Gwyneth Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I stayed out of this room for a while because it was too painful. I see many new members and some old, so let me quickly go over my situation. I began an affair with a MM the summer of 2007 and it ended this past Spring. From this affair I became pregnant with a baby girl due in October The father and I are back and forth on what his position will be in the baby's life. He's a very unstable man and I do not want that in my daugther's life. The last time we spoke (first week of July), at that time he still hadn't told his wife, "as promised," and was still living this twisted double-life. That is the hardest part for me, knowing that the father of my unborn child is a miserable, cheating, no good piece of trash. But stupid me still loved him enough to get myself into such a mess (the affair, not the baby). His coworkers know I am pregnant but not entirely that it is his baby. I'm sure they assume, but we never publicly discussed whose baby I am carrying--it's no one's business anyway. Two months had passed and I hadn't seen or heard from him, until last week. He kept looking at my stomach, but didn't ask how I was doing, or how she is doing. I guess the thought didn't even cross my mind, which doesn't surprise me one bit. But he did have some shocking news himself...he and his wife are now separated since mid-July, and he has moved out and has himself a divorce lawyer. I believe his wife kicked him out after she made a call to one of his coworkers, who then told her Every thing her dear husband has been doing behind her back. MM couldn't get into specifics as he was busy working, but he will especially if it concerns me because I'll make sure he does. What's so sick about this guy ratting MM out to his wife is that this dear friend ALSO cheats on his wife left and right. So, I don't understand where he gets off putting his nose where it doesn't belong. But that isn't my problem anymore. I have a baby to worry about at this point. One thing MM and I did agree on months ago is that his name will be left off the birth certificate, and she will carry my last name, until he gets his act together. But he has a lot of acts to put together before I will let him in on her life. As for me, I'm ready and able to raise this child on my own. I have been casually dating a man for a few months now who is like a friend with benefits more or less. He is a wonderful man, but he doesn't light my fire. There is also another man who does light my fire, who has never been married and is an older man. So, I am keeping my options open but also putting my child before me. I don't expect replies and these days I hardly get onto the board other than to reply to PMs. I just want to say that there is Definitely a wonderful life after MM / MW and don't let this married person hold you back. I never would have thought MM and his wife would have separated--I always doubted it, but it has happened. Well it's now too late--I have moved on emotionally and mentally, and it feels lovely. I'm not even sure if I feel guilty that his marriage is ruined, but that could be because I'm pregnant and my emotions are all over right now, and quite frankly I don't really care about MM and his marriage anymore. I suggested to him to come clean months ago and tell his wife. But now she has found out via a friend / coworker of MM's which to me is worse than finding out from your dear spouse. So far she has not called me, but I don't even know what this guy told MM's wife and if my name even came up (but I'm sure it did as she supposedly would ask who I am). It is what it is, and now it's time to move forward and look forward to the good things in life God gives to us. Life after an affair is great yet there are still some guilt issues I will have to deal with. It's nice to freely date a man and not have to worry about his spouse finding out or sneaking around. That to me now looks bad and it's a Very bad look for a man or a woman to date a married or committed man or woman. It's a bad look that I'm pregnant with a MM's baby, but that's my problem. Not too many people know who the father of the baby is--or that he's married (or was I should say). I hope all you OW / OM also find it in your hearts to Let go and move on. It's just not worth the agony, stress, or sneaking around. Gwyneth
bentnotbroken Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 If you move on to the blessings that God has for you, make sure that you don't hang on to any of the dirt from the past, to contaminate the future. A child shouldn't be in a tainted situation, I know you will make sure that isn't the case. Take care of the baby, make her your center and all will be fine.
Author Gwyneth Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Thank you, BNB. I'm actually checking lol... anyway, it's amazing how much my life has changed these past four or five months. I'm in a better place now mentally and emotionally. Being pregnant has done a great deal for myself, and even though it's by the MM, it's still done wonderful things for me. It has opened my eyes and now I am looking for the right guy to be daddy to my little girl. I'm hoping I find the right guy and that he is as single as can be. I have no regrets, but I can't say I'd agree with myself if I weren't pregnant. Being pregnant with the MM's child puts me in a different place than most other OW / OM (well, just OW I assume LOL).
bentnotbroken Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Thank you, BNB. I'm actually checking lol... anyway, it's amazing how much my life has changed these past four or five months. I'm in a better place now mentally and emotionally. Being pregnant has done a great deal for myself, and even though it's by the MM, it's still done wonderful things for me. It has opened my eyes and now I am looking for the right guy to be daddy to my little girl. I'm hoping I find the right guy and that he is as single as can be. I have no regrets, but I can't say I'd agree with myself if I weren't pregnant. Being pregnant with the MM's child puts me in a different place than most other OW / OM (well, just OW I assume LOL). All the 2x4's aren't from a place of anger and bitterness. Some of them are from age and experience and wanting everyone to live in joy and peace, without the chaos we sometimes bring onto ourselves. Gwen, I may not have been involved in an A, but I have brought chaos into my life that was unnecessary and completely avoidable. Sometimes, you just want people not to have to do the same crap as you did.
kchiapet95 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Ahh Gwyn. I remember you and I posting at the same time, similar situations...I'm so happy for you and I wish for the best for you and your baby. Moving on really is sweet, isn't it? Congratulations.
angie2443 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Wow! Time goes so fast! I didn't post much on your threads when you visited more frequently, but I do remember you were pregnant. I know the baby isn't here yet, but congratulations:). You must be excited since it's only a month away. I don't have any advice really or any comments, but just wanted to say congratulations again and if you need people to talk to about bieng a single mother, you can go to Babycenter.com (the site is moving but this should still take you to the site). They have plenty of message boards for moms in your situation and the boards are so much less depressing than the boards here can be. I don't come here that much anymore because these boards can just get me down. I hope all goes well for you. Good luck!
pelicanpreacher Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Will leaving MM's name off of the birth certificate hamper your efforts to secure child support from him? I think that this is his thinking when you proposed that agreement.
EnigmasMuse Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I hope things work out for you. Congrats on your new baby girl that you'll be having soon. Also, take time for yourself and child, don't worry about dating right now, any man single or married. Just be with your child and work on things from there.
signedin2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 How are you doing financially? Would that be a huge burden due to extra expenses, days off to take care of baby's doctor's appointment, child care, etc.?
Author Gwyneth Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 I'm well off financially. I don't need his money. I'd rather have him OUT of my life and take care of her on my own then to put up with his ridiculousness.
TogetherForever Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Gweneth, Hi!!!! Glad to see you are doing well & that your precious bundle will be here b4 you know it. Take care. Good to see you again. TF
precious1357 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Wow Gwen, You seem to bring out the good in people. Congratulations on your new baby. I haven't read such positive responses on this board! congrats again
Author Gwyneth Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Thank you PS: I'm 34 weeks! Almost there. I'm at the point where I want her OUT!!!!
Terminator Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 34 weeks is a LONG way from almost there Ask any woman what are the longest weeks of her life and she'll answer the last few of any pregnancy lol
angie2443 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Thank you PS: I'm 34 weeks! Almost there. I'm at the point where I want her OUT!!!! I know the feeling! I've been through 3 already and those last weeks can drive you crazy. It will happen sooner than you think. Just hang in there:)
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 That's brilliant news Gwn and I love your pic too x
quankanne Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I'm at the point where I want her OUT!!!! you DO realize that when she becomes a sassy preteen, those immortal words will fall from your lips? "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!" :bunny: wishing you happiness, joy and a speedy six weeks!
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