Trialbyfire Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I wouldn't say I necessarily wait for a woman to call, but if spontaneously I get a call from her, and she asked what I was doing that weekend etc, I wouldn't be pushed away, it'd be flattering / nice to know she was giving the feedback and showing interest. I wouldn't date you Vonerik012. Neither would most women for many, many reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I figured Davey realized you weren't that into him and decided not to keep sniffing after you. I took it as a sign of self-confidence (on his part). You were never that enthused by this guy in the first place. Maybe he figured you'd be more interested if you actually had to work to catch his attention this time. People tend to value what they had to earn. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 It's been my experience that men - at least the men I'm attracted to - typically do not respond well to pushy women. It turns them off. Whether it's intended or not, they perceive female pushiness as emasculating. And calling a man after a date is perceived as pushy. The only time it works is when he's already totally besotted with you and there's nothing you can do about it, literally! No matter what you do, he's going to come after you. If the man likes the woman, he will call. If she feels the need to call him first, it might be fine, or it might kind of turn him off. It will never change how he feels about her for the better. So why even call? I agree with both those comments. The bottom line is really the bolded part, why even bother it will never make him like you more so why even call? That is a good question. I find some women complain about men that dissapear suddenly or that wanted sex only etc. and if you chase a guy most guys will go along because who doesn't like being chased? and then he will get what he needs (it's being given to him on a silver platter anyway) and split because he didn't have to do any work for it so why not take everything being offered to him? And then women complain that they were dissed. Well some women sort of force guys to diss them, they don't allow the guys to develop a natural attraction for them they sort of force them to show attraction and misinterpret that as something else. I would never chase, never have and never will no matter how much I like a guy. In my experience when a guy wants you there ain't NOTHING stopping him from going after you. Nothing! When a man wants a woman he will go to great lengths to have what he wants. Why kid yourself into thinking that you pursuing him is actually doing him some kind of favour, it isn't you really are killing the attraction by doing that. Unless of course you only want sex with a guy then you should pursue him, pick and choose who you want to have sex with I have no problem with that. If he is too shy to pursue me then that's even better that I don't chase because it rules him out since I don't go for shy guys, so it's still a win win for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Read this - and start at Page 11: http://books.google.com/books?id=Q5CJKeDiob0C&pg=PA21&lpg=PA21&dq=%22men+are+distancers%22&source=web&ots=K6BVbJ-4XL&sig=gDEamkmtlCtxJw6HtJGBik_ZekE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA11,M1 Most women are pursuers, whereas most men are distancers. It made a ton of sense to me. I'm rebumping this post. While I'm uncertain if I agree on some of the methodologies suggested in the book, I have to say that it's a good way to self-analyze how each member views themselves and relationships. Within this thread alone, I can see a number of members who could and should take the tests, to define which role(s) they play within past relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I agree with both those comments. The bottom line is really the bolded part, why even bother it will never make him like you more so why even call? That is a good question. I find some women complain about men that dissapear suddenly or that wanted sex only etc. and if you chase a guy most guys will go along because who doesn't like being chased? and then he will get what he needs (it's being given to him on a silver platter anyway) and split because he didn't have to do any work for it so why not take everything being offered to him? And then women complain that they were dissed. Well some women sort of force guys to diss them, they don't allow the guys to develop a natural attraction for them they sort of force them to show attraction and misinterpret that as something else. I would never chase, never have and never will no matter how much I like a guy. In my experience when a guy wants you there ain't NOTHING stopping him from going after you. Nothing! When a man wants a woman he will go to great lengths to have what he wants. Why kid yourself into thinking that you pursuing him is actually doing him some kind of favour, it isn't you really are killing the attraction by doing that. Unless of course you only want sex with a guy then you should pursue him, pick and choose who you want to have sex with I have no problem with that. If he is too shy to pursue me then that's even better that I don't chase because it rules him out since I don't go for shy guys, so it's still a win win for me. Exactly...Why is this hard for some women to understand? If a guy does not call you, or touch you, he IS NOT INTO YOU. At best, if you pursue him, he might have some sex with you. If he is the passive type, he might do this for a while as it is easy and convenient. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Neither would most women for many, many reasons. Thats fine.. I only need one.. I do not plan on coming into contact with most women on earth anyway. And do we really need to read books or take tests to decide on if we should call a girl back for a date, or if she should call lol. If it is that hard, it might be time to give up. Link to post Share on other sites
likestolaugh Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 as a man, I don't see anything wrong with a woman chasing me... I mean, what greater complement could there be?? Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 No doubt, it is nice and easy for the man.. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Just like in the subsequent relationship, communication early on should be open and bi-directional. If you encounter someone who deliberately does not call when they actually want to be in contact, then that's the kind of person who you will probably have a hard time with later on. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 I also skimmed over the article.. I do agree that women are more often the pursuers, in that once in a relationship they might want more of a commitment, where as the man might be the distancer. More afraid of commitment. However, this is vastly different than the woman being the pursuer in all situations. This is not the same type of pursuing as in chasing men, asking them out, calling them after first dates, not taking no for an answer if he says he is not interested, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Share Posted September 7, 2008 However, this is vastly different than the woman being the pursuer in all situations. This is not the same type of pursuing as in chasing men, asking them out, calling them after first dates, not taking no for an answer if he says he is not interested, etc. AGAIN, not what I've suggested AT ALL, and you know it. You already said there's not an issue here, why are you trying to twist things around??? Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Ok, then tell us the validity of the article you posted in relation to everything else you mentioned in your thread.. What does this article mean to you in relation to calling men after a first date, or them calling you, and Dave, and how some men would be turned off, and some men would not be turned off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Share Posted September 7, 2008 Ok, then tell us the validity of the article you posted in relation to everything else you mentioned in your thread.. What does this article mean to you in relation to calling men after a first date, or them calling you, and Dave, and how some men would be turned off, and some men would not be turned off? I'm not here to debate with you, VON. We've already addressed ALL of these issues IN THIS THREAD at YOUR insistence. I'm not going to repeat myself - go read it and get over it already. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 And I can't think of 1 good reason a WOMAN would not pursue a man SHE is interested in. Double standards and ancient gender roles don't exist in my world. Yeah, it seems you used the article to further your belief that women should pursue men from the get go. You saw the word "pursue" and obviously felt that means pursue men, lol. Thats why I pointed out the different way in that I interpreted the article.. Women pursue a commitment once in a relationship, more so than the man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Share Posted September 7, 2008 Yeah, it seems you used the article to further your belief that women should pursue men from the get go. You saw the word "pursue" and obviously felt that means pursue men, lol. Thats why I pointed out the different way in that I interpreted the article.. Women pursue a commitment once in a relationship, more so than the man. Show me where I said that the BOOK says that women SHOULD pursue. You can't, because I didn't say it. What I said was that most women are natural pursuers when it comes to their behavior in relationships, and that most men are distancers. This is true both in dating/courtship, as well as once in a relationship. You'd know this if you actually bothered to read and understand what I say and what the book says. You're a cheater and enable others to cheat. I can't take anything you say about RELATIONSHIPS seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Yeah, it seems you used the article to further your belief that women should pursue men from the get go. You saw the word "pursue" and obviously felt that means pursue men, lol. Thats why I pointed out the different way in that I interpreted the article.. Women pursue a commitment once in a relationship, more so than the man. No, As a woman I always pick my men. There hasn't been one single time that a guy I didn't pick pursued me and I ended up liking him. No matter how many antics they used to get my attention, it didn't work. At the most I'd just have sex with them like some men whore and never even become attached or interested. It works much better with the woman pursuing the man, once the woman gets the get go from the man (he tries to get her attention). I believe the real men are the ones that get chased by women. And not some guy jumping ropes to get some girl's attention and being ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. He responded immediately, and said he was surprised to hear from me. Why? He said, "Well, I figured if you were into me, you'd call me. I didn't want to push the issue." By Dave's rules, if a girl is into a guy, SHE contacts HIM. Okay. On the other hand, certain guys - such as the text dumper, or other guys who I AM/WAS into - don't want to be called. They want to have the upper hand. By TD's rules, if a guy is into a girl, HE calls HER. If she preempts this act by calling him first, he's turned off. In other words, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I say: Do whatever the eff feels right TO YOU. The right person will pick up what you're puttin' down. Your original post is all about pursuing in the initial stages...First few calls.(read above) You then feel that there should be no rules, due to Daves strange comment. You then post a link (seemingly to back up your view), that women are naturally pursuers. However, how does that relate to your original thread? The book states women are pursuers ONCE IN A RELATIONSHIP. The type of pursuing in your original thread is about the first few calls. That is a completely different type of pursuing. Women ARE NOT natural pursuers in that manner, nor does the book state that. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Ariadine, what do you mean by pursuing men? You ask them out and call them? After a first date you are calling them the next day making future plans? That seems to be the type of pursuing this thread is about, if you read the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Actually, I think I am natural pursuer. I'm very driven and focused when I want something, and that extends to men also. However, I don't do it very often with men because I'm afraid of how I will come across. It really irritates me that I am supposed to be passive because that's what society and biology dictate. I would be happier if I could just make the call or whatever and not worry about it. So I'm with Star on this one. Now if only I can get over my own inhibitions.. Link to post Share on other sites
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Cherry explain... So this is the situation... You go on a first date.. You feel it would be better if you would call him the next day to lock up future plans? That would be pursuing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 von, I was talking about you with another member and he said that much of your rhetoric is based on not understanding. I didn't agree with him at the time but I now think he's right. You honestly can't see past the superficial level of any discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Cherry explain... So this is the situation... You go on a first date.. You feel it would be better if you would call him the next day to lock up future plans? That would be pursuing.. No, that's not quite it. I just feel like after a few dates that I should be able to call the guy up. I've had situations where that has been ok, and situations where it turned them off. I feel like they guys in the latter situation were on the fence, so the little things counted more. My point is that I'm a go-getter in other areas of my life, so it can be hard to pull back in romantic situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Ariadine, what do you mean by pursuing men? You ask them out and call them? After a first date you are calling them the next day making future plans? That seems to be the type of pursuing this thread is about, if you read the OP. No, I mean when the guy makes an effort to get the attention but doesn't pursue or very little, and lets the girl make the moves on him. At least that's the "only" way I've become interested in men myself. I can tell when they are showing off or trying to get attention and start considering them, but I like to be the one making the decision. I call the shots and I don't like it when some guy "becomes interested." If like the guy, after an opening of such, I'll let him know I'm interested. And I like a guy that is not eager either, but masculine instead. Actually, it works that way in the animal kingdom. The male shows off with all kinds of displays...and the female notices and goes to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 von, I was talking about you with another member and he said that much of your rhetoric is based on not understanding. I didn't agree with him at the time but I now think he's right. You honestly can't see past the superficial level of any discussion. And he paints with broad strokes. Situations seem to be very black and white with him, almost as if he is an alien describing the human population to the other aliens back home Not that you don't whip out a couple good ones here and there, Von....it's just hard to trust your opinion when there is such an obvious dislike of women coming from your end. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 And he paints with broad strokes. Situations seem to be very black and white with him, almost as if he is an alien describing the human population to the other aliens back home Not that you don't whip out a couple good ones here and there, Von....it's just hard to trust your opinion when there is such an obvious dislike of women coming from your end. But that's just it. His difficulty is that he can't see nuance or depth. It's why he has so much difficulty with women, ascribing behaviours to worse case fantasy scenarios because he's unable to grasp or understand anything beyond the surface. Wow, I must tell this other member how bang on he is with his one-liner. Link to post Share on other sites
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