audrey_1 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I decided to go NC with my now 15 month casual LDR, former FWB, turned pseudo-friendship that I always post about. I deleted his number from my phone, all texts to and from, and I'm considering whether or not to delete him from my Facebook. I've realized that I invested more than he did, and that I was charmed by his saying he had a crush on me when we were kids, yada yada, but now realize that I am just one of many. He is not the type to commit; he doesn't want a relationship, and if he did, it would not be with me. He is way too curious about all the women in his past, including his ex-girlfriends, and I was just a notch. I was always the one to text, call, make plans, involve him in my life. He hasn't initiated any contact with me, really, since the beginning back in June '07. He only did just enough to keep me baited without any real investment on his part, just enough to keep me guessing and interested. I wish I hadn't been so willing to fall for it. I really did have genuine feelings for him, but it's probably a question of compatibility. I don't think it would work if I wanted it to. But it has taught me a lot of what I won't settle for in the next dating experience that truly catches my attention. And he got me when he thought he couldn't, so that's been an ego boost of sorts, and he's off to his next conquest. She's on his Facebook page; she's really pretty. Looks like a younger version of me, but that's another thread. I appreciate all the advice I received when I posted about it, and it's made a difference. It's going to be hard to stay no contact, but I'm going to give it my best effort. I have many other things to keep me busy, so I hope to be okay. Today is the first day. I have to stay strong. I think it's for the best.
BCCA Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 He's not worth your time. It's funny how people can give so little when you give so much, but I guess selfishness is common. 'Grass is greener' people float through life affraid to commit, thinking they're going to 'settle' for you and miss out on something even better down the road. Most people I know that act that way are in for a rude awakening sooner or later, and by that time, the bridges to the past are well burned. Take solace in the fact that you're a good person and some one will be lucky to have you on day. This ex will be sorry one day.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Thank you. Interaction with him began six months after breaking my engagement, and he was very different from my ex-fiancee, in ways that I thought I wanted. Neither of them were right for me, and both were full of valuable lessons. I realized that I'm not really a "grass is greener" type, but that the true right person hasn't crossed my path yet. Hopefully I'm getting closer, but if not, and I end up single, I will be strong in that. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, though I struggle with the lack of intimacy.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Why is it that when you're determined to do NC, and you *know* it's the right thing for your mental health, it becomes harder than ever!!!
BCCA Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Why is it that when you're determined to do NC, and you *know* it's the right thing for your mental health, it becomes harder than ever!!! Because your mind knows its right, but your heart hates to admit it. Thats why the 'denial' stage of a breakup is the hardest one to get through. It's hard to accept that some one you cared for so much could turn around and treat you like crap. Relationships are almost like a drug, extremely addicting. And once youre hooked on having some one, its hard to break the cycle. But you have to realize how much better off you'll be if you go NC on your ex and focus on moving on. Again, this guy isnt worth another second of your time. He doesnt appreciate how wonderful you are, and by the time he realizes what an idiot he's been, it's gonna be too late. You WILL find some one else who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and falling in love is one of the greatest things life has to offer. You'll be fine - head up, stay strong!
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Because your mind knows its right, but your heart hates to admit it. Thats why the 'denial' stage of a breakup is the hardest one to get through. It's hard to accept that some one you cared for so much could turn around and treat you like crap. Relationships are almost like a drug, extremely addicting. And once youre hooked on having some one, its hard to break the cycle. But you have to realize how much better off you'll be if you go NC on your ex and focus on moving on. Again, this guy isnt worth another second of your time. He doesnt appreciate how wonderful you are, and by the time he realizes what an idiot he's been, it's gonna be too late. You WILL find some one else who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and falling in love is one of the greatest things life has to offer. You'll be fine - head up, stay strong! I already broke it. I found out a father of a friend was killed and texted him. He responded that he'd heard. Then to add insult to injury, I asked about the football team he likes who played yesterday. Again, two word answer. Half-hearted. I just texted him that I was becoming invested, that I knew he didn't want a relationship, that I care about me, and that I don't want to "hang out" with him anymore. I don't expect to hear back, and I can't care whether I do. In most of my relationships, I have had the upper hand. This is the first time I've been truly helpless and invested simultaneously. It's been a humbling, growing experience. I must stay strong. He does not think of me in any way other than a friend. I know this. It's so hard. Update: Just got his response. Okay. Please keep me updated on your life and I'll do the same. I responded that I'd contacted him quite enough. If he wants to know about my life, he'll have to ask or check my facebook.
BCCA Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 You have to go NC now and stick with it. This is really getting to you, and he is obviously only going to make you feel worse with each contact. Dont torture yourself like that, its just not worth it for anyone. Like CaliGuy says, there is no lonelier place on earth than sitting next to someone you love who doesn't feel the same way. This just isn't the right guy, and the longer you waste your energy on him, the longer it's going to take to find the right person. I know it sounds generic as hell and hard to imagine at this point. I'm sure its of little consilation to you at this moment in time, an I'm sure you've heard it all before. But it IS true, and you WILL get through this. Dont pull the knife out of your heart slowly, just yank it out and be done with it. You dont deserve to suffer anymore. Dont do that to yourself. We're all here if you need to chat. You dont need him for anything ever again. His loss, he'll realize what he gave up one day. Some one better is out there for you...
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Thank you so much. It has been such a long evening. His latest round of texts were that he understood about my being invested but that he wanted to keep a "dialogue of friendship" open. I told him I'd think about it, but I didn't think so. (I'm not like his exes, who line up to be his pal) Yes, it is true that caring deeply for someone you know doesn't reciprocate, and being in their presence, is a real energy zapper. That is why I don't want to be his friend. If he doesn't understand that, then too bad. And if I'm still his friend, he essentially "wins" and still gets to have his cake and eat it too. No thanks.
BCCA Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Thank you so much. It has been such a long evening. His latest round of texts were that he understood about my being invested but that he wanted to keep a "dialogue of friendship" open. I told him I'd think about it, but I didn't think so. (I'm not like his exes, who line up to be his pal) Yes, it is true that caring deeply for someone you know doesn't reciprocate, and being in their presence, is a real energy zapper. That is why I don't want to be his friend. If he doesn't understand that, then too bad. And if I'm still his friend, he essentially "wins" and still gets to have his cake and eat it too. No thanks. I always believe that there is no benefit to being friends unless so much time has passed that whatever feelings you had are long gone. Why do I want to regularly chat with some one that made me feel like crap? No thanks. Its like throwing yourself down the stairs every morning before you go to work. Dont let him have his cake and eat it, too. Not at the expense of your emotions. You're better off without him. Dont respond to his text/calls anymore and he'll get the clue.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 good luck with that! With what?
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 I always believe that there is no benefit to being friends unless so much time has passed that whatever feelings you had are long gone. Why do I want to regularly chat with some one that made me feel like crap? No thanks. Its like throwing yourself down the stairs every morning before you go to work. Dont let him have his cake and eat it, too. Not at the expense of your emotions. You're better off without him. Dont respond to his text/calls anymore and he'll get the clue. I agree. Perhaps because he doesn't seem to feel things deeply, this doesn't seem to trouble him, or he doesn't see why you can't "just be friends." I have no intention of being there for him anymore; I've done enough already. I authored a contract he has outstanding right now that could potentially make him a very rich man. He said he'd keep me updated on its progress. I said if he chooses and wished him good luck. The End.
Green Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 With what? staying strong with your renewed nc of course darling... r u really hot or something ... why do u think of urself as a conquest?
Author audrey_1 Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 staying strong with your renewed nc of course darling... r u really hot or something ... why do u think of urself as a conquest? Lovely sentiment KMT. I don't think this of myself. It is the guy who has been stringing me along for a year who charmed me with he'd had a crush on me, yada yada; I was his earliest recollection of what a beautiful girl looked like, bull$hit. So I believe he considered me a conquest. And now I've been conquered and feel miserable because I let it happen and for what? Thanks a lot. You just pissed me off. You should take a reading comprehension class.
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