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giving it another shot? still a lot of doubts in my mind


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Posted

my long distance relationship of nearly a year fell apart after she said she didn't want a relationship, things had been getting distant since she had gone home and basically we were talking less, she told me she didn't want a relationship and was playing all kinds of games b4 the breakup, rarely calling, calling 15 minutes before sleeping stuff like that, anyways after i found out she kissed another guy and trying to talk to her for 5 days she wouldnt answer my calls i decided to dump her, almost immediatly she started contacting me and after 2 weeks i talked to her, she said she wanted to try to work something out with me, and see me when i visit, i will be close to her, so i decided we could give it one more shot, so the first few days were fine, she seemed like she wanted things to work out and that she wanted to see me, but today she wasn't very interested and she wanted to get off the phone fairly quick, maybe she was just in a bad mood, but either way it upset me because i don't want to be dealing with stuff like this and it went from a definite of seeing me to not as definite, either way i'd like to see her, i know talking 3-4 hours isn't logical and i don't want to be clingy but what is the best way to go about this, i don't want to screw it up, even though she is the one being rude i don't want to appear fazed. the one thing that sucks is right now i am out of school with no job so it bothers me more, while she is doing both, our conversations since may have been so different, she used to call me all these pet names and we talked about marriage and kids this is after 7 months, and all of that kind of stopped, we acted more like friends for the last 4 or 5 and we haven't talked like that in forever, i want it to come back but i no it won't all at once. i just don't want to do all the wrong things and push her away, i want to make sure if it doesn't work out it was because she wasn't in love with me, not because i was clingy or anything like that. another thing is that i tend to get into serious things way too quick and not keep the conversation light, i get into heavy stuff and i mention the same things a lot, either way i'm not helping my cause

Posted

hi jay... if she is he one who now wants it to work

then she needs to be workng at it more..

 

step back again an see what happens.. seems flaky to me imo

Posted
i just don't want to do all the wrong things and push her away

 

Hey there Jay, First things first. You're not alone in feeling sad, hurt and even confused about what to do next in your relationship. Everyone has, or someday will, go through "break up" hell and feel the pain of wanting their ex back.

 

I suggest learning how to attract her back to you. Here are some tips:

 

* Never EVER act or sound desperate and needy. Women will view this as a sign of weakness - and it can ruin your chances of getting her back.

 

* Even if you have to fake it at first, be easy-going and happy when you talk to her.

 

* Be confident & make sure she see's you as a successful guy who is on a path to a making a better life for himself - despite what happens between the two of you.

 

* Be aloof, but do not play hard to get. Don't always be immediately available for her - women love a hint of mystery in men. Making her wonder what you've been up to is very powerful!

 

* Never rush into getting back together to soon. For example, if your ex girlfriend calls you upset, crying, and says she misses you and wants to see you, what would you do? If your answer would be to agree with her and jump into your car to go see her... then please check out this video: http://howtowinbackex.com/help-me-t-dub-video-2/

 

The video explains why trying to reconcile your relationship to early is a critical mistake and how it can kill any chances of getting back together.

 

Also Jay, just because you are not in school or working right now, does not mean you don't have a life!

 

Get involved with a hobby, research a topic that's always interested you and start a blog on it, learn to play an instrument, do volunteer work for kids, animals, elderly, homeless, etc.

 

You'll gain more confidence, and your ex girlfriend will be impressed with your ambition. :cool:

 

Warm Wishes :bunny:

  • Author
Posted

for the past 3 days we have talked quite a bit, 1 day we seemed like everything was back to normal, i am trying to keep everything light and funny and whenever i say she should get started with her stuff, she says i don't want to get off or i wanna still talk, she seems to be a little bit closer but still somewhat distant, like she is mentioning us in the future but not to the degree that it was, i have tried to not show too much emotion but i still say i love you and all of that, should we maybe talk a little less, because the past 3 days it has been 2 to 3 hours, with 1 day being great and the other 2 more like good :), sometimes we run out of things to say because right now both our lives aren't very exciting :), i know i can't expect things to be back to normal right away but i don't want to mess them up, has anyone been in this situation, it is long distance and i won't be seeing her for at least 2-3 weeks, how can i bring some excitement back into our conversations, it is so hard when u don't see each other everyday and right now there isn't that romantic side back, not yet at least, there hasn't been for months, i feel like maybe sometimes i'm not being enough of a man and kind of like i have lost a sense of self, before i was way too rude and now im a little too soft, i don't want to be mean but i want to be myself, i'm so confused right now, i'm thinking maybe now i shouldn't push the romantic stuff and should just be cool and see what happens when i see her, because if anything thats when i'd have the most time to try to see where we are. any help appreciated, i think it might be a mistake to talk so much so soon, but we get caught up, i feel like maybe we got back too quick and that i was to quick to forgive.

 

Thanks

  • Author
Posted

i want that feeling where i can be myself again, even though i have done nothing wrong i feel like i'm trying to prove myself, i don't owe her that, she owe's me that. i want to be able to be a little feisty, be a man like i used to be in this relationship, any help appreciated

Thansk

  • Author
Posted

anyone please ?, and another thing when she is being close or trying to act cute i kind of brush it off, i don't give her those little compliments i used to give her, though i want too i thought i shouldn't so soon

Posted
i want to be able to be a little feisty, be a man like i used to be in this relationship

 

Jay, it's wonderful to hear you and your ex are making good progress! Keep acting the way you are now -- but definitely be "feisty" and even flirty with her - woman love that because it shows you are confident and happy.

 

Also Jay, I think it's great how you're handling her attempts to 'fish' for "little compliments" like she used to get ...believe me, it's killing her (in a good way ;)) that you're not falling for the bait!

 

It's still to early to get back together for good...keep her guessing, don't always be there when she calls you...or let her know you can only talk for a few minutes because you were about to go out - and stick to it!

 

End the call with something like "Hey, I really gotta go so I'm not late, it was nice to talk with you, later!" The key is to hang up without committing yourself to calling her back. And don't call her back for awhile - or better yet, wait for her to contact you (she will) and continue to be somewhat aloof when she asks what you've been up too! :cool:

 

If you trust that you can keep it casual, go ahead and ask your ex girlfriend out on a non date and go somewhere that you both can have fun together - a movie, hiking, bowling, miniature golf, dancing, etc.

 

If your ex gf wants to talk or vent about problems or issues, let it happen...

 

But tell her that you really just wanted to get together with her for some fun and that you don't want to get caught up in the past. The non date should have the same feel as when you both first started dating - just hanging out & enjoying time together! This is a great time to show her your flirtatious side ...but you MUST also remain somewhat mysterious about everything going on in your life right now.

 

I'm excited for you - she's a lucky gal to get a second chance with you! Warmest wishes! Ali :)

Posted

I had a LDR fallout and it has not diminished my feelings about it. I dont believe Mr, Right will always be next door, in my hometown so to speak. if you get a chance to read my post when its over you cant do anything about it. However, you seem as a caring person. Just dont put al your eggs on this shaky basket so to speak.

LDR's are hard enough you need someone as dedicated as you are,

still dont be very available,you are someone of value and she has to recognize that or lose you forever, thats just the way you have to be, confident. Best of luck!

  • Author
Posted

so far she has contacted me every day to talk both online and on the phone, she is still a little distant but she always says i love you, i try to be quick on the phone and if she mentions homework or anything i say well il let u go im going to go eat or something to that nature, i have been maybe a little too available, but im not giving in yet, i am planning to see her in a few weeks when i move, she brought it up of course first but then has not mentioned it much since, which confuses me, well this is the last chance anyway, if she doesnt decide to see me when i move close i wont pursue this relationship anymore, because it seems like i give 100% and she gives 10.

  • Author
Posted

ok so today i talked to her again, we are starting to get close again but she is distant to say the least, when i move out near where she lives it is still quite a drive and we got into a discussion, see she still lives with her parents and they are very controlling, and the only way i can see her this time is if i pick her up on the way and we were planning to see each other for a few day's, then we talked about maybe trying to meet half way in the future, i know i shouldnt have gotten into this but i hate being in limbo, it is going to be very hard for her to get the days off and with her money situation and with her parents, i dont know what to do, i mean we devoloped a lot of our relationship through the phone and online so i mean im kind of scared im just prolonging the pain, i mean basically i am not going to pressure her about the visit, i will give her a date and if she can make the arrangements than i will come pick her up, but the fact is it seems so unworkable, i mean without her parents involved they discourage her from getting loans and they want her to do it the hard way, but the fact is she has very little money, and i don't know what the heck to do, i know its easy to give up because i think she see's the reality and she kinda see's it like we are in a relationship but how will it work not really sure, i mean it will still be a long distance relationship even if we are that far away, i wish there is something i could give her like a necklace or a token that reminds her what we have and that her parents shouldnt be able to destroy it or anything else, but maybe she realizes she's not in love anymore, idk though then, i think she is but the circumstances are unbearable, maybe i should just go with the flow, though deep down i know i will be devasted if she doesn't see me, which is looking more likely, i mean would it make sense to go 2 hours out the way just to see her for 2 days and have to get a hotel, im not desperate i just love her and know her situation, and i want to make it easy for her, i know im the one who is always doing the fixing, any advice appreciated

Posted

she sure is lucky to have somone so dedicated.

I understand you would to give her a token, does it have to cost money ?

I have a stick we picked up on a walk one day in my car so I always think of my LDR man and his pic in my living room and bedroom.

Could you make her a CD of your special songs to listen to ?

Two hours travel for two days is not so bad. I have to travel 8 hours to see my man .

And if things do not work out, as you are giving 100% at the very least you will not have to reproach yourself that you could have done more.

good luck

  • Author
Posted

some days she seems closer and days like today she seems so distant, calls me 5 minutes before she is doing something, or while she is doing something and then i call her and she doesn't answer, this doesn't seem like a person who is committed to earning my trust or the relationship back, she takes me for granted, i know i was the one in the first place who said we shouldn't even talk for awhile but she insisted and now it seems like everything is on her terms.

  • Author
Posted

i am the type of person that doesnt like this uncertain thing, how should i make it seem without being demanding that im not just going to come visit her if she is not committed to making it work, i mean really commited, not this im not dating anyone else but committed in the sense of her friends need to know, i cant be a secret, just because its awkward, and a lot of her friends think it wont work so that wears down on her either way thats not the point, i dont want to get the i want to be with you but i dont know if it will work, i want her to say it and mean it, is there anyway of easing into that talk, we have had it before but we never get far. but if i am within driving distance of her in the near future and for the next few months until she makes money i do the bulk of the driving and she pays for my hotel, then that would be fine but i need to know that this isn't just some game, like basically "friends with benefits" or talk to me when u please or that kind of game

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