Heart broken

[vicksa1]

I am hoping somebody out there can give me some advice on my situation which is destroying me.

 

About 21/2 years ago I suffered a great loss, a loss that drove me to insanity and I suffered both physically and mentally. A loss that i know will never be replaced. It shattered my soul.

 

But then about 18 months ago i met this man who charmed his way into my life. I fell in love with him u might say instantly and loving him helped to ease my pain but my happiness with him was short lived.

 

From the start there was something strange in his behaviour.....he would blow up over little things i say. What to me was normal to him it was the opposite and he would yell and throw abuse at me and then accuse ME of abusing him. It is so weird that i can hardly describe his behaviour. What ever the argument, he would always turn around and accuse me of his own behaviour...he would call me everything under the sun...that i am not human...that nobody would want me...that i deserve nothing but the worst. That i am miserable and who would want me.

 

No matter, i still clunked to him....i kept seeing him and loving him more every day. I also discovered he told me many lies. One of his lies was in regard to work....he told me he worked as a sales man but after six months i discover he was a pensioner. He would also want me to buy things for him like a computer or lounge chairs and so on. Every time we went out, i ended up paying.

 

He then started pushing me to sell my house....i kept putting it off. He kept insisting and abusing me to get off my butt and put the house on the market. He said he wanted us to get married and live together. Finally about 3 months ago i put the house on the market. About 2 weeks ago i had a buyer and i accepted the offer. The moment he knew i sold the house he got even more abusive knowing i was now solely dependable on him. He started abusing me more and intimidating me telling me he didnt want to see me anymore. Things just got worse and more abusive. So i appealed to the buyer to rescind and at a price the buyer thankfully walked away. Once i secured my house again I swore to myself that i will never go back to david again.

 

Then he started making contact with me again thinking the house was going through the process of being sold. So i told him that the buyer changed his mind as he couldnt raise the funds. Wow.....that was the crunch....he blew. He called me a lier and that i didnt love him enough as i was holding on to my bricks and mortar and that its all over between us. He said that house has just become your tomb and that i lost all contact of human behaviour and dont know how to love.

 

My problem is....i KNOW he is after my property. I know what he wants since he owns nothing...not even his furniture as they were all given to him by charity but what i dont know is how to break away from him. Where do i get the strength to break away???

 

I have nobody as i lost contact with all my friends in these 18 months with him. My family all live far away so i have no support whatsoever. I am scared of being alone but most of all the pain in my heart without this man is unbearable. I love him dearly and didnt care what he owned or didnt own. I was prepared to share what i had with him. But he plays mind games with me....i dont know why or what he things he can achieve by putting me down all the time. He knew about my loss although he would never allow me to talk about it or get comfort from him....he would say to put it behind me but yet i would listen to his sobbing stories that happened years ago.

 

If anyone has a magic wand out there, please wave it and pray that I will be strong to walk away from this man.

[TigerCub]

I think its awful that you're in an abusive relationship. You always hear of stories of people being trapped in these kinds of situations because they need the abuser and most of the time its financially. The one thing that you have at your advantage in this case is that you don't need him to support you, its the other way around, you have your house, I'm assuming you have a job and you don't need to rely on him to provide you with shelter and food, etc.

 

So if you think about it, you have a lot more power that he does. You say that you went through an awful loss before and having him in your life made you feel better, but maybe now you're just clinging to the memory of how he used to be, is the abusive side of him making you feel any better now? Is walking on eggshells when you're around him not knowing when he's gonna get pissed at something good for your heart/soul now?

No.

 

So empower yourself with the knowledge that you don't need him to survive, and cut him loose. You may love him, but the way he treats you, he doesn't love you, and I'm guessing that you're just more dependant on him emotionally than you really do "love" him. I suggest you break it off with him and invest whatever money you would have wasted on his abusive worthless a-- on a good therapist that will help you heal.

 

Good Luck

[cheezy100]

I am hoping somebody out there can give me some advice on my situation which is destroying me.

 

About 21/2 years ago I suffered a great loss, a loss that drove me to insanity and I suffered both physically and mentally. A loss that i know will never be replaced. It shattered my soul.

 

But then about 18 months ago i met this man who charmed his way into my life. I fell in love with him u might say instantly and loving him helped to ease my pain but my happiness with him was short lived.

 

From the start there was something strange in his behaviour.....he would blow up over little things i say. What to me was normal to him it was the opposite and he would yell and throw abuse at me and then accuse ME of abusing him. It is so weird that i can hardly describe his behaviour. What ever the argument, he would always turn around and accuse me of his own behaviour...he would call me everything under the sun...that i am not human...that nobody would want me...that i deserve nothing but the worst. That i am miserable and who would want me.

 

No matter, i still clunked to him....i kept seeing him and loving him more every day. I also discovered he told me many lies. One of his lies was in regard to work....he told me he worked as a sales man but after six months i discover he was a pensioner. He would also want me to buy things for him like a computer or lounge chairs and so on. Every time we went out, i ended up paying.

 

He then started pushing me to sell my house....i kept putting it off. He kept insisting and abusing me to get off my butt and put the house on the market. He said he wanted us to get married and live together. Finally about 3 months ago i put the house on the market. About 2 weeks ago i had a buyer and i accepted the offer. The moment he knew i sold the house he got even more abusive knowing i was now solely dependable on him. He started abusing me more and intimidating me telling me he didnt want to see me anymore. Things just got worse and more abusive. So i appealed to the buyer to rescind and at a price the buyer thankfully walked away. Once i secured my house again I swore to myself that i will never go back to david again.

 

Then he started making contact with me again thinking the house was going through the process of being sold. So i told him that the buyer changed his mind as he couldnt raise the funds. Wow.....that was the crunch....he blew. He called me a lier and that i didnt love him enough as i was holding on to my bricks and mortar and that its all over between us. He said that house has just become your tomb and that i lost all contact of human behaviour and dont know how to love.

 

My problem is....i KNOW he is after my property. I know what he wants since he owns nothing...not even his furniture as they were all given to him by charity but what i dont know is how to break away from him. Where do i get the strength to break away???

 

I have nobody as i lost contact with all my friends in these 18 months with him. My family all live far away so i have no support whatsoever. I am scared of being alone but most of all the pain in my heart without this man is unbearable. I love him dearly and didnt care what he owned or didnt own. I was prepared to share what i had with him. But he plays mind games with me....i dont know why or what he things he can achieve by putting me down all the time. He knew about my loss although he would never allow me to talk about it or get comfort from him....he would say to put it behind me but yet i would listen to his sobbing stories that happened years ago.

 

If anyone has a magic wand out there, please wave it and pray that I will be strong to walk away from this man.

 

WOMAN, you got to LEAVE hime IMMEDIATELY. Any man that abuses his woman is not a keeper. Why love somebody like that? Why make your life so miserable? He's not the only man on this planet. It seems like he's after your money. It seems like he doesn't even care about you. I don't think you should be afraid of him. If I was there, I would have socked that guy and kicked his ASS for you right then and there and tell him to leave you alone. Seriously, PROTECT yourself from these men. They are not nice. Trust me. You will not be happy with this type of lifestyle. You deserve someone that cherishes you and is nice to you. Not yell at you or blame you for anything. I scratched my boyfriend's car while backing up...and he kept saying it's alright when I kept apologizing. I think if it was you and your man, he would of BLEW A COW. Seriously woman, I'll give you my courage so that you can stand up for yourself and break it off with him. If you're really scared of him, then you go to the police and tell them that this man won't leave you alone and that he's abusive. You hear me? I don't want you to get hurt. There are a lot of nicer men out there. He's not the only one. I personally wouldn't even go for a man like that.

[vicksa1]

I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your response.....you will never know just how much your responses has given me the strength to stick to my decision to break away.

 

I knew all those things....i knew he was using me, i knew nobody deserves that abuse and I certainly didnt want it but my strength failed me and i clung on. Now i have decided once and for all. I much rather stay home and read a book than to spend another minute with him. I am hoping and praying he will let me be. He has threatened to come over and knock my teeth out and kill me but i m hoping theyre only words plus trying to make me feel low about myself. I am ignoring hoping he go away.

 

Thank you once again. Your advice has helped immensely to gather my strength and cut ties altogether.

 

V

[TigerCub]

I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your response.....you will never know just how much your responses has given me the strength to stick to my decision to break away.

 

I knew all those things....i knew he was using me, i knew nobody deserves that abuse and I certainly didnt want it but my strength failed me and i clung on. Now i have decided once and for all. I much rather stay home and read a book than to spend another minute with him. I am hoping and praying he will let me be. He has threatened to come over and knock my teeth out and kill me but i m hoping theyre only words plus trying to make me feel low about myself. I am ignoring hoping he go away.

 

Thank you once again. Your advice has helped immensely to gather my strength and cut ties altogether.

 

V

 

I'm very glad to hear that you're finding the strength to leave him, but if he's threatening to "knock your teeth out and kill you", I really think you should talk to the police and get a restraining order against him - don't take chances and just hope that he'll go away - I mean, I really hope he does, but if he's so abusive and quick to blow up about things you really should try to do all you can to protect yourself. I don't mean to scare you, but I really think you should get some kind of restraining order against him if that's possible.

 

I wish you the very best.

[shockandawed]

Vicksa,

 

I too am sorry you are going through this, but I can't echo enough what the others are saying here. Your first post made me think this guy was an abusive psycho, your last one clearly confirms it.

 

How is he threatening you?

 

Please, don't take any chances here. Do not have any contact at all with him. Do not return calls or respond to anything he does. Keep a record of all threats and contacts he makes with you. Take this to your local authorities and take all necessary means to protect yourself.

 

My guess is people like this are basically extremely spineless. When he realizes he can't bully you or manipulate you, he will disappear. Knowing you arent messing around and reporting him will probably hasten that.

 

My best to you and please keep us posted.

[vicksa1]

Thank you for your advice. Its greatly appreciated.

 

I wish i can say i moved on but thats not the case. I am sort of in limbo right now....part of me wants to leave part of me pulling me back but i m hoping that i will somehow move on as i know if i dont i will be financially ruined.

 

Thanks for your concern,

V