JoeNewbie Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I went out with a few co-workers and got to spend time with this girl I've been interested in. Things heated up pretty quickly as my hands roamed freely from her shoulders to her neck to her thighs. I was especially fond of her sexy thighs and couldn't believe I was touching her bare skin. She just broke up with her boyfriend (they were together for a couple years) so I didn't try to kiss her. Before she left she hugged me real close and gave me a really nice kiss on the cheek. And then she said "you and I will talk?" to which I replied that I will call her. I personally think that I did the right thing but some of my close friends call me a wuss and that I missed my chance. What are your thoughts on this? I plan to ask her out for dinner some time.
shockandawed Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Joe, If you are looking for a one night romp with her, then that may have been your chance, but if you are interested in her for a potential relationship, then you absolutely did the right thing. Just be cautious, if she just got out of a 2 year relationship, then she still probably has issues from that. Slow and steady would be the course here. Good luck!!
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Joe, If you are looking for a one night romp with her, then that may have been your chance, but if you are interested in her for a potential relationship, then you absolutely did the right thing. Just be cautious, if she just got out of a 2 year relationship, then she still probably has issues from that. Slow and steady would be the course here. Good luck!! Thanks! I definitely wasn't looking for a one night stand and told her so. At some point our touching had become a bit sexual and while I was enjoying it, I also didn't want to send the wrong message.
shockandawed Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Then you did the right thing. You have to be careful, especially where you say you told her you weren't looking for a one night stand. By telling her that, you are declaring your interest in a relationship with her. While that is honorable versus just trying to get her horizontal, it immediately puts her in the comparison mode. What I mean, by announcing your noble intentions, you told her you wanted a relationship with her. Fine and well, except she just got out of a long term relationship. By doing that, in her mind, she is now forced to look at you as the replacement for her ex. The comparisons start flowing then. Even if you are better in all the normal categories, the one are you can't be yet, is the comfort zone. She may realize all your great qualities, but she will think about some simple night they were together, just maybe watching tv while cuddled and remember how comfortable she felt. It will literally depress the hell out of her because you can't give that yet. You want to make her see you as her future, without her ever realizing it. Call her, take her to dinner and start the process. Talk about things you enjoy, things you would like to do, ask her the same, hopes for the future, etc..really try to avoid talking about her ex. This is the hard part, I have done it way too many times. You want to hear how horrible he is so you can clarify how you are the opposite, but it doesn't usually work that way. You become more of a counselor. It will make the conversations easier because there is a lot to talk about. However, it will also subconsciously put you in the friend category. When she has tired of discussing him and is ready to completely move on, you will be left behind as well because in her mind, she equates you as part of grieving about her ex. I hope this makes sense. I have been down this road a couple of times on both sides.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 You have to be careful, especially where you say you told her you weren't looking for a one night stand. By telling her that, you are declaring your interest in a relationship with her. Yeah I know. Here's the deal though. She's a hot lady and every guy wants to sleep with her. And while I am reasonably successful with women, I don't think "beauty" is my main asset. If she wanted a one night stand, she could find much better than me... Also, at some point things heated up and she became aroused. She then looked at her girlfriend and they went to the bathroom together (I assume to talk...). When they came back, her friend asked me what my intentions/expectations were. I had stuck.
shockandawed Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Yeah I know. Here's the deal though. She's a hot lady and every guy wants to sleep with her. And while I am reasonably successful with women, I don't think "beauty" is my main asset. If she wanted a one night stand, she could find much better than me... Also, at some point things heated up and she became aroused. She then looked at her girlfriend and they went to the bathroom together (I assume to talk...). When they came back, her friend asked me what my intentions/expectations were. I had stuck. Well..the point is that at the moment you were together, you were the one getting her aroused, so yes, there is a POSSIBILITY she was just caught up in the moment or wanting a one night stand. Who knows and hopefully not. Like I said, just go forward, it is the only way you will know. Call her, ask her out and start the process. I would take it slow, but the only way to guage it is to take the next step.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Well..the point is that at the moment you were together, you were the one getting her aroused, so yes, there is a POSSIBILITY she was just caught up in the moment or wanting a one night stand. Who knows and hopefully not. Like I said, just go forward, it is the only way you will know. Call her, ask her out and start the process. I would take it slow, but the only way to guage it is to take the next step. Thanks, that's what I intend to do. This tension between us has been going for several weeks now so I'm pretty sure it won't vanish just like that. But I will take things slow for sure.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I echo everything SAA has said. I've been thinking a lot about rebounds lately, actually. The best-date-ever guy (who I know from 6-7 years back) was friends back in the day with a guy who I dated shortly after getting out of a 3 year relationship. At the time, I thought I was okay to date. It's only 7 years later that I can see how I completely transferred my heartache from the end of my relationship into that new relationship. I missed the companionship, the intimacy, the attention, the love. I sought those things with the new guy, but it wasn't real. I particularly missed the type of attention you were giving her last night...the feeling of being wanted, desired. Whatever you do, go slowly with her - both physically and emotionally. That way she'll have the time to heal, and you'll protect yourself from getting sucked in to the rebound role.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Yes, the rebound effect is always something to keep in mind but I tend to not worry about it too much. I know of plenty of very strong couples whose LTR started as a rebound. I guess finding the right fit is what matters.
Recommended Posts