Author Lookingforward Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 anyway ... thanks for the replies...I don't think there's a way she can tell if I read the msge or not...so will just not reply and let her make of that what she will.
OWoman Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I wouldn't waste time feeding her paranoia, LF - she can pay a shrink if she wants the attention.
Owl Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 OK, LF I've tried to go back and find your story, but couldn't find anyplace where you've spelled it out. I've seen where you've talked about someone you met via online gaming. You've mentioned online romance and long distance relationships. But I didn't see anyplace that spelled out the circumstances of your relationship with him. Was this relationship with him prior to his marriage? You've stated that its not an affair, so I'm trying to understand this. If it was prior to his relationship with his wife, then clearly it wouldn't be an affair. Even if that's the case, after all your time on LS you've HAD to have seen how often "ex's" are a very, very common affair partner, yes? If she's aware of your prior relationship, and then can see where you've tried to contact him (as in, he's added you to his contact list as a result of an email from the site you searched him on)...surely you can understand why she'd not be comfortable with that. Again, ex's are probably the most common affair partner out there...if she's been burnt by this in the past, it wouldn't be surprising if she realized that. I'm sorry I don't recall the exact nature of your relationship with him...but I'm curious about is at it might explain some of the reactions here.
stillafool Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I would be embarassed that she found out I was searching about her. She probably thinks you are terribly jealous of her now and you're trying to find out as much as possible about her. That's what I would think if I were in her shoes.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Owl, yes this is the same person - I think most of my backstory vanished into the whirpool that sucked up a lot of posts back in April/May this year. I met him the same week he was separating (physically moving out) and eventually I moved to his city in another state to be with him (at his request) so it was online LDR at first, then in person. Yes, in hindsight, I was stupid to believe that his separation meant he was divorcing eventually and I won't make that mistake again. He decided to go back "for the kids" and I was left alone in a city where I knew no-one. There was LC as I was in his apt. then I moved back to my home state and he went NC since then. Of course she's 'aware' of me, she knew I had moved there to be with him, it wasn't a secret and it wasn't until I physically turned up that she started applying the pressure re the kids. Prior to that her only concern was his continued 'support'. As far as tracking him down to contact him, I hardly had to do that through some reunion site as I already had most of his contact details vis phone, email, work etc. It was just idle curiosity. If she thinks I searched because I'm jealous (laughable though that is) then that's her problem not mine. She's the one who has a H that is only there for his kids and she's the one that's terrified he may talk to me apparently. Not my concern anymore...this only came up again because I was wondering whether to answer her msge or not.
noforgiveness Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Why are you so angry at his wife? Why the attitude towards her? Many people separate for a time and get back together. HE chose his marriage. You don't know their conversations. You just know what he told you is the reason. Sounds like you need to move on. Kind of odd you are searching him after all this time. She has reason to be concerned and you should have some compassion towards that as a woman. No I would not email her back. Let it go. Let him go... Oh and why don't you also get rid of his daughters phone number.
Owl Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Thanks for the backstory, LF. That does help put it into perspective. If it was an affair or not is really kind of a grey area...and a moot point as well. That really doesn't matter in this situation. You've got a good point...it doesn't matter to you one way or another as to how SHE views this whole situation. Realistically, as long as you're remaining outside of the whole thing...that makes good sense. The harsh judgement that many people are making about her choice to confront the potential of resumed contact are what I really responded to more than anything else. Your response to her was good... She was RIGHT for confronting the issue rather than ignore it. You're right for opting to avoid getting drug back back into it all.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Why are you so angry at his wife? Why the attitude towards her? Many people separate for a time and get back together. HE chose his marriage. You don't know their conversations. You just know what he told you is the reason. Sounds like you need to move on. Kind of odd you are searching him after all this time. She has reason to be concerned and you should have some compassion towards that as a woman. No I would not email her back. Let it go. Let him go... Oh and why don't you also get rid of his daughters phone number. I'm not angry at all, but I do loathe cheaters so there you go, I have zero compassion for her....and I have moved on - her concern is only for herself, I've seen that enough times to know. Did I say I still had the numbers? please.... I had no need for them then OR now, he gave them to me "in case".
noforgiveness Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I'm not angry at all, but I do loathe cheaters so there you go, I have zero compassion for her....and I have moved on - her concern is only for herself, I've seen that enough times to know. Did I say I still had the numbers? please.... I had no need for them then OR now, he gave them to me "in case". hmm you loathe cheaters? Who was cheating? You said it was not an affair.
noforgiveness Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Ahhhh nevermind I see you said she was cheating on him. Interesting and he went back to her yep just for the kids even though she is the cheater.
Darth Vader Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Ummm...as I have stated very often before - it wasn't an "affair", we were planning a future together, so yes I did know a fair bit about him and his family, even met the kids, why is it so surprising? I never said it was! Perhaps on his end...... Anyway that will just start some useless arguement, well, not entirely a useless arguement.
NoIDidn't Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Affair or not, LF. Once you searched her, you brought her into it. She has every right to ask you not to contact her H. From my view, once the W of the man is searched for, it shows that the person doing it is curious about any Rs the man has or has had. Maybe she feels disrespected. She knows you two were once together, but you know that she and he are back together. What was the point of doing the search? And, no, the sites (if using like, Reunion or Classmates) don't show if a message is read or not. I agree with you on not contacting her. I just wonder why you seem so indignant about her response to your intrusion.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Affair or not, LF. Once you searched her, you brought her into it. She has every right to ask you not to contact her H. From my view, once the W of the man is searched for, it shows that the person doing it is curious about any Rs the man has or has had. Maybe she feels disrespected. She knows you two were once together, but you know that she and he are back together. What was the point of doing the search? And, no, the sites (if using like, Reunion or Classmates) don't show if a message is read or not. I agree with you on not contacting her. I just wonder why you seem so indignant about her response to your intrusion. Don't put words in my mouth - I never said I was indignant or anything else. There doesn't have to BE a point to an idle search does there? I don't regard a public search as an "intrusion", sheesh. Lord, get over the drama already, I just thought it was odd she even contacted me about it, much less expected a response.
LakesideDream Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 It's impossible for someone to know if you've googled them. I mean, imagine the millions of emails a famous person would have if they were alerted everytime someone googled them! Don't worry jj33! LF, you should delete him as a friend from your list. There's no point in having him on there. Also, don't contact her, it's not worth it. Actually you need to be very careful on Classmates anyway. When you look at someone's profile it will email them (if they are paying members) and tell them you checked their profile. To keep this from happening you must "uncheck" a box that isn't obvious on the page that says something like "tell xxx I've been here".
NoIDidn't Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Don't put words in my mouth - I never said I was indignant or anything else. There doesn't have to BE a point to an idle search does there? I don't regard a public search as an "intrusion", sheesh. Lord, get over the drama already, I just thought it was odd she even contacted me about it, much less expected a response. I didn't put words into your mouth. Your whole "put her in her place" for even contacting you after you snooped her was indignant. Own it.
LakesideDream Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I wouldn't bother to contact her, or him. If you don't want contact what's the point. He may have seached you out in a nostalgiac moment. We all have those, no crime there.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I didn't put words into your mouth. Your whole "put her in her place" for even contacting you after you snooped her was indignant. Own it. Ummm...yes you did - my words were "set her straight" about what she asked me - whatever interpretation you decide to put on that says more about you than me, as does your insistence that doing "searches" on what is public domain is snooping LOL. Lake I know that NOW, but didn't then - and no, I won't be responding.
GPFan Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I would be embarassed that she found out I was searching about her. She probably thinks you are terribly jealous of her now and you're trying to find out as much as possible about her. That's what I would think if I were in her shoes.Yes, it would be very embarrassing indeed.
Author Lookingforward Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Yes, it would be very embarrassing indeed. Then you're easily embarassed for stupid reasons
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I'm not angry at all, but I do loathe cheaters so there you go, I have zero compassion for her.... Your anger is mis-directed. You're pissed off that he took her back after she cheated. If there's anyone you should be pissed at, it's him. HE is the one married to her and giving her more chances - Obviously he loves her enough to keep taking her back, right? Anyway, good luck and try not to even think about them anymore. Your life is on a different path now, so don't look backwards.
Tomcat33 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I'm not angry at all, but I do loathe cheaters so there you go, I have zero compassion for her..... Some people just don't get that. It's almost like you are supposed to pay some sentence for the rest of your life because SHE was cheated on and then chose to keep the loser around. If I were you I would not even respond, she is clearly paranoid about her H and that's what you get for staying with a known proven cheater, that's something she will sadly NEVER shake, but it is her choice. It's her cross to bear not your problem to set that straight. The bottom line is it doesn't matter if you were googling him, Face Booking him, Mypacing, NO MATTER. The internet is a free place to roam, he could have a website or a blog there are no rules in terms of what you can and cannot view. If you don't want people snooping at your personal info DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET. Plain and simple. Vegas Baby, Vegas! Now where did I read this...?" You can gamble on love just don't come crying when the odds beat you." Or something to that effect..
Tomcat33 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Then you're easily embarassed for stupid reasons I know TOTALLY! It's the internet who gives a crap who is looking at who? I would be more embarassed to be contacting anyone and everyone that is looking at your H's profile like he was some 10 yr old child who was under some kind of house arrest child protection program. Now THAT'S embarassing.
noforgiveness Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Some people just don't get that. It's almost like you are supposed to pay some sentence for the rest of your life because SHE was cheated on and then chose to keep the loser around. If I were you I would not even respond, she is clearly paranoid about her H and that's what you get for staying with a known proven cheater, that's something she will sadly NEVER shake, but it is her choice. It's her cross to bear not your problem to set that straight. The bottom line is it doesn't matter if you were googling him, Face Booking him, Mypacing, NO MATTER. The internet is a free place to roam, he could have a website or a blog there are no rules in terms of what you can and cannot view. If you don't want people snooping at your personal info DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET. Plain and simple. Vegas Baby, Vegas! Now where did I read this...?" You can gamble on love just don't come crying when the odds beat you." Or something to that effect.. :laugh:LOL SHE, the wife was the cheater. He did not cheat on her. They were seprated when looking forward got with him. HE chose to go back to his marriage with a known cheater. Whether he cheated or not the wife seems to have handled it well and just asked why she was on his page. BIG DEAL. Drop it and leave their family alone. He chose his cheating wife. It was his choice to make.
noforgiveness Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I know TOTALLY! It's the internet who gives a crap who is looking at who? I would be more embarassed to be contacting anyone and everyone that is looking at your H's profile like he was some 10 yr old child who was under some kind of house arrest child protection program. Now THAT'S embarassing. Oh please there is nothing embarrassing about checking who your spouse is chatting with. What's embarrassing is getting caught pining away for a married man and getting caught doing it.
Tomcat33 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 :laugh:LOL SHE, the wife was the cheater. He did not cheat on her. They were seprated when looking forward got with him. HE chose to go back to his marriage with a known cheater. Whether he cheated or not the wife seems to have handled it well and just asked why she was on his page. BIG DEAL. Drop it and leave their family alone. He chose his cheating wife. It was his choice to make. Even BETTER! Now she is paranoid because she cheate. The bottom line is it's her sick mess, deal with it. If you can't trust the man you are with get out instead of making a fool of yourself by contacting every tom diiick and harry that visits your H's site.
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