Boyfriend in Jail

[dangergirl299]

I am a 30 year old professional woman. Had a dry spell about 1 year long, then met a cute 25 year old waiter and took him home, 3 months ago. Thought it was going to be just a fling: but he ended up staying and basically moving in with me.

As it turns out, he was in town from Texas on an old bench warrant; awaiting sentence. For a really old drug possession charge (from before he moved to Texas from the Bay Area, years ago).

While living with me, this fling became a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, we exchanged the I love yous, etc.

Within a week of moving in, he had a job, bought a jalopy of a car, and started paying me rent. He cooks gourmet meals, drops everything to clean when I ask him to, and is pretty sweet. He's also very good at keeping me on track (e.g., when I tell him I'm going to try to edit my book to send it to publishers, he makes sure I work on it every night - very supportive).

Although he can be a bastard to others; some friends like him; others really don't.

Finally, he got his sentence: 60 more days in jail. I just dropped him off yesterday. He doesn't want anyone to know, so the official story is he went back to Texas for a month or so to "take care of some business."

So I got back yesterday from jail, logged online, and there was his e-mail website opn, just waiting for me to check it out. See what he's been up to. So, why not? I didn't get much sleep- I'm not thinking clearly.

Turns out, about a week ago he placed a personals ad on some sex website, that's he's in a relationship but looking for "discreet" encounters.

WTF?

He left a similar site open on my laptop shortly after we began dating, which I chalked up to the fact that we weren't in a committed relationship yet. But now, we are: so how am I to take it?

Should I just end it now while he's out of the house or give him another try?

I don't want to end up like a Jerry Springer statistic. (i.e., "my jailbird boyfriend is seeking sexual encounters with other women online...")

Any thoughts?

[Tony T]

Before you do anything, you need to talk to him about this. Very often, guys in relationships do this simply for entertainment. That certainly doesn't make it right...but a lot of people do stuff on computers just for the pure hell of it and absolutely nothing more. Seldom does anything come of those types of Internet ads. You describe how great he was to you and how wonderfully responsive he was to your needs. I think he deserves credit for that.

 

Any decision you make relative to his activity on the computer should be based on his explanation. I'm quite sure he knows that you would immediately become aware if he were to cheat on you. He sounds like a pretty good catch in most respects. See what he has to say...judge if he's telling the truth...and then go from there.

 

I think you also ought to be very satisfied that he is no longer on drugs even though he's serving time for an old offense....and find out why he is such a bastard to some people. If he has that potential, I suppose one day he could be a bastard to you.

 

Good luck!