Karma101 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I just posted my story on the 'Break Up' board: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163486/ Basically I've been dating a divorcing/separated man for the past 9 months. He has been physically separated (out of the house) from his wife for over a year and lived in a guest room for about 6 months before leaving the house after counseling, etc. His wife cheated on him (while he was still in the house) and has continued in a relationship with this man until just last week. When we met, we dated casually and still dated other people. We took things very slowly. It only got exclusive between us and serious in May. His wife approached him about a reconciliation back in July, but also said she really wasn't sure, didn't know what she wanted and continued her relationship w/ her boyfriend. This, understandably, rocked my boyfriend and opened up a flood gate of emotions. But their attempt to get back together never went past a few conversations and we continued our relationship. We have gotten even closer in the past couple of months. He gave me a key to his condo and we made future plans to travel and see concerts. I did spend time w/ his kids during visititation. They are older. He has 3, btw, and has been married for almost 20 years. He was moving forward w/ the divorce - took his parenting class required by our state, interviewed several realtors to sell the house that she still lives in (with the boyfriend) and mediation was scheduled for this upcoming week. All seemed good. I knew it would be hard. From experience, I know this process is emotionally draining. On this past Tuesday, I found out that they talked on Monday evening and she said she wanted to work on the marriage. She broke up with her BF last week and told him she wanted to see him exclusively during this time. As you can guess, I am out. I clearly can't compete with 20 years of history together. I understand and respect his decision. There were lots of tears and I love you's, and as much closure as I could hope for in this situation. I do believe that his feelings for me are real. He assured me they are, but this is something he needs to do for him and his family. He can't go through w/ the divorce with a "What if" in the back of his mind. I can understand that. But... I am devastated. This woman showed not a bit of interest in her husband for almost 2 years now, left him for a 24 year old kid and has all of a sudden decided that she wants to reconcile?!? Selfishly, I am mad and deeply hurt. I love this man with all of my heart. I hold out no hope for us to ever get back together. I am doing my best with NC, though there have been a few slips on both our parts. I am just trying to cope with the loss. It's hard to let go of a relationship when things only got better each and every day. There were no fights or arguements. We truly went out of our way to make each other happy. The pain is unbearable... I have struggled with my weight over the years. Not eating enough and falling well below what is considered a normal weight for my height. He has been instrumental in helping me deal with this issue in the most loving and caring way. I have comfortably gained 10 lbs. since I've been w/ him, realizing it was in my best interest. I have not eaten in a few days now. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism. When I feel like I have lost control, it's the one thing I know I am completely in charge of. Hard to explain. Not to mention, I have no appetite. I ended my own marriage. Although I dated quite a bit since divorcing, this is my first real relationship. My first heart break since college. Someone, please remind me how to cope with this. How to move past the pain...
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