bigmanpayne Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 as i have previously posted, i just recently started a LDR. we have been talking for a little over 3 weeks now. she lives 2.5 hours away (going there, 2 hours coming back). we have had a great email battle where we have written some of the longest and most in-depth emails 2 people have ever written. also since we have been talking on the phone we probably talk about an average of 3 hours per night. i went to see her once last weekend where i spent about 20 hours with her and stayed the night at her place (no sex though). she has told me that she loves me. i know, i know its too soon. i realy like her but i am a little scared by this. she has changed her myspace picture to a picture of her and i (that we took while i was there), she has stopped dating all other men, and says that she really loves me and wants to wait until i am ready (no matter how long that takes). i have told her that i am not looking for a relationship right now and she says she understands and will not push me but her saying she loves me worries me a little. i mean she is great, and i like her, and loved spending time with her, but i know that i am not in love with her. in the movies soem people fall in love after one day, a week, a month, is it weird for her to feel that way about me so soon. i mean we have written a book between us and have covered pretty much everything in our lives, and we are very open and honest about everything which helps us when we are conversating and communicating. is this too weird? should i break things off with her or slow things way down? i am only really dating one other person right now but i dont want anything serious. i need LOVE SHACK's help!
D-Lish Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Yes, it's a little rushed to tell someone you love them after 3 weeks. I suspect she is in that infatuation stage- and was just unable to contain her thoughts. I don't know why you would break up with her over it though. If you like her and enjoy her company- enjoy sharing your life stories with one another.... why would you walk away from her? If she brings some amount of happiness and pleasure into your life.... That's not a bad thing! It's only been 3 weeks, who knows whether or not you could develop deeper feelings over time. What's the real problem here? Worried you might hurt her? Or just not even close to being ready to be in a serious relationship?
konfuzd Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 She knows you are not ready for a relationship, but does she know you are dating someone else, and does the someone else know about this girl?
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 She knows you are not ready for a relationship, but does she know you are dating someone else, and does the someone else know about this girl? i am very honest. yes they know about each other. i used to date a bunch of people but am now just dating these 2. if they ask i tell so i am very very honest with everyone.
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Yes, it's a little rushed to tell someone you love them after 3 weeks. I suspect she is in that infatuation stage- and was just unable to contain her thoughts. I don't know why you would break up with her over it though. If you like her and enjoy her company- enjoy sharing your life stories with one another.... why would you walk away from her? If she brings some amount of happiness and pleasure into your life.... That's not a bad thing! It's only been 3 weeks, who knows whether or not you could develop deeper feelings over time. What's the real problem here? Worried you might hurt her? Or just not even close to being ready to be in a serious relationship? i am not so worried about hurting her, i just probably dont want to be hurt myself. she is great, this just seems fast. i dont want to get involved in a serious relationship and have someone do the same crap that i have had done in the past, thats all.
D-Lish Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 i am not so worried about hurting her, i just probably dont want to be hurt myself. she is great, this just seems fast. i dont want to get involved in a serious relationship and have someone do the same crap that i have had done in the past, thats all. Well, if you never give anyone a chance- you'll never find a meaningful relationship with anyone. I repeatedly turn away good guys... I have since my marriage bombed and my ex husband knocked up another woman.... But at some point- you have to decide if you'll take the leap or not. or you could just keep running away. That hasn't worked well for me. is that working for you?
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Well, if you never give anyone a chance- you'll never find a meaningful relationship with anyone. I repeatedly turn away good guys... I have since my marriage bombed and my ex husband knocked up another woman.... But at some point- you have to decide if you'll take the leap or not. or you could just keep running away. That hasn't worked well for me. is that working for you? its going okay for me. i dont have anyone in my life to actually share my life but i am also not disappointed by anyone either. i dont have to worry whether or not someone really likes me or loves me or accepts me. i cant lie, i am a big tough guy but i dont think i could go through that same crap again. thats why i just date and try to keep my distance, but lately i have been talking to a few that are relationship material but most live far away so that has been good for me.
Lucky_One Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 From a girl's standpoint, it seems a bit different for her to be professing her love for you so quickly ESP since she knows about your other dating R. Honestly? She sounds a bit desperate and needy. If this is how she reacts after 3 weeks and after a guy tells her that he doesn't want to be exclusive and that he is dating someone else, then I would think that she is trying to push the issue, and is hoping that this other girl sees her MySpace and thinks that you are a legit couple. I would slow things down. If you are spending this much time talking and writing, how much time would she expect if you were a committed couple?
sfsassy Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 From a girl's standpoint, it seems a bit different for her to be professing her love for you so quickly ESP since she knows about your other dating R. Honestly? She sounds a bit desperate and needy. If this is how she reacts after 3 weeks and after a guy tells her that he doesn't want to be exclusive and that he is dating someone else, then I would think that she is trying to push the issue, and is hoping that this other girl sees her MySpace and thinks that you are a legit couple. I would slow things down. If you are spending this much time talking and writing, how much time would she expect if you were a committed couple? I couldn't have said it better Lucky!
LikeCharlotte Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Well, if you never give anyone a chance- you'll never find a meaningful relationship with anyone. I repeatedly turn away good guys... I have since my marriage bombed and my ex husband knocked up another woman.... But at some point- you have to decide if you'll take the leap or not. or you could just keep running away. That hasn't worked well for me. is that working for you? I'm quoting D-Lish here bmp - because i can't say it any better. It is what it is. If you think it seems too needy and fast then cut it off. If you decide to run with it... the worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out, right? Unless you suspect that she might go psycho and cause you legal problems or worse. I get the feeling from your post that you like her and are just scared. Some people fall in love easily. Honestly, sometimes I envy them. As for the other girl.. heh, you aren't taking her into much account here. That speaks volumes to me. Sounds like you already know what you want to do, but what do I know?
LikeCharlotte Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 I forgot to add that there is nothing wrong with asking her to slow down a little.
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I'm quoting D-Lish here bmp - because i can't say it any better. It is what it is. If you think it seems too needy and fast then cut it off. If you decide to run with it... the worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out, right? Unless you suspect that she might go psycho and cause you legal problems or worse. I get the feeling from your post that you like her and are just scared. Some people fall in love easily. Honestly, sometimes I envy them. As for the other girl.. heh, you aren't taking her into much account here. That speaks volumes to me. Sounds like you already know what you want to do, but what do I know? i do like her and i am a little scared but i do think i am going to talk to her and reaffirm my position. i just dont want to give her the wrong idea. i am not sure that i will ever have a verbal contract (bf/gf) or written contract (marriage) ever again. i do like her though.
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 From a girl's standpoint, it seems a bit different for her to be professing her love for you so quickly ESP since she knows about your other dating R. Honestly? She sounds a bit desperate and needy. If this is how she reacts after 3 weeks and after a guy tells her that he doesn't want to be exclusive and that he is dating someone else, then I would think that she is trying to push the issue, and is hoping that this other girl sees her MySpace and thinks that you are a legit couple. I would slow things down. If you are spending this much time talking and writing, how much time would she expect if you were a committed couple? she will never expect anything because i am allergic to committed couples, LOL
sfsassy Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 i do like her and i am a little scared but i do think i am going to talk to her and reaffirm my position. i just dont want to give her the wrong idea. i am not sure that i will ever have a verbal contract (bf/gf) or written contract (marriage) ever again. i do like her though. I wouldn't make decisions like that since you are in the really early healing process with what happened with your ex, but RIGHT now I don't think you should start anything to heavy or that you can't easily get out of.
sfsassy Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 she will never expect anything because i am allergic to committed couples, LOL Considering where you are coming from this makes perfect sense, lol.
LikeCharlotte Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 i do like her and i am a little scared but i do think i am going to talk to her and reaffirm my position. i just dont want to give her the wrong idea. i am not sure that i will ever have a verbal contract (bf/gf) or written contract (marriage) ever again. i do like her though.If she is not of the same relationship disposition (and it sounds like she is not) then you shouldn't continue this whether you like her or not. Sometimes it is better to save someone the anguish and let them be free to persue someone who is capable of a more serious relationship. You aren't doing her any favors by holding on to her if you are not capable of giving her what she is looking for. Maybe at some point in te future you will be and will be lucky enough to find that she is still available. If you handle this honestly now you can leave the bridge intact. I know you like her but if she is looking for something more serious eventually then you really need to let her go. It would be selfish to stay involved. Also, be weary of her telling you that she is comfortable with a casual realtionship. Love is not casual. Do you see what I am saying?
Author bigmanpayne Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 If she is not of the same relationship disposition (and it sounds like she is not) then you shouldn't continue this whether you like her or not. Sometimes it is better to save someone the anguish and let them be free to persue someone who is capable of a more serious relationship. You aren't doing her any favors by holding on to her if you are not capable of giving her what she is looking for. Maybe at some point in te future you will be and will be lucky enough to find that she is still available. If you handle this honestly now you can leave the bridge intact. I know you like her but if she is looking for something more serious eventually then you really need to let her go. It would be selfish to stay involved. Also, be weary of her telling you that she is comfortable with a casual realtionship. Love is not casual. Do you see what I am saying? i am afraid you might be right. this sucks.
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