frenchgirl Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Hey guys, I just got a text message from this guy, asking me out for dinner. I think I'm going to accept but wondered how long I should wait before I answer him?
audrey_1 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Hey guys, I just got a text message from this guy, asking me out for dinner. I think I'm going to accept but wondered how long I should wait before I answer him? If you're truly interested, then don't wait. As *busy* as we get, sending a text message takes a matter of seconds. If you want to go, then go ahead and accept. But if there's a next time, hopefully he will call and ask you to dinner.
backspn Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 How long have you known him for? If I wanted to ask someone out, I would not do it over a text. Sounds like he has issues of self esteem. Sounds like a red flag to me.
Final Girl Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I would answer him now!!! Games are for the playground!!!
Final Girl Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 How long have you known him for? If I wanted to ask someone out, I would not do it over a text. Sounds like he has issues of self esteem. Sounds like a red flag to me. Some people are just shy!!! Asking someone on a date is really hard! It doesn't have to mean anything major.
JoeNewbie Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Some people are just shy!!! Asking someone on a date is really hard! It doesn't have to mean anything major. When someone is interested, I don't think inviting them by text or calling them would make much of a difference. It's always easier to analyze things after the fact but in reality, who knows whether or not it makes a real difference.
jadedone Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I dont' understand the hate on asking someone out by text. In my case, it's not because I'm shy or anything. I just find it more convenient. I'd rather spend 5 seconds on a text than 15-20 minutes on the phone.
cheezy100 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Hey guys, I just got a text message from this guy, asking me out for dinner. I think I'm going to accept but wondered how long I should wait before I answer him? Text is different cuz the other person knows that you'll get the message INSTANTLY. I say like an hour wait is good.
norajane Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I dont' understand the hate on asking someone out by text. In my case, it's not because I'm shy or anything. I just find it more convenient. I'd rather spend 5 seconds on a text than 15-20 minutes on the phone. And that's why some of us hate being asked out by text. It shows us that we are not important enough to you to actually have a conversation. And it's lazy. If you don't want to talk to someone for 10 minutes on the phone, then what could you possibly have to offer on a whole date? Frenchgirl, don't play games. If you want to say yes, then go ahead and do it and don't worry about how long you're supposed to wait. There is no 'supposed to'.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Asking a girl out on a date via text must be a Generation Y thing. Personally, I (Gen X girl) would never accept a text invitation for a date.
jen's mind Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 While I'm pretty much anti-text messaging, if you want to go out with him and don't mind that he asked via text, just answer. Don't put any more thought into it than it took him to text you.
Author frenchgirl Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Ok I have an issue because of this. His text message was: "Hi, hope your Monday is an enjoyable one. I thought you may want to go out for dinner and a movie some time. Let me know when you're available." Is it me or did this question NOT require an immediate response? I thought I'd see how my week unfolds and would get back to him later this week. Well, I just got a phone call from him asking me why I had not responded to his note. That was a bit of a turnoff.
Prodigal Princess Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Well, I just got a phone call from him asking me why I had not responded to his note. That was a bit of a turnoff. Tell me about it! This guy is either desperate or very inexperienced. How did the conversation go?
Author frenchgirl Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Tell me about it! This guy is either desperate or very inexperienced. How did the conversation go? It was weird. It ended nicely but I don't know what to think. Should I have answered right away saying "let me get back to you"?
norajane Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 It was weird. It ended nicely but I don't know what to think. Should I have answered right away saying "let me get back to you"? See, for him, sending that text was a big deal because he was asking you to go on a date with him, and he didn't know what you'd say and he was hoping you'd say yes. So, you were delaying because you were responding to the "let me know when you're available" by waiting to figure out when you'd be available. But he was waiting on pins and needles all day to hear that you did want to go out with him, didn't matter when. All of this, of course, could have been avoided with a phone call... Give him a chance. He wants to go out with you and he was afraid you'd turn him down.
Prodigal Princess Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 It was weird. It ended nicely but I don't know what to think. Should I have answered right away saying "let me get back to you"? No. There was no onus on you to respond to his text immediately. You should only have responded when you knew the answer to his question (which would have been later in the week). This guy is totally insecure and things are off to a bad start already. Are you going to go on a date with him?
Author frenchgirl Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 No. There was no onus on you to respond to his text immediately. You should only have responded when you knew the answer to his question (which would have been later in the week). This guy is totally insecure and things are off to a bad start already. Are you going to go on a date with him? Well I agree with norajane's answer but I also think the guy is a bit anxious. Now I don't know what to think... I sort of figured that a couple days heads up would've been enough? For example I could've accepted on Wednesday and proposed Friday for our date? One of my girlfriends said that I should've at least answered something. I must admit, I didn't want to answer him too quickly...
djhall Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 Well I agree with norajane's answer but I also think the guy is a bit anxious. Now I don't know what to think... I sort of figured that a couple days heads up would've been enough? For example I could've accepted on Wednesday and proposed Friday for our date? One of my girlfriends said that I should've at least answered something. I must admit, I didn't want to answer him too quickly... Everything you say is reasonable, but also try to imagine what it is like to be on the other end. You ask someone on Monday to go out to dinner and a move and ask them to let you know when they are available. The rest of the day passes and there is no response... how do you think you are going to be feeling? You are probably going to be worrying they haven't answered you because they don't want to go out, but maybe they are just taking their time about getting back to you, or maybe they didn't get the message, or maybe they answered but you didn't get the response. If you really like the person, waiting for that response typically creates anxiety. By Wednesday you may well be thinking, "What the hell? I ask her out and she leaves me hanging for two days? Is she totally not into me, or does she just not give a crap about how I'm feeling over here? Does it really take her two days to figure out if she wants to go out with me? How hard is it to tell me you'd like to and you'll get back to me with a date later this week?" In my experience, the games we play usually either backfire, or only work well on the kinds of people who don't make good LTRs. Do you want to date a guy who thinks, "She responded promptly, so she seems considerate and receptive," or, "Dude this chick took me up on my dinneinvitation right away... loser?" How about a guy who thinks, "She took two days to answer me.... a challenge. I am so going to NAIL this chick!"
jen's mind Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 This whole episode just proves why text messaging is so limiting and pointless. It's a one-dimensional mode of communication. You can't pick up vibe from voice inflections or laughter or nervousness. You've got nothing to go on. If he wanted to go out with you so badly, he should have picked up the phone and called you. Instead, he chickened out with the text and then got indignant when you didn't respond in the time frame he'd established in his own mind.
JoeNewbie Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I've personally used e-mail quite a bit to ask women out. It's not that I'm too shy to call but I like the idea that she can comfortably decline if she wishes to do so. And those women who were interested in me answered favourably to my invitation. In two situations I've been in, I got an immediate response. That's because we were e-mailing back and forth several times a day. Both worked out very well. In another situation, she'd answer within a couple of days. We ended up going out quite a bit but things didn't work out. So I think a favourable response usually comes within a short delay.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 "Hi, hope your Monday is an enjoyable one. I thought you may want to go out for dinner and a movie some time. Let me know when you're available." Is it just me, or is this WEAK? First of all, it's in text form. Second, he uses vague language: "I thought you may want to go out", "sometime", "let me know". I don't blame you for not leaping at the wussy invitation. Granted, I have never done online dating, so I'm used to a face-to-face phone calling situation from the start. I see text message and e-mail date invites from men as totally lame. I can't imagine I would ever accept one.
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