Cherbear Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Alan and I haven't been dating very long. Probably shorter than most cases here. We've been good friends for a really long time. We are always there for each other, as friends. I moved from New Orleans to NYC at the end of July. Alan and I decided to make a week-long roadtrip out of this. So he flew down from Brooklyn, where he lives and we drove together to NY. We stopped by various places and had a blast together. We both thought it was the best trip of our life. As a matter of fact, our friendship transformed into romantic feelings during this trip. Neither of us planned for it b/c we've been friends for a long time and I never thought Alan and I would get together.(although he admitted he always had a thing for me.) But it happened. The attraction was so overwhelming that by the time we got to Brooklyn, we decided that we should date. Things are going well except that occasionally Alan would lose his temper with me. I just thought it's b/c of stress from work. The magazine he's working at is having some major re-organization. Several of his friends/coworkers have been fired during the past 3 weeks. And the magazine is talking about moving to a smaller office. Anyway, I thought it was b/c of work but apparently not. This afternoon I talked to Alan on AIM b/c I wanted him to send a fax for me. All of a sudden, he started talking about how annoyed he was when he had to repeat himself to me or when i dont understand him. Then he would yell at me for a bit and then he would feel upset that he lost his temper with me. And he hates that he would get annoyed with me but he cant control it and he wont get better. Then I said are you saying that we shouldnt be together. He said, yes if you are unhappy. I said I am happy but if you are not maybe we shouldnt be together and I just wish I made you happier when we were together. Then I signed off and cried my heart out. I just got an email from him. Hi Cheri, I hope you're okay. I don't want you to be sad. Wish you hadn't left. Love you, Alan I dont know what to think right now. I dont know what he meant by "wish you hadnt left". I dont know if he meant he wishes i hadnt signed off AIM so we could talk some more or he wishes i hadnt left our relationship behind. And he never used "love you" before his name. It's usually "XOXO" or "love". So it could be that he loves me as a friend and i'm sure he does. I was there for him through his several breakups with his previous gfs. I just dont know what to do. I still love him but i dont wanna be with someone who's so unsure about me and especially that if i couldnt make him happy. Please let me know what you think. I'm fairly new to relationships. I only had one bf before and Alan dated like 9 girls. What should i do? Should I reply to his email? Thank you very much!
Blondi26 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 He was probably just pissed off and didn't really want to break up. It was just in the heat of the moment thing. He is trying to reach out to you to fix things, but it trying to not look desperate.
Author Cherbear Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 He said he felt like my father when he lost his temper and scolded me and he is not ready to have children yet. He said stuff like that several times this afternoon while I tried giving him chances to take these back by asking him if he thinks we should be together or not.
Blondi26 Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I still think it is some sort of pissy fit. My ex used to pull them all the time. Said all kinds of crap even.. "I don't love you anymore." Later on he would admit to just being angry or stressed. I know what its like to just cry and cry after signing off. He should be more respectful of your feelings. This guy seems to get angry easily though and over things that are not such a big deal. And then he tries to turn the tables on you and make it seem like its your fault. Seems controlling. Since you haven't invested much in the relationship, why not just walk away now? I stayed 4 years and it sucked big time. If you do want him, nip this crap in the bud now. His pissy little fits are not to be tolerated. He is not a premenstrual woman or a toddler hence there is no reason for this pissy nonsense. He probably knows he can do it and likes the attention. Do not show him that you need him in your life. Make it seem like he likes/needs you more than you like/need him. Don't jump to answer him. I hate conversations on aim. My ex always would get pissy on aim...more so than over the phone. He was a coward. He probably wouldn't be as ridiculous in person. I don't know how old he is, but maybe it is just a maturity issue? Sometimes they just freak themselves out when they think of marriage or kids and pick a fight.
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