got an email from exsMM's W

[OWoman]

LOL yeah (stooges rule)

 

<tiptoes out and turns out the light, to give LF and SD some privacy>

[Owl]

I was thinking about this thread again earlier today.

 

The last part of this thread got onto the concept that LF didn't "owe" the wife anything. There was no reason for her to boot MM from her contact list or whatever...again...there was nothing "owed" to the wife in this case.

 

That made me wonder about something...if we go with that concept, why was LF upset with the wife's email to her in the first place?

 

It seemed like she didn't like the tone that the email had. The wife basically went offf on her for searching for the wife and MM on the internet.

 

I'm curious tho...why would the wife's tone upset LF?

 

The wife didn't owe LF anything either, right? She didn't owe her any kind of courtesy, respect, or politeness of any kind. No more than LF owed her, right?

 

So why be angry about ANY of this?

 

If no one "owes" anyone anything, to include basic respect or polite behavior, there's nothing to be upset about, right?

[jj33]

I would have to agree with you Owl. You get involved with someone else's spouse you have to accept that they may not be a font of gratitude when they communicate with you. This is all nonsense really. Lets be honest As arent built on courtesy its not courteous to sleep with someone's spouse behind their back. The least you can do is minimize collateral damage.

[bentnotbroken]

I was thinking about this thread again earlier today.

 

The last part of this thread got onto the concept that LF didn't "owe" the wife anything. There was no reason for her to boot MM from her contact list or whatever...again...there was nothing "owed" to the wife in this case.

 

That made me wonder about something...if we go with that concept, why was LF upset with the wife's email to her in the first place?

 

It seemed like she didn't like the tone that the email had. The wife basically went offf on her for searching for the wife and MM on the internet.

 

I'm curious tho...why would the wife's tone upset LF?

 

The wife didn't owe LF anything either, right? She didn't owe her any kind of courtesy, respect, or politeness of any kind. No more than LF owed her, right?

 

So why be angry about ANY of this?

 

If no one "owes" anyone anything, to include basic respect or polite behavior, there's nothing to be upset about, right?

 

 

Right again, oh wise one.

[Lookingforward]

I would have to agree with you Owl. You get involved with someone else's spouse you have to accept that they may not be a font of gratitude when they communicate with you. This is all nonsense really. Lets be honest As arent built on courtesy its not courteous to sleep with someone's spouse behind their back. The least you can do is minimize collateral damage.

 

fwiw - I wasn't sleeping with him behind her back - they had separated and he'd left the marital home. She knew I was with him, and as far as I knew the M was "over and done".

 

So no, I didn't owe her anything.

[Lookingforward]

and Owl I never said I was "angry" with her for sending the msge, just found it odd.

 

It seems you have confused my reaction with what others have posted from THEIR pov on this thread.

 

I merely asked here did others think I should respond or not?

[noforgiveness]

and Owl I never said I was "angry" with her for sending the msge, just found it odd.

 

It seems you have confused my reaction with what others have posted from THEIR pov on this thread.

 

I merely asked here did others think I should respond or not?

 

Why wuld you find it odd for someone to want to know why you are searching them and their husband. I'm sure they found it very odd you are still "out there" in their life after all this time and they want to know why. Your behavior is what's odd.

[Lookingforward]

Why wuld you find it odd for someone to want to know why you are searching them and their husband. I'm sure they found it very odd you are still "out there" in their life after all this time and they want to know why. Your behavior is what's odd.

 

It's odd I'm "still out here" ?

 

Guess what honey when they got back together I didn't die LMAO so yeah I'm still around.

 

As I've said before it's a free country and I can search on anyone I damn well please. Guess you've never searched anyone huh?

[Owl]

As for playing games, why the hell not - I'm entitled to a little amusement at her expense, considering.

 

This doesn't strike you as angry in some fashion?

 

This was just the first example I came across going back through the thread.

[noforgiveness]

This doesn't strike you as angry in some fashion?

 

This was just the first example I came across going back through the thread.

 

 

Yes and I think the response to me was very angry and bitter also.

[Lookingforward]

This doesn't strike you as angry in some fashion?

 

This was just the first example I came across going back through the thread.

 

No it was anger at some of the assumptions on here more than the original premise of the thread.

 

But hey any OW is a good target right ? Even if it wasn't an "affair"

 

I'm done

[Owl]

You're right...all I do is sit and target OW for blasting. Its obvious...just ask all of those I've shredded on this forum...Wildsoul, Heartbroken, JJ, on and on and on...

 

You can clearly see how all I do is come here to bash and make them pay for being the OW.

 

LF, I asked the question because your posts just seethe your anger at his wife, and BS's in general. And I wanted to understand how the "not owing anyone anything" didn't work two ways.

[jj33]

LF I wasnt directing that at you there was a sub topic that got into your thread.

[Tomcat33]

Oh, wait. She does outline the cause, but it's not him. It's because her dad was a cheater, and his behavior has damaged her psyche to the extent that she now mistrusts her own man without cause.

 

EVERYONE should care about having ANY part in damaging an innocent child's psyche.

 

 

Yeah well most people are exposed to things that can potentially harm their psyche growing up, no two sets of parent are perfect parents or do every single thing correctly to avoid any potential deep seated harm in their child. But guess what? Part of becoming and adult is accepting that no one is perfect not even those people that did us harm and learning to cope and accept and DEAL with thes undealt emotions in such a way that we can have happy fulfilling lives, ones in which we are fully in control of WHO we are not what was done to us in the past.

 

 

It's easy to stay victim your entire life but then you can be pegged as someone who refuses to be an adult.

 

If people can overcome something as horrific as rape and death of a loved one at a young age or witnessing a horrible masacre as a child, then we can overcome anything we set our minds to really...

[Tomcat33]

I'm sure that would be a great defense at trial. I'll be sure to let my lawyers know about that angle.

 

 

Life is not a trial Luvmy, life is a series of intertwined situations and moments that can either bring you down and consume you or you can take hold of and make the best of in order to live them in a satisfying way. Misfortunate things happen to good undeserving people ALL the time and there ain't no trial on earth that can fix that. TELL THAT to your lawyers k? That is such typical American mentalilty, "McDonald's coffee burned my hand SUE THEM" you can't sue or expect others to make right every misfortunate thing that happens to you.

 

Some people choose to dwell in feeling sorry for themselves others don't.

And as per your "I'll tell my lawyers that" you can tell your lawyers a lot of things and a lawyer can fight to get you back in money what was taken away from you in emotional wellbeing but guess what there ain't no money in the world that can cure a victim mentality it is all up to the individual, if they are set on staying victim no amount of money, psychiatric and other types of treatment will do.

 

You clearly missed my point if you have to bring "lawyers" into the equation.

[Tomcat33]

My point was, why does LF feel this need to continue wallowing in the BS that this situation has caused her by doing searches on the net of MM? In doing so, she also COULD theoretically be aiding in causing distress for the kids who are blameless in this whole fiasco. She seems to claim that she just doesn't care. Nice.

 

 

How is her searching on the net for her ex causing harm to children!?!?

[Terminator]

Following that reasoning, LF shouldn't even DARE to post about her situation here.

 

It may cause harm to someone if her posts were found by one of the other parties.

 

::heads to the closest bar for a drink after reading this thread::

[LostGirl811]

finding people online isn't all that hard. In my despair I tend to get somewhat stalkerish when i look back on my behaviour...its a good thing it doesnt leave my computer screen!

 

seriously i have found things on MM and his W so easily its not even funny. Found an article and pic of her when she was still working when her company did a charity thing.

 

found a blog he put up when their daughter was first born with pics of her, him, the W, even his family from overseas.

 

The latest and scariest thing ive found, which i didnt think was even possible , but i guess it is because its not a "real time" image but rather a photo image, is the satellites imagery now available. Go look...google and msn live both have it. I put his address into the msn live one, and there i am, sitting at my computer in Manhattan, with a view only 6 yards away by satellite of his house that they bought a couple years ago on Long Island that I've never seen in person. Probably shoudlnt have, as all I did was sit and stare at the image of their street and home, having images of the happy family parading around whilst the sad OW (that being me) sits at home wishing MM was here with her instead.

 

Oh the patheticness this A has instilled in me is unreal. If I wasn't me, and I knew what me was doing, I would think me was a crazy stalker b*tch. Good thing Im not.....but this internet nonsense makes it way too easy to torture myself by sitting and staring at reminders of MM and his family and their happy little life together! I suppose its odd to be jealous of a woman whose husband has been cheating on her for four years , but here I am!

 

FYI, there arent too many sites that tell you who is looking at your profile unless the person is a member and you have asked someone to be your "friend" . Like facebook, for instance. I can't see his profile on there, and he can't see mine, cause we aren't on each other's friends list. I can see the link to his name, but that's it. That's why they have privacy options! I guess some people don't know how to use them....? Not directed at anyone here, I mean in general.

[whichwayisup]

This thread needs to just simmer off and be forgotten about...No offense to LF ofcourse..

[Lookingforward]

You brought up rape being able to be overcome by the victims, so I thought, since it's just up to a person to simply "get over" what others do to them, I'd offer that up to my lawyers so they could use that in court when defending a criminal client. I didn't miss your point, but you certainly missed mine when you first answered my post.

 

My point was, why does LF feel this need to continue wallowing in the BS that this situation has caused her by doing searches on the net of MM? In doing so, she also COULD theoretically be aiding in causing distress for the kids who are blameless in this whole fiasco. She seems to claim that she just doesn't care. Nice.

 

How is doing a search back in MAY "wallowing"????

 

In theory any action by one person can cause any REaction in another party - not MY problem

[noforgiveness]

How is doing a search back in MAY "wallowing"????

 

In theory any action by one person can cause any REaction in another party - not MY problem

 

It is YOUR problem if it was YOUR action.

[Lookingforward]

It is YOUR problem if it was YOUR action.

 

No, HER reaction is HER problem which is why I decided not to respond to her.

[Owl]

I get LF's point...she did the search back in May. When the break up between her and MM was much newer, and more 'raw'.

 

The wife only got wind of it (or only responded to it) a few weeks ago.

 

She's not STILL searching out the wife or MM at this point.

 

That's why for her, this is all in the past.

 

For the wife, its not if she just recently found out about it.

 

That's probably one reason why there was such a different level of angst about the whole thing between the two of them. LF (probably) felt/feels like its no big deal...it happened months ago, and I'm not looking NOW. The wife just recently learned about it, and for her, it FEELS like it just happened.

 

Make sense? Am I off on any of this, LF?

[jj33]

to each his own but I think this has become a theoretical discussion and LF's question is no longer what is being debated but she is feeling like the comments are being directed at her -perhaps the morals and manners questions should be a new thread so that LF can be taken out of the middle...

[NoIDidn't]

I get LF's point...she did the search back in May. When the break up between her and MM was much newer, and more 'raw'.

 

The wife only got wind of it (or only responded to it) a few weeks ago.

 

She's not STILL searching out the wife or MM at this point.

 

That's why for her, this is all in the past.

 

For the wife, its not if she just recently found out about it.

 

That's probably one reason why there was such a different level of angst about the whole thing between the two of them. LF (probably) felt/feels like its no big deal...it happened months ago, and I'm not looking NOW. The wife just recently learned about it, and for her, it FEELS like it just happened.

 

Make sense? Am I off on any of this, LF?

 

That was my take on it, too. But it doesn't change things much. The woman's right to privacy has been violated (not meant to be so strong but couldn't find a better word). She's probably seen the date on it as well and still decided to respond the way that she did.

 

LF's attitude about it is her own to deal with. LF has put in her own defense mechanisms to deal with what she did (rationalizations, posturing, etc.). Hopefully the BW only responded once and not again since then and its over. Hopefully.

 

Because the only issue that LF was really asking about was whether or not she should respond. My vote is no. She's already done enough and that will only open up a war between her and BW. And its just not worth it to her, the BW, her H, or the M that they are mending.