Damned if I do, damned if I don't!

[Trialbyfire]

I never said there was, why are you telling ME that?

 

I am sharing what works for me, like other women have shared what works for them.

 

For me it doens't work to chase a man, nor will I ever do that. I am quite happy letting a guy come to me and letting him take the initiative, it makes me feel feminine it makes me feel sexy to be chased by a guy and not the other way around. I mean really we are women exactly HOW MUCH do we have to convince men to pay attention to us?

 

A guy will pay attention to any woman who comes on to him but you want to get the right kind of attention, well at least I do.

 

I am quite happy with the guy paying at the end of a date if he asked me out and I am also quite happy with thim having enough respect to firm up plans before the day of the date, and if at the end of the night he drops me off at home and I don't invite him in because I just don't do that, he won't take offense to that he will actually appreciate that and want to see me the following time around. I set my ground and HE follows.

 

So really who is doing the choosing here?

 

It's all in how you wanna look at it really...

 

Would say then just go for what you feel and let the chips fall where they may? And so should she just start pursuing all the time hoping that men will go for it or what?

The bolded portion is what I'm referring to.

 

As for what works with individual women, the chips will truly fall where they may. I suspect that reliant on how the man reacts, will define how Star reacts. As long as she follows her gut instincts v. fighting her instincts, whatever happens will happen.

 

I'm like you in that I prefer men to pursue. We maybe different after entering into a relationship. I need consistency after that. If I don't get it, I'm out.

[Jilly Bean]

Wow. I can't believe how this has devolved...

 

Bottom line, there are women that like to chase, and there are men that like to chase.

 

There are women who like to be pursued, and there are men that like to be pursued.

 

If you are dating your complement, then your dating strategy will work (ie if you are a woman who prefers to chase men and you are dating a guy who likes to be chased, then thing should progress nicely in this regard...)

 

If not, then it's going to blow up.

 

It's as simple as that.

 

No one way is right or wrong - it comes down to marrying your preferred dating style.

 

I still won't call a guy, though.

[Star Gazer]

Why are you getting so defensive? :laugh:

 

I'm not. I'm just tired of answering that same question over and over again.

[Tomcat33]

The bolded portion is what I'm referring to.

 

 

Yes the bolded part was a question I made specifically to the men that sit on either side of the fence because I am curious to see how they feel a girl should go about it, from their prespective that's all. It was just curiosity on my part I was not asking for the meaning of LIFE. But it was a question for the guys...

So I am not sure why you responded this then?

 

 

TC, I don't think there's a methodology that needs to be cast in stone, even solely for Star, nvm anyone else. It will rely on intuitive knowledge of the individuals involved.

 

I specifically said "guys what do you think then" so not sure why you answered to that!?!?

 

 

As for what works with individual women, the chips will truly fall where they may. I suspect that reliant on how the man reacts, will define how Star reacts. As long as she follows her gut instincts v. fighting her instincts, whatever happens will happen.

 

I'm like you in that I prefer men to pursue. We maybe different after entering into a relationship. I need consistency after that. If I don't get it, I'm out.

 

 

 

Well that's a weird assumption on your part, where do get that I don't need consistency or stability once I am in a relationship with a man? Because I don't like to chase in the initial stages that means I don't want consistency!?!?

[Trialbyfire]

Whoah TC, you're jumping to conclusions as to my thoughts! I'm giving you where I stand on pursuit tied into relationships. Nothing more.

[Tomcat33]

But I had said

 

Ok so there seems to be a lot of conflicting opinions coming from the men who stand on either sand of the fence. So to make this thread more comprehensive and to tackle the issue head on, because if men do sit on either side of the fence and some like to be chased and others don't how do you men propose a woman behave that likes to do either, like in Star's case? What kind of solution do you propose on how to make the right move with the right guy?

 

So why did you respond this:

 

 

TC, I don't think there's a methodology that needs to be cast in stone, even solely for Star, nvm anyone else. It will rely on intuitive knowledge of the individuals involved.

 

 

I wasn't even talking to you I spefically said MEN HOW DO YOU PROPOSE....

 

I am curious to see how men see this, is that OK? Before you and Star both jumped down my throats for nothing? Read first maybe?

[Trialbyfire]

I honestly wasn't jumping down your throat. Seriously. Just responding.

 

I'll remember to never respond unless you're directly addressing me.

[IrishCarBomb]

I wasn't even talking to you I spefically said MEN HOW DO YOU PROPOSE....

 

I am curious to see how men see this, is that OK? Before you and Star both jumped down my throats for nothing? Read first maybe?

 

TC, I don't think there's a methodology that needs to be cast in stone, even solely for Star, nvm anyone else. It will rely on intuitive knowledge of the individuals involved.

[Tomcat33]

I honestly wasn't jumping down your throat. Seriously. Just responding.

 

I'll remember to never respond unless you're directly addressing me.

 

 

No no no that is not what I mean either c'mon I hate these misunderstandings it seemed like the tone was misintepreted on my part then. Ok I apologise.

 

I was really just wanting to see how the guys responded that's all because if some sit on one end of the spectrum and others on the complete opposite how is a girl to act? According to THEM.

 

According to me I know how I act I give a ratz ass what a guy expects if he wants to be chased then he is not for me because he will hit a wall with me so... But for the type of woman that enjoys doing both I was just intersted in seeing what these guys had to say.

[Tomcat33]

TC, I don't think there's a methodology that needs to be cast in stone, even solely for Star, nvm anyone else. It will rely on intuitive knowledge of the individuals involved.

 

 

:lmao: Funny.

 

 

I guess it's safe to assume you are the type that sits back and has to be spoon fed a date by a woman.

[Trialbyfire]

No no no that is not what I mean either c'mon I hate these misunderstandings it seemed like the tone was misintepreted on my part then. Ok I apologise.

 

I was really just wanting to see how the guys responded that's all because if some sit on one end of the spectrum and others on the complete opposite how is a girl to act? According to THEM.

 

According to me I know how I act I give a ratz ass what a guy expects if he wants to be chased then he is not for me because he will hit a wall with me so... But for the type of woman that enjoys doing both I was just intersted in seeing what these guys had to say.

Peace!!

[Lishy]

I personally would NEVER call a man, never never never - For me it never works out when I have done.

 

But if it works for others then do it!

 

It is personal choice, and Tomcat, I totally agree with what you have said.

[djhall]

I suspect everyone here thinks both women and men should take some level of initiative when interested, and most of us are really debating the extent to which an acceptable level of initiative for a man is also an acceptable level of initiative for a woman, and whether any particular act is more forward coming from a woman than from a man.

 

Some people seem to believe that a woman making eye contact with a man and smiling at him expresses the same level of interest and initiative as a man asking a woman out on a date. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that if we are all playing by the same set of rules and communicate in the same way.

 

I know I am unusual in this respect, and I have a flirting-impaired thread which seems to confirm it, but if a woman makes eye contact and smiles at me, I am going to mirror her by smiling and making eye contact back, and I'm not going to see anything communicated at all in this exchange except perhaps that you and I are both friendly and polite. Somone else might think she was expressing strong interest and communicating clearly.

 

Is it possible most of us are generally on the same page in principle, but in disagreement about how "interested" woman is being compared to a man when she does the exact same thing?

[Star Gazer]

I was really just wanting to see how the guys responded

 

All but one man in this thread - if you read it - have agreed with me. they either don't mind, or actually enjoy, the woman putting forth some effort, contacting them, etc.

 

The fact of the matter is that if they're on the fence about you, or you them, nearly anything you do can push them over the edge into no-longer-interested grounds. Do I care about doing "the wrong" thing with such people? No. Who wants to be with someone who'd be on the fence with you anyway?

[IrishCarBomb]

:lmao: Funny.

 

 

I guess it's safe to assume you are the type that sits back and has to be spoon fed a date by a woman.

 

You'd probably assume that, but based on your other assumptions around here I don't take it as an insult.

 

I was pointing out that her words were pretty accurate. If you feel it, feel free to call. If you don't, then don't. It's pretty simple.

[vonerik012]

All but one man in this thread - if you read it - have agreed with me. they either don't mind, or actually enjoy, the woman putting forth some effort, contacting them, etc.

The fact of the matter is that if they're on the fence about you, or you them, nearly anything you do can push them over the edge into no-longer-interested grounds. Do I care about doing "the wrong" thing with such people? No. Who wants to be with someone who'd be on the fence with you anyway?

 

LOL,, I love how things are now switched to merely "The woman putting some effort in" After your first initial post in which all the men told you except "dave" that you calling them after a first date would be a turn off.

[Ariadne]

approach

ask for their number

call them

plan a date

pick them up

pay

and drop them off.

Men do it all the time.

 

This is exactly what "chaser men" do and it never works.

 

Women might go for a good time but it wouldn't create interest.

 

Then they get all disappointed that women use them.

[Tomcat33]

All but one man in this thread - if you read it - have agreed with me. they either don't mind, or actually enjoy, the woman putting forth some effort, contacting them, etc.

 

 

I have read it, but some men claimed it was pending on whether they were really interested in the woman.

So if a guy is not going to be interested why pursue him to seal the deal!?!? That makes no sense to me, why ME put all that effort into pursuing him if he might not even be interested. Better let him do the work and that way I know for sure he is interested. I have better things to do than to find out if a guy is into me or not??!? Like being alone.

[Tomcat33]

This is exactly what "chaser men" do and it never works.

 

Women might go for a good time but it wouldn't create interest.

 

Then they get all disappointed that women use them.

 

 

Whaaaat? Yes it does!! That's how it's always worked for me!! And I was not there to use any guy I was genuinely intersted in them.

C'mon that is a really bold statement you are making that is simply not true.

[vonerik012]

TC, you are making too much logical sense..

 

Aridane, how does it work then? You do the asking and taking them out?

[Star Gazer]

So if a guy is not going to be interested why pursue him to seal the deal!?!? That makes no sense to me, why ME put all that effort into pursuing him if he might not even be interested. Better let him do the work and that way I know for sure he is interested. I have better things to do than to find out if a guy is into me or not??!? Like being alone.

 

Why not? What's the harm in a phone call? And what's "all that effort into pursuing" that you're referring to? One way to know if he's not interested IS to call him. If he doesn't respond, he either (1) is easily turned off, which is not okay by me, or (2) isn't interested. Either way, I know.

 

Even if a guy is pursuing you, you can never be certain WHY he's interested in you and what his real intentions are. Nothing's ever certain. So why not just go with what feels right? To me, it feels right to contact someone I'm interested in.

[Ariadne]

Whaaaat? Yes it does!! That's how it's always worked for me!! And I was not there to use any guy I was genuinely intersted in them.

C'mon that is a really bold statement you are making that is simply not true.

 

Well, you were probably interested in them before.

 

Not some guy out of the blue come up and ask for a phone number and start wooing you.

[djhall]

how do you men propose a woman behave that likes to do either, like in Star's case?

The same I would propose a man behaves... with moderation.

 

Take the initiative and see how he reacts. If he responds positively but doesn't take over, go ahead and run with it. If he does not respond well, back off. If he takes over and starts taking the initiative himself, let him. If he later backs off, go back to the top of this paragraph, take the intiative again and see how he reacts. Think of the initiative as a give and take, a back and forth... to use a sports analogy, a partner should be more like the other player in a game of tennis, where we both cooperate to keep the set going, than the green on a golf course, where you exist primarily as a challenge for me to use to demonstrate what a great player I am.

[Star Gazer]

I was pointing out that her words were pretty accurate. If you feel it, feel free to call. If you don't, then don't. It's pretty simple.

 

Exactly. Another guy agreeing with me. Thanks.

 

LOL,, I love how things are now switched to merely "The woman putting some effort in" After your first initial post in which all the men told you except "dave" that you calling them after a first date would be a turn off.

 

Huh? You're the ONLY guy in this ENTIRE thread that is saying that it would be a turn off. The ONLY guy saying that. Re-read. The rest say that the girl should call if she wants.

[Star Gazer]

The same I would propose a man behaves... with moderation.

 

Take the initiative and see how he reacts. If he responds positively but doesn't take over, go ahead and run with it. If he does not respond well, back off. If he takes over and starts taking the initiative himself, let him. If he later backs off, go back to the top of this paragraph, take the intiative again and see how he reacts. Think of the initiative as a give and take, a back and forth... to use a sports analogy, a partner should be more like the other player in a game of tennis, where we both cooperate to keep the set going, than the green on a golf course, where you exist primarily as a challenge for me to use to demonstrate what a great player I am.

 

Precisely. I've said the same exact things in this thread.

 

Great analogy too.