jerbear Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Hey SG, as other posters mentioned. f the rules and do what you feel is right. I've almost always called regardless of rules or whatever. If she wants to call me, she might get my voicemail!
girlygirl25 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I don't see how it matters to the subject matter of this thread??? Please read the last thread about this guy if you want to readdress that issue. I'm undecided. I was asking because I got the impression you wanted advice on this guy that you texted. I am new so I haven't gotten a chance to read all of your threads. Since it's not guy specific I'd be inclined to say that it doesn't matter who calls. I'm usually not a "chaser" so calling a guy first is probably not something I'd have the guts to do. Props to you though if you feel comfortable doing so. It doesn't matter who does what, if both parties are interested then it won't matter who contacts who..it will just happen.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Name of book please? Read this - and start at Page 11: http://books.google.com/books?id=Q5CJKeDiob0C&pg=PA21&lpg=PA21&dq=%22men+are+distancers%22&source=web&ots=K6BVbJ-4XL&sig=gDEamkmtlCtxJw6HtJGBik_ZekE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA11,M1 Most women are pursuers, whereas most men are distancers. It made a ton of sense to me.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I realize that. I didn't say otherwise. However, if a Type-A woman likes a man, and goes after what she wants, there should be nothing wrong with her calling him as well. The problem is it turns men off. men know quickly what they like, and do not like. You calling him might get his attention if he is bored, but romance is not the same as going after a job promotion. Sure, maybe there should be nothing wrong with it. maybe there should be nothing with men being house husbands, maybe there should be nothing with women paying on dates. Maybe there should be nothing with women proposing marriage to men...
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 The problem is it turns men off. men know quickly what they like, and do not like. You calling him might get his attention if he is bored, but romance is not the same as going after a job promotion. It's only turned off about 25% of the guys I've dated. I've wound up in relationship with the rest. Works for me. Doesn't have to work for you...I'm not pursuing you.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 If it works, why are you even asking? If you go on a date, and the man does not call you back, he is not that interested. I do not know what else to say. If you want to be in the role of the man, and pursue him, go ahead.
Bells Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. He responded immediately, and said he was surprised to hear from me. Why? He said, "Well, I figured if you were into me, you'd call me. I didn't want to push the issue." By Dave's rules, if a girl is into a guy, SHE contacts HIM. Okay. On the other hand, certain guys - such as the text dumper, or other guys who I AM/WAS into - don't want to be called. They want to have the upper hand. By TD's rules, if a guy is into a girl, HE calls HER. If she preempts this act by calling him first, he's turned off. In other words, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I say: Do whatever the eff feels right TO YOU. The right person will pick up what you're puttin' down. Yeah, I think you are. lol I had a friend last night giving me dating advice...."Make sure you're not TOO available" then she'll startcalling. Apparently, nothing ATTRACTS a woman MORE than a man that IGNORES her. lol That's what he told me.....in the OP's case....looks like it worked. High 5 to Dave LOL!
johan Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 When I'm into a girl, I love it when she calls. Although I have low tolerance for the phone, so she has to get used to short conversations.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 If it works, why are you even asking? Well, actually... I wasn't asking. Did you see a question in the OP?
Touche Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 If you adjust your behavior to what you think the other person expects from you, you'll just always be guessing. The fact is if someone digs you, then it doesn't matter much what you do. If you call right away, they won't mind. If you wait, they'll be glad to hear from you when you do call. It's best not to worry about it. Just do what feels most comfortable and have faith that things will work out ok. But also don't be rude or neglectful. I couldn't agree more and that's been my experience. I've only asked one man out though and that was my ex-H. Unfortunately, () that not only didn't turn him off but spurred him on.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Is it this guy? Did he call yet from Myspace? Why are you texting Dave? I just had one of the best dates ever, and had to share. It was with a guy I knew when I was in law school - he found me on MS. We were pretty wild back then, and had some fun stories to share about what we've been up to for the past five years. We had a drink, then went to dinner. Laughed the whole time, great conversation, it was like those 5 years never passed but at the same time we're "all grown up" and more mature...and we shared a fantastic kiss at the end. YOWZA. He's so sexy. So hot. Just enough confidence and uncertainty. These are the butterflies I've been waiting for...but not the scary kind. These are the gooooooooood kind. Who knows what will come of it, but it sure was fun!!! Oh my, he's so yummy.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Is it this guy? Did he call yet from Myspace? Why are you texting Dave? That guy? Yes, we've chatted. I've already answered about Dave. Again, this thread is NOT guy-specific, nor will I allow it to turn that way. Get over it already.
spookie Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 The problem is it turns men off. men know quickly what they like, and do not like. You calling him might get his attention if he is bored, but romance is not the same as going after a job promotion. Sure, maybe there should be nothing wrong with it. maybe there should be nothing with men being house husbands, maybe there should be nothing with women paying on dates. Maybe there should be nothing with women proposing marriage to men... It turns SOME guys off, vinerik, uncluding you; but I assure you, there are many others who do not mind, especially if they think the girl is attractive. Here's a breakdown of the various guys I've been involved in: The ex - I said, "I have a crush on you," about two days after we met. He reciprocated, and we stayed together for 3 years - plenty of time for him to stop being "bored". The German - I got him drunk and kissed him. He wanted a relationship, I did not. Eventually I left him for someone else, and he was really hurt/pissed and semi-stalked me for a while. The Player - the one guy who WAS turned of by my chasing. He actually chased me first, but after a month or so of dating I sensed that the more I reciprocated, the less interested HE was, so I ended it. I don't like to be some guy's entertainment. Mr. AS - blah. He sucked. Sammy - he chased me but was happy whenever I showed him any interest. I am positive he would not have had a problem with my chasing, either. He sucked too. My bf now - I liked him and he had no clue. After we went to a bar with some friends one night he got tricked into sleeping in my room, and I asked him if he wanted to sleep in my bed. The rest is history. He said the L word last night. That's 1/6 who were turned off in my experience, vonerik. Your feelings are not the universal man-truth.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. I just wondered why when you had the date of your lifetime you were texting a guy you weren't into.. just curious.. And... Spookie that is much different.. You kind of made a move, he was into you, and you are together. That is common. All I said was if you go on a formal date, and the man never calls you again, he is not into you. You can call him if you like, but what for.
johan Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Phone calls are just a barometer. I like a girl who is self-contained and happy in general and still likes me. I get very cautious if I get the impression she has pinned a whole bunch of hopes on me early on, before she even knows me. It's a turn-off because I've suddenly become responsible for her feelings. I don't like that, because I don't like to hurt people. It would be great to find someone who can't be hurt by me very easily. I'd like to think that in the first six months or so it makes almost no difference to her happiness what I do. I'd rather that she suspects I could be a good guy and is willing to take the time to find out. But not all in the first week.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 I just wondered why when you had the date of your lifetime you were texting a guy you weren't into.. just curious.. Your curiosity isn't important to the subject of this thread: Do what feels right TO YOU, the right person won't care, and will actually enjoy it. STAY ON TOPIC. And I've already answered the question. Spookie that is much different.. You kind of made a move, he was into you, and you are together. That is common. All I said was if you go on a formal date, and the man never calls you again, he is not into you. You can call him if you like, but what for. Spookie's moves are not much different than my own.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 So, I hadn't heard from the guy I wasn't all that into (Dave) in almost a week. I got home from a business trip last night and was exhausted so I stayed in. I became incredibly bored, so I texted him hello. He responded immediately, and said he was surprised to hear from me. Why? He said, "Well, I figured if you were into me, you'd call me. I didn't want to push the issue." By Dave's rules, if a girl is into a guy, SHE contacts HIM. Okay. On the other hand, certain guys - such as the text dumper, or other guys who I AM/WAS into - don't want to be called. They want to have the upper hand. By TD's rules, if a guy is into a girl, HE calls HER. If she preempts this act by calling him first, he's turned off. In other words, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I say: Do whatever the eff feels right TO YOU. The right person will pick up what you're puttin' down. So you have one guy dave who expects women to call him after a date?lol Take a poll of men on here.. If you go on a date, and are into the woman, will you call her for a second date?
Legend Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 So you have one guy dave who expects women to call him after a date?lol Take a poll of men on here.. If you go on a date, and are into the woman, will you call her for a second date? Yep., but I wouldn't be opposed to her calling either.
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Ok, it is simple. If a man takes you out, he will call you back if interested. Then you do not need to worry. Any man above the age of 18 will have the balls to call a girl for a second date if he likes her. If I took a girl out and did not call her back, it means i am not into her.So it would be a non issue. If she starts calling me, I am thinking she is desperate.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 So you have one guy dave who expects women to call him after a date?lol Take a poll of men on here.. If you go on a date, and are into the woman, will you call her for a second date? You're mixing apples and oranges. This is not an argument over who should be calling who. Rather, my suggestion is that if you want to call a guy OR a girl, do it. If you want to see them, ask. There's no universal "men should do all the pursuing" rule. Moreover, have I made ANY commentary about a guy not calling me after a date? NO. This is about whether or not a woman can "pursue" a guy and feel comfortable doing so, which I do. There's plenty of men here who would appreciate a woman they're into calling them. Your perspective is really boring and outdated.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Yep., but I wouldn't be opposed to her calling either. That's how a REAL man thinks. Ok, it is simple. If a man takes you out, he will call you back if interested. Then you do not need to worry. Any man above the age of 18 will have the balls to call a girl for a second date if he likes her. If I took a girl out and did not call her back, it means i am not into her.So it would be a non issue. If she starts calling me, I am thinking she is desperate. Why do you keep saying "call you back"? Obviously, if a guy doesn't call me back, I know he's not interested in the same way that if he calls me and I don't call him back, he should know that I'm not interested. There is no repeated calling. I know my limits, do you? You're also implying that a first date has even taken place. Maybe it has, maybe it hasn't. This thread is GENERAL, NOT guy-specific. Perhaps I get his number and ask him out for a first date. Perhaps we've been going out for 5 dates and I initiate the sixth. Either way, a REAL man who is as into me as I am into him (key points!) will NOT be turned off by the fact that I, as an assertive woman, am choosing to go after what I want rather than passively wait...
vonerik012 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 You're mixing apples and oranges. This is not an argument over who should be calling who. Rather, my suggestion is that if you want to call a guy OR a girl, do it. If you want to see them, ask. There's no universal "men should do all the pursuing" rule. Moreover, have I made ANY commentary about a guy not calling me after a date? NO. This is about whether or not a woman can "pursue" a guy and feel comfortable doing so, which I do. There's plenty of men here who would appreciate a woman they're into calling them. Your perspective is really boring and outdated. I just do not understand why a man who is interested in a woman would not be pursuing her? If pursuing men works for you, keep it up. If, yes IF a man is on the fence I think it would do more harm than good. Most women do not pursue men, so I guess they are all boring and outdated too?
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Come to think of it, my three closest girlfriends who are married were all the pursuers... Hmm.
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Read this - and start at Page 11: http://books.google.com/books?id=Q5CJKeDiob0C&pg=PA21&lpg=PA21&dq=%22men+are+distancers%22&source=web&ots=K6BVbJ-4XL&sig=gDEamkmtlCtxJw6HtJGBik_ZekE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA11,M1 Most women are pursuers, whereas most men are distancers. It made a ton of sense to me. I read some of it and took the tests. It was interesting to see the results.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 [/b]I just do not understand why a man who is interested in a woman would not be pursuing her? If pursuing men works for you, keep it up. If, yes IF a man is on the fence I think it would do more harm than good. Most women do not pursue men, so I guess they are all boring and outdated too? FFS. Are you listening? Are you? Have you read this thread in its entirety? Clearly not. I'm not suggesting that a man who's interested in a woman should not pursue her. I'm not suggesting that a woman should - nor that I do - all of the pursuing either. However, I am challenging the viewpoint that a woman should never pursue, that she just should lie in wait until her prince charming comes along and summons her to her balcony with a diamond in hand. That's outdated. Women have more power than ever before. We're not meek little lambs like we were 50 years ago. We run for President of the United States. We ask for votes. But we can't call a man? I guess you're not used to women liking you enough to let you know? That's unfortunate.
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