xx_Remix Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years. PLEASE bear with me when I speak of our ages, because I have a feeling this will make you angry. This sounds bad, I know, but I met him when I was 13 or 14, he being 18 or 19. We were friends at the time, simply playing video games and chatting on AIM. I started to like him because he was really funny and nice. I guess you could say he became my best friend. We kept talking and when I was around 14.5 years of age, my dad read my emails and found out about him. In my emails, I showed small signs of affection and he in return, but nothing too serious. I would say "Love ya!" and he back. Reading this, my father was ENRAGED and emailed my friend a threatening letter. I understand my fathers concern for me, because he thought that my friend (I will call him D) was going to kidnap me or something terrible, because of his age and the fact that he was a guy from the internet. My dad also believed that he was the cause of my grades to go down as a freshman in high school, but in fact he helped me. All through out highschool, I managed to keep good grades, above a 3.5 GPA. And on top of that I had a part time job too. So, balancing a job, school, and talking to a significant other wasn't a problem for me. My father wanted me to stop talking to him, but I just couldn't. He was my friend. My only real friend at the time. And to this day I Still talk to him, though my father doesn't know. I am now 17 nearing 18 in november, and he is 22.. I've met him, and currently live close to him now that I am in college. I know he is real, but I wish that my dad could know that. All the way through high school I've talked to him, but I've always had to hide it. I've been hiding it since the day my dad found out about him, and it's killing me and eating me up inside. I feel guilty every day for it, but I cannot stop talking to someone I deeply care about. My dad paid for me to go to college, which I am currently in and intending to do well in. But I am also seeing D occasionally, which I think may break my dad's heart. But I love this guy, though. Sounds bad, but if I've been able to talk to him and stuff since I was 14, and I couldn't let him go. He's been a real support for me, and has been my only true friend since I met him. He has been the only friend I was able to keep throughout high school, because he understood my pains and how to respect someone. He is a very big support for me emotionally because he currently is the only person I Can talk to about ANYTHING and he would be understanding. This person helped me through severe depression I had, so I care for him a lot. Regardless, I'm living a lie. I haven't told my father about him. I've been hiding him for nearly 3 years already, and I'm getting tired. I don't want to leave him, but I want him to meet my father. My father has really been the only person who supported me and I love him to death. That's why I am brought to tears from guilt. I fear that if I dare tell my father of D, he may never want to talk to me again or will become severely disappointed in me. I don't know how to bring D up. I wanted to MAYBE introduce when I turned 18, or a little after that, but I have NO idea in the world how to do this I've been thinking about it more and more lately because a not so close friend of mine has recently (1 year ago or so) entered a long distance relationship herself. She has met the guy, and told her parents about him. She is 17 as well, and he is 26. This guy has stood in her house with her parents consent, and now they are engaged. She is vietnamese. When I learned this, it was a shocker to me. One, being that her parents allowed her to do this, when Asian's are usually culturally strict about their children and dating. I was suprised and this gave me hope for a second that maybe I could introduce D to my dad. But I fear things will go sour really quickly. D is a really good person that would never hurt me, and all he wants to do is support me and help me any way he can. He has even told me he would help me pay for college stuff if he could, and I wish my dad could see this. But I fear that all my dad remembers of him is this "guy who is going to kidnap my underage daughter". So, I need some advice, support, or anything. How do I really go about this?
Els Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I must admit that I'm a little confused about your current status with your guy. Are you in a committed relationship? Casual one? Still half-friends? Undecided? I ask this because you say you're seeing him 'occasionally', even though you now live close by. He offered to pay for your college.. but you're calling him your friend. If it's anything except the first, frankly, you don't need to sweat it. Involving your dad will throw in unnecessary complications at this stage, IMO. Parents always love you and want what's best for you, I cannot deny that... but that doesn't mean that their decisions/opinions really ARE what's best for you. They have quite understandable prejudices against many things -- and online acquaintances ranks pretty much among bikers, triad members, strippers etc etc for some parents. None of the above are necessarily bad, but a good majority of them are, which leads to protective parents getting worried. I would suggest you take it easy, and wait til you're both going steady and serious, and preferably til you've graduated or are at least not a minor anymore, before involving your dad. You were 13 at the time he found out... he was quite understandably worried. Things may be different in the future. There is nothing bad about you, or your friendship/relationship with D, please believe me. Nobody has the right to judge you. I've been where you are, I know how it feels. I hope it works out for you.
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