bentnotbroken Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 there WAS no "friendship request" - I'm guessing that this site it was on assumes that if you're searching you're okay with being added by the searchee. I never said I wanted "them to leave me alone" or even that it was bothering me - simply asked for input on whether I should respond to her msge. As for playing games, why the hell not - I'm entitled to a little amusement at her expense, considering. Really??:confused:What about the expense of others in the family(kids)?
OWoman Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 But that aside, I just want to ask why we're assuming the wife didn't give her husband crap, too, over his "friending" of LF? I didn't assume that she didn't - that was one possibility I offered. The other was that she did, but he felt feathers about that and ignored it. Outcome, whichever way it happened / didn't happen, is that he's still friended LF. If she'd blasted him and he'd heeded it, he'd have unfriended her PDQ. He didn't.
OpenBook Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I really don't see the point since this thread of either answering her or deleting him - this way she has no idea whether I even read the msge. I agree, LF. Just leave it alone. And whatever emotions you are feeling right now, I think you are completely entitled to feel them! You are a human being. You have already removed yourself from a nasty situation of someone else's drama. I do not understand why some posters now wish to rake you over the coals and dictate to you what you SHOULD be feeling... and especially how they insist that you should shoulder the psychic burden of someone else's problems!! Absolutely ridiculous... and hypocritical, considering that they would never dream of doing that themselves.
Owl Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 That's ok, OB. I doubt many of those same posters understand your point of view either. I surely don't.
OWoman Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Double wow!! This goes beyond the realm of teenage foolishness and game-playing into the realm of wishing harm and discomfort upon another. I, too, wonder what it was she did to you Lookingforward. I am sorry you find yourself in this place. Harm and discomfort?? By ignoring an email? By choosing not to get embroiled in their marital dynamics? By refusing to seize the agency that rightly belongs within the marital diad?
Author Lookingforward Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Really??:confused:What about the expense of others in the family(kids)? ummm...how is my answering or not answering her msge at the expense of the kids? Sorry, but I don't get your reasoning here at ALL
bentnotbroken Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 ummm...how is my answering or not answering her msge at the expense of the kids? Sorry, but I don't get your reasoning here at ALL I know you don't:(, you said that you were entitled to amusement at their expense, and I wanted to know did that include the others in the family too? Since usually what affects the parents, affects the children.
silktricks Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 anyway ... thanks for the replies...I don't think there's a way she can tell if I read the msge or not...so will just not reply and let her make of that what she will. Just wanted to add that there are ways to send emails and know whether or not they've been read - even including how many times they've been read and on what computers. So it is conceivable that she knows you've read the email.
OWoman Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I know you don't:(, you said that you were entitled to amusement at their expense, and I wanted to know did that include the others in the family too? Since usually what affects the parents, affects the children. Why is this LF's problem ahead of xsMM's, who was so concerned about the welfare of his kids when he decided to friend LF, knowing it would freak his W?
Author Lookingforward Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Just wanted to add that there are ways to send emails and know whether or not they've been read - even including how many times they've been read and on what computers. So it is conceivable that she knows you've read the email. It wasn't a normal email, so I don't know whether she knows or not and at this point I frankly no longer care.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I know you don't:(, you said that you were entitled to amusement at their expense, and I wanted to know did that include the others in the family too? Since usually what affects the parents, affects the children. I said amusement at HER expense.........I am done having to apparently defend myself when I did nothing wrong, and fwiw - would you rather I tell her that "hey you're worrying over nothing...I wouldn't have him back if he crawled naked over broken glass to beg my forgiveness.....start to worry instead about the next woman he sucks in with his story of woe blah blah"
bentnotbroken Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I said amusement at HER expense.........I am done having to apparently defend myself when I did nothing wrong, and fwiw - would you rather I tell her that "hey you're worrying over nothing...I wouldn't have him back if he crawled naked over broken glass to beg my forgiveness.....start to worry instead about the next woman he sucks in with his story of woe blah blah" You are right you did say at her expense, I apologize. But my question is still the same, if it affects her it affects the kids.
bentnotbroken Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Why is this LF's problem ahead of xsMM's, who was so concerned about the welfare of his kids when he decided to friend LF, knowing it would freak his W? Why are you concerned with your MM kids? Is it your problem to straighten out what he and stbx did those kids. NO? I would assume you are doing it because you are trying to be mature and put their feelings first. Surely because one adult doesn't do the right thing, doesn't mean that LF can't do it. Is your character and maturity dependent on what another says or does? Don't you make those choices for yourself? You know, just to be the bigger person. That's all I meant. That there are kids involved and someone needs to step up and be the adult, whether it benefits them and their needs or not.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 They're not my concern - they should have been hers when she was busy cheating, but anyway it's all moot now. I'm sure he didn't mean to add me to contacts in the first place.
Darth Vader Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 OK...got it. Its not that its over and you don't want him back. Your angry she ended up with him. You want him back. This is how you hurt her, and give it a chance to happen. Got it. Its not a power struggle game...its straight up jealousy and anger. Much easier to understand from that perspective. Lookingforward, you know very well that's not cool by any means! It does look like you're "waiting in the wings" for this guy to contact you to start the ride fest all over again! Even if it's not that, it sure does look like you're tormenting her, and getting satisfaction from tormenting and/or hurting her! That's abuse! How? You may ask, with your info still on that board or whatever, you're telling her, that you're out to pounce (no pun intended) on her husband when she least expects it! Deleting that info shows that you've moved on, that simple!
Darth Vader Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 ROFL - (don't we all) but I'm hushing now before I get in trouble Do you two wanna be alone?
stampdaddy Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Do you two wanna be alone? I'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GPFan Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 ...I am done having to apparently defend myselfI agree, defending yourself is a waste of time. No need to do that. I don't know what types of responses you were looking for but if this thread went off track for you, it might be a good idea to take a step back and work out the whys. Perhaps another reason to post on these forums is the opportunity to uncover and heal inner wounds.
OWoman Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Why are you concerned with your MM kids? Is it your problem to straighten out what he and stbx did those kids. NO? I would assume you are doing it because you are trying to be mature and put their feelings first. Surely because one adult doesn't do the right thing, doesn't mean that LF can't do it. Is your character and maturity dependent on what another says or does? Don't you make those choices for yourself? You know, just to be the bigger person. That's all I meant. That there are kids involved and someone needs to step up and be the adult, whether it benefits them and their needs or not. I live with MM's kids. We're a family. We sit around a table and share meals together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives. It's very different to an abstract notion of some kid out there who may or may not pick up on a vibe that his / her mother may or may not put out because LF didn't respond to an email the mother sent in lieu of addressing her husband's behaviour with her husband. It has nothing to do with being a bigger, smaller or more middle-sized person. (It would take me a lifetime of dedicated eating and drinking to grow bigger than the BW, in any event )
Author Lookingforward Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 I'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only proper response to that would be ?
Author Lookingforward Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 I agree, defending yourself is a waste of time. No need to do that. I don't know what types of responses you were looking for but if this thread went off track for you, it might be a good idea to take a step back and work out the whys. Perhaps another reason to post on these forums is the opportunity to uncover and heal inner wounds. I wasn't the one that took it off track... I was simply asking whether I should respond or not and through the course of the posts I formulated my own answer for that one. I think I've made it very clear that I'm not "waiting in the wings" anymore and that I'm not the one she needs to be concerned with.
Tomcat33 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I don't know what types of responses you were looking for but if this thread went off track for you, it might be a good idea to take a step back and work out the whys. This thread went off track because as usual people discuss crap that is neither here nor there, and it has nothing to do with the original post. It might be a good idea to look at the patterns on almost all the threads on LS and see them for what they are once they derail. I think the original post was answered and LF you decided what you wanted to do, good for you. Even if it's not that, it sure does look like you're tormenting her, and getting satisfaction from tormenting and/or hurting her! That's abuse! ROFL sorry now THAT was funny! LOLOLOL
Tomcat33 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!! "That's what he said."
stampdaddy Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 The only proper response to that would be ? um, "me too?"
Author Lookingforward Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 um, "me too?" LOL yeah (stooges rule)
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