LDRs: which ones work, which ones don't... and why so many fail..

[j_hunt_12]

I'm bored and want to write my opinion on LDRs.... Studying abroad a lot and having a lot of friends in all types of LDRs, Americans and others, I've been able to observe which ones generally work and which ones don't. These are my observations on the topic.

 

LDRs that work: Serious relationships where there are some long-term plans, usually where both people are in a "settle-down" mode, and where both parties are willing to make an effort to be together. Just like non-LDRs, when there is a lot of communication and each person tries to get to know each others and even each others families and friends etc. etc. it is usually a good sign for a relationship. I've seen that LDRs that work are usually relationships in which both parties are thinking of marriage at least a little.

 

LDR's that don't work: I meet so many poor people that are holding on to LDRs in which they are only writing there SO once a month or something like that, or only one person is doing everything. Usually, one person is taking it seriously, maybe, and the other is probably (not always though) not even considering him or herself in a relationship. Even for a short time period, I've seen many people just kind of lose touch when they have to be in an LDR a while and then they usually break-up after a short time apart or break-up right when they are back together in real life. This is because communication is always key, even for those who have been together for real for months or even years. This doesn't mean these are just bad people, just people that are not willing to settle down or make large sacrifices for his or her SO- and yes the sacrifice is usually huge.

 

So I've seen that the key points are communication and taking the relationship seriously, and much depends on personal qualities of each person in the relationship. Many people just tend to involve themselves in relationships as a mutually beneficial game (most of the time, simply for physical reasons), but don't take the relationship very seriously in any long-term way. There is a "we are both here so let's get together" attitude among these people (and these CAN and often do develop into serious commitments with time as well). There is NOTHING wrong with this kind of relationship IMO and I wouldn't even say that there is less love in these types of relationships, but if definitely does not work for an LDR. Most people don't understand whether their relationship is a serious commitment or just kind of a play thing, therefore very many LDRs fail quickly because people go into it thinking it is serious although it is not and they don't figure it out until they are apart a while. But if a relationship is actually a serious commitment, I'd say an LDR has a fair chance for survival, at least as fair a chance as any other long-term serious relationship.