Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Phone calls are just a barometer. I like a girl who is self-contained and happy in general and still likes me. I get very cautious if I get the impression she has pinned a whole bunch of hopes on me early on, before she even knows me. It's a turn-off because I've suddenly become responsible for her feelings. I don't like that, because I don't like to hurt people. It would be great to find someone who can't be hurt by me very easily. I'd like to think that in the first six months or so it makes almost no difference to her happiness what I do. I'd rather that she suspects I could be a good guy and is willing to take the time to find out. But not all in the first week. This is really good advice, and I suspect a lot of men feel his way.
Legend Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I read some of it and took the tests. It was interesting to see the results. Just got done reading what's there myself. Ordered it on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding/dp/1580624073/ref=sr_11_1/105-5124310-7158052?ie=UTF8&qid=1220741371&sr=11-1) to finish it. Seems like an interesting read. Back on topic, I couldn't be less interested in passive non-assertive women. What fun is a relationship where there's no challenge and everything is your way? I'd much rather be in a relationship with an assertive woman who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. Now, I must be off to LAX and catch my flight to Napa for this week's work. Have a good weekend! (Star, I re-pm'd you)
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Ok, then pursue men.. Whats the issue? There isn't one. You're the one challenging my perspective. I read some of it and took the tests. It was interesting to see the results. Are you a mover-and-shaker?
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Yes I was challenging your perspective. But I did think about it, and realize some women are pursued, some are not. So maybe the ones who are not should at least try something new. Doesn't hurt to try.
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Just got done reading what's there myself. Ordered it on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding/dp/1580624073/ref=sr_11_1/105-5124310-7158052?ie=UTF8&qid=1220741371&sr=11-1) to finish it. Seems like an interesting read. Throw it up in a thread when you're done, if you find it a worthwhile read. Are you a mover-and-shaker? I'm barely either, more distancer than pursuer. I would have assumed it was the other way around. It surprised me too.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 I'm barely either, more distancer than pursuer. I would have assumed it was the other way around. It surprised me too. Actually, I went back and peeked at the questions and see MUCH more of a distancer in you than a pursuer. The reluctance "to invest" is what clued me in.
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Actually, I went back and peeked at the questions and see MUCH more of a distancer in you than a pursuer. The reluctance "to invest" is what clued me in. Logical love FTW!
Jilly Bean Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 After my recent experience with the cop, I have solidified my new dating practice of NEVER initiating contact with men during courtship. I figure this - if he is into me, then he will call. If he is too insecure to call me, EVEN if he is interested, then he is too weinie for me anyhow. Bottom line, the kind of men that attract me are NOT the ones that are waiting for me to call. They are confident, in control, and comfortable in their man role of being the pursuer. So, if this guy is interested, then he's going to call. Period.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 After my recent experience with the cop, I have solidified my new dating practice of NEVER initiating contact with men during courtship. I figure this - if he is into me, then he will call. If he is too insecure to call me, EVEN if he is interested, then he is too weinie for me anyhow. Bottom line, the kind of men that attract me are NOT the ones that are waiting for me to call. They are confident, in control, and comfortable in their man role of being the pursuer. So, if this guy is interested, then he's going to call. Period. EXACTLY. I can't think of 1 good reason a man would not pursue a woman he is interested in.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 EXACTLY. I can't think of 1 good reason a man would not pursue a woman he is interested in. And I can't think of 1 good reason a WOMAN would not pursue a man SHE is interested in. Double standards and ancient gender roles don't exist in my world.
Legend Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 EXACTLY. I can't think of 1 good reason a man would not pursue a woman he is interested in. JESUS Vonerik012 you're completely missing effing point. Star Gazer is merely saying that while a guy can call when/if he's interested, so can a woman. FFS. (on phone in cab)
johan Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 After my recent experience with the cop, I have solidified my new dating practice of NEVER initiating contact with men during courtship. If you dig a new guy and have a bit of hope, you'll call him up. The problem with the cop is that your instincts told you that it was risky and they were right. You just didn't listen to them because you were all filled with evil lust. I figure this - if he is into me, then he will call. If he is too insecure to call me, EVEN if he is interested, then he is too weinie for me anyhow. Double standard. He could easily decide that because you aren't calling him, then you must not be into him. Bottom line, the kind of men that attract me are NOT the ones that are waiting for me to call. They are confident, in control, and comfortable in their man role of being the pursuer. So, if this guy is interested, then he's going to call. Period. Even a confident, in control guy isn't going to make it easy for you. He'll require you to do your part and provide some feedback from you that gives him the idea he's on the right track with you. A confident, in control guy won't spend a lot of time playing phone games with you.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 JESUS Vonerik012 you're completely missing effing point. Star Gazer is merely saying that while a guy can call when/if he's interested, so can a woman. FFS. (on phone in cab) FFS is right!!!
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Even a confident, in control guy isn't going to make it easy for you. He'll require you to do your part and provide some feedback from you that gives him the idea he's on the right track with you. A confident, in control guy won't spend a lot of time playing phone games with you. I totally agree with this. This is why I wait until there's a clear sign of interest on his part (a first or second date) before I start to pursue, to give him that feedback. I need to be chased, but I need to be able to chase right back.
Jilly Bean Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 you were all filled with evil lust. Double standard. He could easily decide that because you aren't calling him, then you must not be into him. Even a confident, in control guy isn't going to make it easy for you. He'll require you to do your part and provide some feedback from you that gives him the idea he's on the right track with you. A confident, in control guy won't spend a lot of time playing phone games with you. Lust is NEVER evil, Johan. And like I said, if the guy is too pussy that he's sitting there thinking Im not into him because I havent called, then hes not my type. My type is confident and WILL call and doesn't view it as a "game", but as his role in courtship. I will continue to practice receptive interest ONLY during courtship.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I totally agree with this. This is why I wait until there's a clear sign of interest on his part (a first or second date) before I start to pursue, to give him that feedback. I need to be chased, but I need to be able to chase right back. LOL, talk about over thinking... Typically it should just flow. And exactly.. The guy must be a pussy if he is waiting for a woman to call him.
johan Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Lust is NEVER evil, Johan. Lust is bad, m'kaay? Never say never, my pretty. Mr. Right will be the guy for whom you are willing to throw out the rule book.
Legend Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I wouldn't say I necessarily wait for a woman to call, but if spontaneously I get a call from her, and she asked what I was doing that weekend etc, I wouldn't be pushed away, it'd be flattering / nice to know she was giving the feedback and showing interest. I wouldn't date you Vonerik012.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Mr. Right will be the guy for whom you are willing to throw out the rule book. Ding ding ding!!! That's all I'm sayin'... (Vonerik - note how ALL the men in this thread are disagreeing with you???)
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 LOL, talk about over thinking... Typically it should just flow. THANK YOU. You just proved my point. Going with the flow means being able to act as one desires, what feels right, without paying attention to, "Oh no! Is this against the rules?!?!?!"
CaliGuy Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. He responded immediately, and said he was surprised to hear from me. Why? He said, "Well, I figured if you were into me, you'd call me. I didn't want to push the issue." By Dave's rules, if a girl is into a guy, SHE contacts HIM. Okay. On the other hand, certain guys - such as the text dumper, or other guys who I AM/WAS into - don't want to be called. They want to have the upper hand. By TD's rules, if a guy is into a girl, HE calls HER. If she preempts this act by calling him first, he's turned off. In other words, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I say: Do whatever the eff feels right TO YOU. The right person will pick up what you're puttin' down. Uhh what century was "Dave" born in. Men call women if they are interested. It's called CHIVALRY!!! To quote Bugs Bunny..... "What a maroon!!"
Legend Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 in ref to those tests, seems I'm a 'pursuer'
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Well, I'm off to get ready for my hot date... one I initiated and the guy gladly welcomed! (And NO, it's not with Dave. )
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Thats fine.. We have differing opinions.. If I take a girl out, and like her, I will pursue her. So it is a non-issue. If she calls me the nest day because she is too impatient, that could put me off. If I do not pursue her, I did not like her. If she called me, it would not help.
Recommended Posts