybe this honesty is not good! the thing is i cant play games, i say it as it is!! he replies saying it was really nice of me to send him that message and he hopes everything is good with me silence for 2 weeks until i txt him causally hey hope everything is super with u! he replied the next day saying heyy thanks. same to u. we should do drinks soon i txt back a few hrs later with yeah for sure, sometime this week, would be great to catch up he txts back this week is really tough but how about next week and i was like sure, contact me then so my PLEA to u is...what is going on? is he interested? is he not? whatever it is, please wake me up from this reverie i really just want a jolt into reality, and would REALLY REALLY appreciate any help. i just like him alot. what should i do? thanking you for any responses!!! 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BCCA Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Well, here is my impression: He seemed like he is always interested in getting drinks, and to me, that SCREAMS 'guy that just wants to get laid'. I always tell my female friends that if a guy tends to push dates toward getting drinks and tries to steer you toward their place, they usually have one thing on their mind. I think you should honestly asses your last get together where he kind of tested your limits. Seems to me, he went for it all, and when you backed him off, he 'wasnt looking for a relationship'. And when you go to explain yourself, what does he do? SUGGEST GETTING DRINKS!!! I know its always good times to have a few and relax, but your first few dates should be like going to a museum, nice dinner, movies, etc. LISTEN CLOSELY: guys know that a few drinks CAN greatly improve their chances of 'sealing the deal', so if all a guy can come up with is drinks, think long and hard about what hes after. If you suggest other things and he suddenly is super busy, there's your answer. To make a long story short, seems like he was after sex, nothing more. Sorry, I know people are jerks, but you did the right thing not to be used. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 you're right! the whole time i was reading your post, i just couldnt stop from laughing cause it makes sense! infact that whole time i was writing the post, i couldnt get over how many times i mentioned 'drinks' but i don't know, in my perhaps naive head i didnt think too much of it! i'm just upset cause i did like him, and its not like the only thing we did was guzzle down the alcoholic beverages we had some really really amazing conversations, and i honestly felt we had a real click and furthermore because we have so many friends in common, didnt think he would try the whole sleep with her, ditch her tactic generally i don't like to think of myself as a fool, and can assess situations really well, and trust my intuition which is why i was (mildly) surprised i guess in any case, if he does call to meet again, how should i be? natural right. see im not even sure if id want to win him over, but a selfish avengeful part of me wants him to want me hey at least i'm honest about it!!! it just really puzzles me cause i really did think he liked me, and i recall the night i met his friends, they kept telling me that he really liked me infront of him and his best friend was like he's totally fallen for u, we should all go out for dinner.. UNLESS its a mass conspiracy !! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I'm sure he did/does like you. Men don't go after every woman. They go after the ones they like. He was honest and told you that he believed you should stop seeing each other. He could have been a d*ck and kept taking you out until you had sex with him and THEN told you he didn't want a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 yeah true, which is exactly why i felt so foolish about the intial bitter type text(under severe aunt influence in defense haha) and sent him a more honest one stating that i did enjoy meeting him etc and respected his honesty it just hurts me cause i liked him, and don;t really know where to proceed from here...if he does call me, whether to go or not..cos dont wanna go if it's like some 'pity treat' he's bestowing on me..most likely not, but ah in light of recent events, i guess im not the most objective! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 How old are the two of you goldencloud? I could tell you stories upon stories about the young bucks that break into the biz! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 If you meet up with him, remember this: - He has been very clear with you. He is not the kind of guy who wants a relationship, or would even be good in a relationship. - He knows he has been very clear with you, so anything that you do now is on your conscience. Meaning, if you have drinks with him and he starts looking at you and smiling at you and he kisses you and you melt and take him home...it's ALL on you, it's YOUR decision to have sex with a man who IS NOT going to become your bf. - He is not saying let's get together for drinks because he's changed, or thinks he might change, his mind about not wanting a relationship. He's saying it because he likes you and maybe hopes that YOU will change your mind about having sex with him even though you know he doesn't want a gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 heyy i'm 23 and he's 29! i would definately like to hear the stories:) Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Most of these guys break into the industry when they're around 25 years old, after university. Reliant on the type of firm he works for, he'll have cold called or bonded with a mentor, thus have a portfolio of clients by the time he's 29. This usually means that unless he's from old money, he'll be going a little wild with a little too much pocket cash and not enough common sense. In order of priorities: MoneySexAlcoholCocaineSports car ...999. Relationship These boy wonders have got some time before they're ready for a relationship. The market is terrible right now, so he'll be spending all day, giving his clients some comfort and telling them not to panic sell, it's just a correction or cyclical downturn... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 In order of priorities: MoneySexAlcoholCocaineSports car ... 999. Relationship These boy wonders have got some time before they're ready for a relationship. I was going to say they burn through women as quickly as they do cash... Listen to TBF - she's spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 that post was HILARIOUS!!!! my laughter is echoing through my empty apartment!! now that u mention is, i might have met his 'mentor'...i was wondering who the straggly haired fellow was...he's the one who came up to me saying 'yeah he really likes you ' infront of the guy oh straggly haired mentor! yeah he spends about a thousand hours a day with clients! hopefully wont lose his great head of hair through stress:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I think he's looking for some easy action. Sorry, but if he really likes you, he wouldn't have tried to lay you after the second date. And he certainly wouldn't have given you the "i'm not ready for a relationship' bs. You could be his fb if you play your cards right. I think you can find a man who respects you a lot more than this guy.......imo Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I was going to say they burn through women as quickly as they do cash... Listen to TBF - she's spot on. Sounds to me you've met a few of these guys. 60% of them burn themselves out after that! Only the smart ones survive. Anyone can make it through a bull market. When the bear market hits, so does the culling process. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Sounds to me you've met a few of these guys. 60% of them burn themselves out after that! Only the smart ones survive. Anyone can make it through a bull market. When the bear market hits, so does the culling process. Oh, yes...Board of Trade, Mercantile Exchange, Options Exchange, options clearing houses... They're not much better at relationships even in their 30's and later. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Oh, yes...Board of Trade, Mercantile Exchange, Options Exchange, options clearing houses... They're not much better at relationships even in their 30's and later. Fly boys! Survival rate on those guys are far, far less! Most can't tell a butterfly spread from an...errrr...nvm! At one house, we used to have a survival pool. You put money down on the new rookie class, which ones would and which ones wouldn't make it. There was a six month term, from the day the rookie classes trooped by, all fresh faced and eager, until the six months clocked off. It helped to supplement my income. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 wow! you guys sure know your stuff!!! i love it! i'm starting to actually doubt whether i should go at all if he phones me up...i mean i would like to see him again...gosh the charm on this man...it's enough to set a room ablaze...it's that quiet sincere charm...GAHH! a part of me (ego really if we're being frank)really wants to go, and look REALLY good, and somehow i guess salvage some dignity cause i fear he thinks i totally throw myself infront of him like a giant log... another part of me thinks it might be self-deprecating cause he has made his stand really clear and another part of me wants to win him over and the last part of me fears it will be an exercise in futility, and make me just feel bad about myself sigh! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 These guys can show you a good time. They can be a lot of fun, playful, funny, the whole bit. They're a charming, charismatic, well dressed, can be courteous, usually very good-looking bunch of guys. If you take it that way, you can't lose. Don't expect a relationship or monogamy of any kind. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 These guys can show you a good time. They can be a lot of fun, playful, funny, the whole bit. They're a charming, charismatic, well dressed, can be courteous, usually very good-looking bunch of guys. If you take it that way, you can't lose. Don't expect a relationship or monogamy of any kind. Yes, exactly! They're big, big fun for an evening out. Have fun going out with him and his friends for drinks, with no expectations of anything more than a good time out. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 wow! you guys sure know your stuff!!! i love it! i'm starting to actually doubt whether i should go at all if he phones me up...i mean i would like to see him again...gosh the charm on this man...it's enough to set a room ablaze...it's that quiet sincere charm...GAHH! a part of me (ego really if we're being frank)really wants to go, and look REALLY good, and somehow i guess salvage some dignity cause i fear he thinks i totally throw myself infront of him like a giant log... another part of me thinks it might be self-deprecating cause he has made his stand really clear and another part of me wants to win him over and the last part of me fears it will be an exercise in futility, and make me just feel bad about myself sigh! The only way to 'win him over' would be to sleep with him and temporarily get his attention. You're better than that. He already give you the 'sleazy man's disclaimer' of not wanting a relationship, so as some one else said, anything you do with him from here on out is on YOU, and he won't even feel guilty. He wont be leading you on anymore, he told you where he stands. Next time he asks to get drinks, tell him how about you go to the movie. Chances are, he's going to suddenly be 'busy', and may or may not go for the drinks again at a later date. I wouldnt ever call this guy again or answer his calls. He can leave a message or send you a text, and you can decide what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldencloud Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 sigh...see my issue now is how to get a guy interested in me but not just in a sexual way!! honestly honestly, i really dont think at all im doing anything for them to see me in that way, but it tends to happen, but then again the same type of guys seem to fall for me...and then rush away once they realise its not gonna head in that way im a flirt by nature, but not in an overt sort of way...more in a natural way, im a very boisterous person, and am good with banter...like ive never been the type to be intimidated or struck down with silence for the most part...initially they seem so charmed, but after a while...sigh sigh sigh..such is the story of my life i just dont know what to be, and what not to be? i think im being myself, but then again maybe being myself is too much..or maybe im not myself and loose myself in the endless kidding around and the guy ends up not taking me too seriously...sigh sigh sigh! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 the same type of guys seem to fall for me. You probably are being yourself, but you're choosing to be flirtatious with the same type of guys? Expand your horizons. Flirt with ALL the guys you meet, and see if the ones who do want a relationship step forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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