xxxicklexxx Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I dont even no how to start this, i havnt felt this confused in a long time. Im in a situation right now that im not to sure how to handle.Well i do but i dont no if its RIGHT? The past year has been very hard on me. Between a messy divorce between my parents, having a new home introduced into my system, having to study for major exams, and the hardest on me, my best friend almost dying. I dont want to seem like im Whining. Thats the point, i never talk about it because .. wel thats just me.i open up to few people and when i do its only parts. This is excluding my boyfriend. Iv been with him almost a year (im 17), and i tell him EVERYTHING. I trust him with anything and i love him more then he believes, even tho i made a major mistake a few months back. Anyway.recently both my parents, another close family member my best friend, and the school counselor brought up the subject of seeing someone.you no, to talk to.i currently see my school counselor but because of class i cant anymore.It always makes me feel so much better, and he also helps with my anger which has become much more noticable the past few months. Iv been thinking about it for months and i think it would be a good idea if i saw someone after school every so often, ya no, to help me keep my stress down like my school counselor does.My mom fully supports me, so does my dad, so i decided to talk about it to my BF. i was not expecting his reaction. he feels it means i dont trust him and im not being honest with him because i want to talk to someone else.this really hurt me because i thought he could tell, with all i tell him, that he knows things about me iv never told anyone. im scared if i see a counselor il loose him, and hel be mad at me but at the same time i need to do whats best for me.im so confused on what to do, hes convinced im lying to him about stuff, and not opening up to him. I told him this, that sometimes it feels wrong talking to him about my friends who he sees on a daily basis and as there friend i couldnt do that to him. at the same time i need to talk about it though because its a heavy load to carry which my school counselor is aware. Is my Bf right and im just being stupid.. because i really dont no
Ronni_W Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 It's not that your b/f is "wrong"...but he is quite misguided in his thinking. You DESERVE to have the best support that is available and, when it comes to difficult emotions and weak or non-existent coping skills, the best is someone who has professional training to guide you. I'm sure your b/f is 100% supportive but he cannot give you 100% of what you need and deserve as far as: increasing your self-awareness, learning proper ways to manage your anger (and any other reactionary behaviours), effective coping skills and tools, dealing with the many MAJOR life transitions that you're experiencing and, on top of all that, staying attentive at school and motivated to work for the good grades that you want. He is misguided in any beliefs that he can do ALL of that for you. He is setting himself up to disappoint and frustrate himself if he even attempts it. And he is setting you up to not be able to progress in becoming an independent, well-functioning person. If you do decide to just count on him for everything that you need right now, it will be a decision that actually ends up limiting BOTH of you. The wise and smart decision would be for you to accept all the professional support that is offered, and also to try to expand your support network -- it can get exhausting AND tiresome/boring (for both you and your b/f) if too much "heavy-duty stuff" gets placed on a single (untrained) person...no matter how well-intentioned s/he may be. (((hugs))) Wishing you the BEST guidance, care and support.
Author xxxicklexxx Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Its really reasuring to hear that said by someone else. Iv told my mom id like to start the after school counselling, and hopefully he'l come around. i think i also need to sit down with him and tell him why its important to me i do this, even if ( i no he will be) feels hurt after. He does have it in his head, he's all i will ever need. Thank you
Ronni_W Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You're welcome . I think that's a good idea to just have a chat with him -- maybe he won't feel hurt if you focus on the fact that you really appreciate how good he is at supporting you, but you know that he wants what is BEST for you, and you do not want to become emotionally dependent on him because you KNOW that will ultimately put a huge strain and burden on him. Tell him you want to grow together as TWO well-functioning adults...not one (him) grow over-responsible while you stay stuck in any under-responsible and childlike behaviour. Hopefully he will understand...you ARE thinking about your happy and positive future together, and you ARE taking healthy steps to accomplish that. It is mature and realistic that you are realizing that he is NOT all you will ever need...and it wouldn't be fair of YOU to put that on him. Hopefully he will totally get what you're saying. Good luck with your counseling efforts...and with all those exams!
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