Should I or Shouldn't I?

[D-Lish]

Oh! I am so glad you are going to go!

You'll have a blast!

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks D!

 

I called my cousin and got the skinny on him. She's also going to source out more. He's considered available and eligible, although no one's pinned him down yet, that she's aware of. There's no smut floating around about him, that she's heard. He sounds oddly normal.

[vonerik012]

Well after reading many of these threads, I would just like to point out something, and maybe men can learn from this as well.

 

I called BS from day one when I read TBF stating that the most important things on her long list of dating a man are "morals, integrity, honesty" etc. Later she mentioned it is important to date a man who did not sleep with many women, as that is a turn off etc. More BS.

 

I was making the claim that women are attracted to powerful, famous, or more wealthy men biologically, and all the other traits are secondary. A woman might whine about not finding a good man as she passes them all up, but would be eager to date the married CEO player with the Ferrari. Or sleep with the rock star, or date the actor. Etc.

 

Now, she is absolutely GIDDY about a man who she believes has several women all over. He comes off as a complete player.But does that matter? Not at all. It seems the regular neighbor dude who she was seeing is an after thought.

 

So men, do not listen to what women say, watch what they do. Be the man they chase and become enamored with, not the men they claim to want.

[D-Lish]

Thanks D!

 

I called my cousin and got the skinny on him. She's also going to source out more. He's considered available and eligible, although no one's pinned him down yet, that she's aware of. There's no smut floating around about him, that she's heard. He sounds oddly normal.

 

I think some of them can be normal.

My Ex husband's uncle is an actor- he's been in myriad supporting roles in Holywood- and then does the leading roles in Canada, lol. He's a pretty normal guy- but he still has a presence that is undeniable (he's gotta be 65ish now...). There has to be something exceptionally different or alluring about them in order for people to elevate them to fame.

 

What if he wants to come back to your place, or take you to his after...:love:

[Trialbyfire]

von, I wondered when you would bring this up. Notice I don't view him as relationship material?

[Trialbyfire]

Haha...D! I guess we'll see what happens, if or when it happens. While I usually don't wine, dine and bed strange men, I might make an exception this time. He's really got my hormones going wild. Almost two years of being celibate might have something to do with it...

[Mending1985]

Well after reading many of these threads, I would just like to point out something, and maybe men can learn from this as well.

 

I called BS from day one when I read TBF stating that the most important things on her long list of dating a man are "morals, integrity, honesty" etc. Later she mentioned it is important to date a man who did not sleep with many women, as that is a turn off etc. More BS.

 

I was making the claim that women are attracted to powerful, famous, or more wealthy men biologically, and all the other traits are secondary. A woman might whine about not finding a good man as she passes them all up, but would be eager to date the married CEO player with the Ferrari. Or sleep with the rock star, or date the actor. Etc.

 

Now, she is absolutely GIDDY about a man who she believes has several women all over. He comes off as a complete player.But does that matter? Not at all. It seems the regular neighbor dude who she was seeing is an after thought.

 

So men, do not listen to what women say, watch what they do. Be the man they chase and become enamored with, not the men they claim to want.

 

Are you aware that in every post you write, you come across as being extremely bitter?

 

Just an opinion.

[vonerik012]

Yes I understand you are saying that now...

 

However, even your tone comes across as extremely excited.. He excites you. He reminds you of your cheater ex, but he excites you. I am more or less pointing out what is attractive to women. Morals, integrity, and honesty will not get a man any dates. Women would rather go for the exciting guy, and down the line hope he might have a little of the above 3 traits.

 

That is my point. And if things go well, and I hope they do, you will become even more attracted.

 

And come on... You know inside, if things went well, you would love to be this man's girlfriend. There would be no other logical reason to be so excited.

 

Not bitter... I just know when I am right, and sooner or later I point it out.

[Trialbyfire]

von, you don't understand my lifestyle. I like it simple. I deliberately keep it simple. He's a lot of fun and electric but the drama that would ensue from anything more, I'm not certain I'm the type of person who would appreciate his lifestyle, for anything long-term.

 

Also, since he does remind me of the ex, I'm not certain if a man like this is capable of being monogamous. This wouldn't be a good trigger for me.

[D-Lish]

Well after reading many of these threads, I would just like to point out something, and maybe men can learn from this as well.

 

I called BS from day one when I read TBF stating that the most important things on her long list of dating a man are "morals, integrity, honesty" etc. Later she mentioned it is important to date a man who did not sleep with many women, as that is a turn off etc. More BS.

 

I was making the claim that women are attracted to powerful, famous, or more wealthy men biologically, and all the other traits are secondary. A woman might whine about not finding a good man as she passes them all up, but would be eager to date the married CEO player with the Ferrari. Or sleep with the rock star, or date the actor. Etc.

 

Now, she is absolutely GIDDY about a man who she believes has several women all over. He comes off as a complete player.But does that matter? Not at all. It seems the regular neighbor dude who she was seeing is an after thought.

 

So men, do not listen to what women say, watch what they do. Be the man they chase and become enamored with, not the men they claim to want.

 

Well, I am guessing this guy is also hot... woo hoo. Can't fake hot.

If he's on fire- who cares- I'd go on a date with him too. He wouldn't be the type I'd settle down with either.

 

Girls put guys into catagories too- the ones to have fun with and the ones to settle down with.

 

2 years TBF- wow- HAVE FUN, you deserve it.

[Trialbyfire]

Too funny D, yes, I do deserve it!

 

Lishy, plse hurry up with your stitching of his head to toe condom.

[vonerik012]

I do understand that you know this...

 

And, I feel you should be excited about a potential date. I also like that he took the time to pursue you, buy you flowers, etc. Life is too short to be bored, or too structured. For some reason the story actually makes me happy.

 

And knowing what you know, you are still excited. That is my only point. I just hear things that do not make sense,(morals, integrity , honesty, as top traits) and sometimes do not drop it until I prove my point.. Yes, ultimately down the road women like the above traits when they are in a man that completely excites them, if he appears to have them ahead of time or not.

[D-Lish]

I do understand that you know this...

 

And, I feel you should be excited about a potential date. I also like that he took the time to pursue you, buy you flowers, etc. Life is too short to be bored, or too structured. For some reason the story actually makes me happy.

And knowing what you know, you are still excited. That is my only point. I just hear things that do not make sense,(morals, integrity , honesty, as top traits) and sometimes do not drop it until I prove my point.. Yes, ultimately down the road women like the above traits when they are in a man that completely excites them, if he appears to have them ahead of time or not.

 

Are you serious.

I'm scared.

[sunshinegirl]

Hi TBF, wow! I just stumbled onto your thread. You know I hang out in the Coping section.

 

I don't quite know what to think! Good luck, I guess! You seem very clear and poised about this guy basically being a fling. I hope your good sense continues to guide you, the way you bring all the rest of us back down to earth when our feelings run away with us.

 

I think I'm surprised that you are so excited over someone who is giving at least me a lot of player/CP/NPD vibes.

 

I know with my ex I felt giddy just like you, like an electric current was shot straight through me every time I saw him. I think I told people everything was under control and that I wasn't going to get serious with a guy who wasn't even divorced yet. And, well, you can see where that got me.

 

Please be careful.

[Trialbyfire]

You're right, you won't drop it and no, you're not proving any point, von. What you believe is proof is nothing more than hormones. If I were viewing this guy from a relationship-material perspective, this would be a completely different story. He's neither the first man or the only man who's set my hormones off. He's just the only man who I haven't taken seriously.

 

My ex-H purported to have all the top five. That he didn't, was my failure to watch for all the red flags. That he was a consummate liar, hell, everyone needs a skillset...

[Trialbyfire]

Hi ssg, wow, that's great that you wandered out of the Coping forum. It's more fun in other forums so hang around a little more.

 

Awww...thanks. I will hopefully maintain sanity through this, to a reasonable degree that is. underpants noticed in the past, that I seem to attract NPDers or at minimum, narcissists. Whether he is or he isn't, hopefully won't matter since this is totally hormonal playtime.

[almost famous]

Vonerik, it's not that the actor couldn't be a serious prospect. Actors fall in love and commit like anyone else.

[vonerik012]

OK

 

The man who naturally sets your hormones off is the guy who seems to be a player with women in every port. Not the moral honest guy. I am looking at this from a basic, natural , biological stand point, of what turns women on.

 

If the date is wonderful, and if the sex is great,and if he comes across as a normal human as well, you would fall. Your mindset would quickly change from what is was before to, "Why not, this man is into me". And there is nothing wrong with that.

 

And d-lish, yes, I like to hear about men pursuing women, and women being happy and excited. Much better than reading about everyones problems and fears.

 

TBF are you one of those typical American girls too? You want to sleep with men you do not want to date? lol

[Trialbyfire]

You're looking at it as usual, in a blanket manner. I'm looking at it from the perspective of what works for me. Someone like this as a serious prospect would create some very bad triggers for me. I need someone who's not going to set off those triggers. Some people can actually stop themselves from committing personal emotional suicide. Understood?

[Capricciosa]

Aren't you at all worried that a man who could potentially trigger you, will indeed trigger you? Like a recovering alcoholic who has to just say no, I've learned that my triggers are easily set off by certain types of men so I try to only admire them from a distance now. Sex with a trigger means I'll be shot, if you know what I mean. There is no better way for me to get attached and to start suffering. No matter what I tell myself at the outset. Anyway, I'm very curious to find out what happens, and how you handle it, etc. It all just gives me a bit of the willies, but I don't want to project too much because I don't know your whole story.

[vonerik012]

I know I am right, so say whatever you like to save face..

 

You are completely giddy about going on a date with a man who you perceive to be a womanizer. He even reminds you of your cheater ex. You are insinuating having sex with him, and giving him your body.

 

In the past, you said men who sleep with a lot of women are a turn off. I called BS. You stated you have strict moral requirements in a potential date. I called BS.

 

And from the tone of your words, you already seem pretty emotional. I do not for one second believe that you would be content having one good date, and possibly one night of sex and never hearing from him again. That is not how you tick.

[Trialbyfire]

There are a lot of assumptions being made within this thread, of which I'm front and center guilty of making. It's assumed that he's not moral, has no integrity, isn't honourable, isn't the top five of my list. Maybe he's all of the above. Maybe he's all of the above and more. Maybe he's none and worse. Who really knows? I only know that there doesn't seem to be any smut flying around about him in Tinsel Town and that he's more importantly, single.

 

This is a great test for me. Let's see what it brings. For the interim, willies or not for others, I don't honestly give a crap.

 

I have a first date with hotness embodied tomorrow night. Time to have some fun!

[D-Lish]

Aren't you at all worried that a man who could potentially trigger you, will indeed trigger you? Like a recovering alcoholic who has to just say no, I've learned that my triggers are easily set off by certain types of men so I try to only admire them from a distance now. Sex with a trigger means I'll be shot, if you know what I mean. There is no better way for me to get attached and to start suffering. No matter what I tell myself at the outset. Anyway, I'm very curious to find out what happens, and how you handle it, etc. It all just gives me a bit of the willies, but I don't want to project too much because I don't know your whole story.

 

She has a point...

I'm interested to know what you think about this TBF...

 

Only because hormones can confuse the brain....!!!

[vonerik012]

Trust me, she is already confused.

 

You cannot say everything you have said, and then turn around to say "Oh, I know this is just a fling, I would not want more" You would at least want the fling to end on your terms.

 

I sometimes wonder if women really understand what they want, and just put up a front? Or if they really want to believe they want that honest, moral man with integrity whom might be a librarian.

[dropdeadlegs]

Is it just me, or doesn't one have to date someone (I know it's not a date, but simply a dinner ) to determine if someone has morals, integrity, and honesty? Again just me, but doesn't there have to be some sort of "attraction" to even want to go forth with a date?

 

I'm a serial "emotionally suicidal" person, but I don't think I could have figured any of that out without at least giving a person a chance. Maybe because to me a few calls just isn't the same as being eye to eye and believing what is said and believing a person to be sincere.

 

Did you say that you have proof that he has a girl in every port? I was under the impression that those thoughts were more of an assumption based on his profession and stature.

 

I can't help but think of Matt Damon and Luciana (Lucy.) She served him drinks in a Miami bar, was skeptical of who he said he was, and they have married and just had yet another child.

 

While I don't know the Damon's personally, he dated many starlets and chose to marry a person of a more common stature.

 

I suppose in this circumstance I would guard my heart even more, wondering what a man who could have anyone would want with me (other than the obvious.) I don't think you, TBF, have the esteem issues I have suffered from. You come across as confident, not one to be played for the fool. I don't worry about you or your heart. You have your head on your shoulders, still.

 

Me? I'd sleep with him, regardless, just so I could say I did! If he seemed to be so inclined, that is.

 

Well, maybe not if I really liked him. That's the way I usually go. I certainly never went nearly two years without. None of them were even close to famous. (I mean that as a compliment to you.)

 

I can't wait to hear how things go because I trust your judgment and honesty above all. Even if you show an impulsive side!