Ryuokashi Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 To sum up: Met a girl 3.5 months ago. Everything was great. She was very scared at first because of bad outcomes in past relationships and her being hurt. Specifically her last relationship. She was engaged, he cheated on her with a stripper, she took him back, he left her again for another woman. When we first started dating, the first time she told me she loved me, she told me how scared she was and asked me to promise that I never leave her. She has told me she's never met another man like myself and I'm the first one she's ever seen having a real future with. Fast forward, everything is great. We are best friends, lovers, and partners. I've never met anyone like her, and she tells me she feels likewise. We start making plans to move in with each other at the beginning of next year, etc. Over Labor Day weekend we take a trip to visit her sister in TX. Everything was good. We get back and have a BBQ at her parents the next day. Everything is good (from my perspective). We're going to bed that night and she asks if she can ask me a question. I say of course, you know we can talk about anything. She asks if I miss being single. I tell her no, I've found what I always wanted. She breaks out all of this stuff about being confused, doesn't know what she wants, she loves and cares (she repeated this several times) for me but can't love me back the way I love her. She needs space, so we're breaking up. I'm crushed, and blind sided, but I've learned in the past to have a spine. Tell her to get her things and she needs to leave right now. I gather the rest of her things in the morning and drop them off at her porch (I called in and she was at work). She tells me she's upset I gave back the pictures she put up of us around my apartment and that she still has them up at her place. I tell her I don't really want those reminders, or any reminders, around me. Delete all pics on computer, etc, basically buckling down for a major disconnect. Also remove her from my Myspace (I hate myspace, but find it to be a necessary evil in my social enviornment). Not to be malicious, but its just another reminder. Not two minutes later I get a message telling me that stings....Inform her again its nothing personal, but she's the one that has left me. I've learned from my past that this sucks but I'm not going to torture myself over these things anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I let her know if she thinks she can just dump me and now we're going to be buddies she's dead wrong. I told her she asked for space, I'm giving it to her, and I need my space too. Not that I would never talk to her again, but I plan on keeping my distance for now. This was just this past Monday, mind you. So after our last brief convo I go no contact. I feel this is best for me at the moment, and for her as well (she's the one that wanted space). I go invisible on Yahoo messenger (she's got a Blackberry so we used that a lot when she was at work), so I can still see her, but she can't see me. Her status changed yesterday to "In ER" and then to "In hospital". I checked her myspace and status said "Bored, hate being the patient and not the nurse" (she's a nurse). I was contemplating contacting her, but figure it must not be too serious if she can still update her Myspace. Still going no contact. So tonight I'm laying on the couch watching a movie and receive a text from her, "Just thought you'd like to know I'm in hospital. Will be here until at least Monday. Cause still unknown". Haven't returned her message. What do you guys suppose is going on here? I really think she left me because she is so damned scared of completely opening up and being hurt again, but like I said she has also blind sided with me this and I'm prepared to move on (have already started). I love this girl, and I would give this another go, but I'm not going to be a doormat. Why is she contacting me? Is she reaching out, or just not adjusted to not having me around everyday to talk to? She has said she's never been close to anyone in her life the way she was close to me. Should I contact her back, or keep ignoring her. My heart aches because as I said I love her and she is in the hospital, but I'm unsure of her motivation and whether or not I should stick to my guns here. Input appreciated.
foxh1234 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 To sum up: Met a girl 3.5 months ago. Everything was great. She was very scared at first because of bad outcomes in past relationships and her being hurt. Specifically her last relationship. She was engaged, he cheated on her with a stripper, she took him back, he left her again for another woman. When we first started dating, the first time she told me she loved me, she told me how scared she was and asked me to promise that I never leave her. She has told me she's never met another man like myself and I'm the first one she's ever seen having a real future with. Fast forward, everything is great. We are best friends, lovers, and partners. I've never met anyone like her, and she tells me she feels likewise. We start making plans to move in with each other at the beginning of next year, etc. Over Labor Day weekend we take a trip to visit her sister in TX. Everything was good. We get back and have a BBQ at her parents the next day. Everything is good (from my perspective). We're going to bed that night and she asks if she can ask me a question. I say of course, you know we can talk about anything. She asks if I miss being single. I tell her no, I've found what I always wanted. She breaks out all of this stuff about being confused, doesn't know what she wants, she loves and cares (she repeated this several times) for me but can't love me back the way I love her. She needs space, so we're breaking up. I'm crushed, and blind sided, but I've learned in the past to have a spine. Tell her to get her things and she needs to leave right now. I gather the rest of her things in the morning and drop them off at her porch (I called in and she was at work). She tells me she's upset I gave back the pictures she put up of us around my apartment and that she still has them up at her place. I tell her I don't really want those reminders, or any reminders, around me. Delete all pics on computer, etc, basically buckling down for a major disconnect. Also remove her from my Myspace (I hate myspace, but find it to be a necessary evil in my social enviornment). Not to be malicious, but its just another reminder. Not two minutes later I get a message telling me that stings....Inform her again its nothing personal, but she's the one that has left me. I've learned from my past that this sucks but I'm not going to torture myself over these things anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I let her know if she thinks she can just dump me and now we're going to be buddies she's dead wrong. I told her she asked for space, I'm giving it to her, and I need my space too. Not that I would never talk to her again, but I plan on keeping my distance for now. This was just this past Monday, mind you. So after our last brief convo I go no contact. I feel this is best for me at the moment, and for her as well (she's the one that wanted space). I go invisible on Yahoo messenger (she's got a Blackberry so we used that a lot when she was at work), so I can still see her, but she can't see me. Her status changed yesterday to "In ER" and then to "In hospital". I checked her myspace and status said "Bored, hate being the patient and not the nurse" (she's a nurse). I was contemplating contacting her, but figure it must not be too serious if she can still update her Myspace. Still going no contact. So tonight I'm laying on the couch watching a movie and receive a text from her, "Just thought you'd like to know I'm in hospital. Will be here until at least Monday. Cause still unknown". Haven't returned her message. What do you guys suppose is going on here? I really think she left me because she is so damned scared of completely opening up and being hurt again, but like I said she has also blind sided with me this and I'm prepared to move on (have already started). I love this girl, and I would give this another go, but I'm not going to be a doormat. Why is she contacting me? Is she reaching out, or just not adjusted to not having me around everyday to talk to? She has said she's never been close to anyone in her life the way she was close to me. Should I contact her back, or keep ignoring her. My heart aches because as I said I love her and she is in the hospital, but I'm unsure of her motivation and whether or not I should stick to my guns here. Input appreciated. Contact her, she's in the hospital. It could be something bad. Forget NC while she is in the friggin hospital. Go find out if she is alright.
BCCA Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Contact her, she's in the hospital. It could be something bad. Forget NC while she is in the friggin hospital. Go find out if she is alright. Agreed. Worry about your next move when she's out. For now, it would be really cold hearted to ignore her, even though I see where you're coming from.
Author Ryuokashi Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Ok, so I asked her what was wrong. Her doctor thought at first it was stomach flu, but isn't sure now. She's in pain and has been very dehydrated, but she said she's ok. I let her know I hope she feels better soon and it isn't anything serious. She said, "Thanks" I really hate this crap. My heart tells me I should go see her or send flowers or something, but my brain says its best to just keep your distance as those things won't do any good and just set me back in the little progress I've made so far. I do not mean to be cold hearted. I do love this girl, and deep down want to be with her again, but she is the one who left me and as a matter of self respect why would I want someone who tells me they do not want me in return?
wareagle Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You did your part. Now go NC again! She is going to be fine nothing serious. If she wants to be with you she knows where you are and will stop at nothing to be with you! Don't let her play games with you! You seem like a level headed guy who knows what needs to be done and will do the right thing. Goodluck man!!
BCCA Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Ok, so I asked her what was wrong. Her doctor thought at first it was stomach flu, but isn't sure now. She's in pain and has been very dehydrated, but she said she's ok. I let her know I hope she feels better soon and it isn't anything serious. She said, "Thanks" I really hate this crap. My heart tells me I should go see her or send flowers or something, but my brain says its best to just keep your distance as those things won't do any good and just set me back in the little progress I've made so far. I do not mean to be cold hearted. I do love this girl, and deep down want to be with her again, but she is the one who left me and as a matter of self respect why would I want someone who tells me they do not want me in return? If it was me, and please - do what you want, I would drive down there with some flowers and say hi. Make sure she's ok, bring a couple girly magazines for her (Im sure you know which ones Im talking about). You dont have to run over there in tears and hold her hand 24/7, but it wouldnt hurt to spend 30min to make sure shes fine. She's in the hospital and needs some support. Worry about NC when she's better. Think worse case scenario and how you would feel if something (GOD FORBID!!!) tragic was to happen and you were too stubborn to see her one last time.
sid3 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I agree with War on this. She left you. Her situation is sad, but will you always be there for here in the future. Dude your first post was clearly written by a guy who's learned from past breakups on how not to act. I think you did the right thing by checking on her, leave it at that and go back to the excellent mindest you had from the start.
Author Ryuokashi Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 After some debating with myself I went to the hospital. I did not take flowers, but I did take her the Sunday paper. I know how boring it is to be in a hospital. I was in and out within 15 minutes, and most of that was travel time. She was asleep when I got to her room. I was just going to write on a note on the paper, but decided to wake her to let her know I was there. I said Hi, I brought you a paper, I know being in the hospital sucks, I hope you feel better soon, etc. She said Thanks. I left her to go back to sleep. I don't plan on contacting her anymore right now.
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