Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I don't really think I'm into Dave, and the reasons you stated have NOTHING to do with that. Ok why aren't you into him?
djhall Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 YES THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I appreciate some people want to make their own rules along the way and that's fine but there most definitely ARE rules to dating for the genders PLEASE! I would say there are no CLEAR rules to dating for the genders, because the rules are constantly in change, and no matter what rules the majority agreed upon, there would still be a substantial percentage that are unhappy with those rules even if they acknowledge them. Which set of rules would you like me to follow? Whack you on the head with a club and drag you home? Buy you from your father as property? Court a young teenager as a grown man and have her barefoot and pregnant by 20? Socially date with chaperones and never be alone together until our wedding night? Date and have sex only in the context of serial relationships that last at least a couple months? Free love and sex with whoever you feel like it at the time? Marry a wife as a homemeaker and keep a mistress as a sexual outlet? If your proposition were true, dating norms would be a single set of rules and not different sets of rules continually coming into and goint out of the majority.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 If you want to call a guy, then you call him!! And if he doesn't respond positively to your attention, then he's an idiot!! Period. End of story. For me, this approach has not worked. I'm not really sure why (although I think it has something to do with men wanting to be in charge and in control), but it always seems to work out better when the guy does all the initiating in the beginning of a fine romance. But again, I am just stating my own experience. Yours may be different. Why would that guy be an idiot? Are you an idiot if you do not respond positively to men who call you that you have little interest in? But you are right.. A woman pursuing a man is typically an exercise in futility.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 SG, if you are simply expressing frustration in this thread about what it's like out there in the Dating Jungle, I hear you and I empathize... as I'm sure so are the other SG (Single Gals) here who are responding to your thread. We're all in the same boat. It's a wild ride out there! And it can be extremely frustrating and confusing. Yup, yup. I for one would LOVE to be able to call or go see a man I'm interested in whenever I want. But I know that's not the way the world works. At least, it hasn't worked that way for me. That's your experience, and I get that. However, IME, playing by the "old rules" has never worked. But the best relationships I've ever had have been those where I've made the first move by expressing interest to him, whether that be by making the first call, or suggesting the first date. I really don't think we should be snapping at each other whenever we discover there's differences in our strategies. We should all be pulling together. I'm trying not to, but the personal attacks are getting a bit much, don't you think? In spite of all our society's progress in the last 50 years, it is still very much a man's world... and there are still many men out there like Vonerik who would love it if we were barefoot and chained to the bedpost, at their mercy by means of our aging ovaries, submissive and compliant to their every whim and demand.:D Are you suggesting that because it's still very much a man's world (which is constantly changing, but anyway...), that I should conduct myself so as to win the affections of the Vonerik's of the world? No, thank you. I'd rather keep doing my thing and pushing those types away and remain single for the rest of my life. If you want to call a guy, then you call him!! And if he doesn't respond positively to your attention, then he's an idiot!! Period. End of story. For me, this approach has not worked. I'm not really sure why (although I think it has something to do with men wanting to be in charge and in control), but it always seems to work out better when the guy does all the initiating in the beginning of a fine romance. But again, I am just stating my own experience. Yours may be different. Yeah, I hear you. That's what's worked for you. That way hasn't worked for me. Something else has. That's all.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Ok why aren't you into him? *Sigh* There's two threads on the subject, I believe. But long story short, I'm just not feelin' it. Ya know? There's just not that...*spark*. I'm very much "Ehhh..." about him. Have been from the get-go. I think it's a physical thing, he's a bit short for me and WAY too touchy-feely. I can't help it.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 There are men out there who are shy and afraid to approach women. There are men out there who are afraid to call a woman after a first date. SG might be onto something, as these men are almost always single, and she is tapping into an entirely new market.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 There are men out there who are shy and afraid to approach women. There are men out there who are afraid to call a woman after a first date. Do you read? Seriously? Do you? That is NOT AT ALL the type of man I'm interested in. Not in the slightest.
Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Which set of rules would you like me to follow? Whack you on the head with a club and drag you home? Buy you from your father as property? Court a young teenager as a grown man and have her barefoot and pregnant by 20? Socially date with chaperones and never be alone together until our wedding night? Date and have sex only in the context of serial relationships that last at least a couple months? Free love and sex with whoever you feel like it at the time? Marry a wife as a homemeaker and keep a mistress as a sexual outlet? If your proposition were true, dating norms would be a single set of rules and not different sets of rules continually coming into and goint out of the majority. Listen that's ridiculous. When people get married why don't they take into account certain realities of today's society? Given that infidelity is rampant and so is divorce why not factor those into the marital vows, like you are allowed to have a sexual encounter after X amount of years and if divorce is enevitable so let's sign a waver that we will have to stay married no matter what for X amount or years before we even entertain a D. People don't enter into something as traditional as marraige with modernised vows they do it that same way it has always been done. we are together until death do us part for better or worse for sickness or in poor. END OF STORY. So the courting process is also the same regardless of what is going on around us. It doesn't work the other way around. If women are going to pursue men then we should also pay for the dates, make all the plans and take MEN out instead of the other way around, why not break all the rules then. Men can just sit around and get spiffed up and wait for women to come and take them out. The man might as well wear the push-up bra and the skirt. I mean why do women have to wear skirts and not the man? If we should adapt EVERYTHING to modern times!?!? Why don't you wear a skirt Djhall?
djhall Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 chained to the bedpost, at their mercy . . . submissive and compliant to their every whim and demand.:D Just out of purely theoretical curiosity, how bad would if be if a man found that idea quite appealing in the context of a voluntary and temporary situation?
OpenBook Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Why would that guy be an idiot? Because StarGazer is FABULOUS!! And I'm serious about this. If a woman doesn't have a ton of confidence in herself, she will never survive out there in The Jungle. And neither will a man, for that matter. You have to be tough, and you have to believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will either. People tend to follow the lead you present in yourself.
Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 *Sigh* There's two threads on the subject, I believe. But long story short, I'm just not feelin' it. Ya know? There's just not that...*spark*. I'm very much "Ehhh..." about him. Have been from the get-go. I think it's a physical thing, he's a bit short for me and WAY too touchy-feely. I can't help it. He lacks the cool factor, basically what I said earlier. But of course you would never admit to that. He sounds kind of wimpy not because he is short or not super attractive just the overall description and in particular how clingy he is. That's wimpy. Most women DON'T dig that.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Listen that's ridiculous. When people get married why don't they take into account certain realities of today's society? Given that infidelity is rampant and so is divorce why not factor those into the marital vows, like you are allowed to have a sexual encounter after X amount of years and if divorce is enevitable so let's sign a waver that we will have to stay married no matter what for X amount or years before we even entertain a D. People don't enter into something as traditional as marraige with modernised vows they do it that same way it has always been done. we are together until death do us part for better or worse for sickness or in poor. END OF STORY. So the courting process is also the same regardless of what is going on around us. It doesn't work the other way around. If women are going to pursue men then we should also pay for the dates, make all the plans and take MEN out instead of the other way around, why not break all the rules then. Men can just sit around and get spiffed up and wait for women to come and take them out. The man might as well wear the push-up bra and the skirt. I mean why do women have to wear skirts and not the man? If we should adapt EVERYTHING to modern times!?!? Why don't you wear a skirt Djhall? The bold part is not bad... I wont mind if they try to get into my pants at the end of the date either. So it wont be wasted time or money. SG, I thought I saw the genius behind your well thought out plan. But if you do not like that type of man, how well will this go over with the type of men who typically are comfortable doing the asking?
Author Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 He lacks the cool factor, basically what I said earlier. But of course you would never admit to that. He sounds kind of wimpy not because he is short or not super attractive just the overall description and in particular how clingy he is. That's wimpy. Most women DON'T dig that. Nah, he's definitely cool. He's actually very successful, very assertive, very manly...anything BUT wimpy. He's actually a pursuer. I just don't feel a *spark* with him, and like I said before, unfortunately it has 99.9% to do with his height. Trying to tell me otherwise about how I feel and why isn't going to work.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Nah, he's definitely cool. He's actually very successful, very assertive, very manly...anything BUT wimpy. He's actually a pursuer. I just don't feel a *spark* with him, and like I said before, unfortunately it has 99.9% to do with his height. Trying to tell me otherwise about how I feel and why isn't going to work. He's the pursuer but was waiting for you to make the next move!?!? I am confused again.
OpenBook Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Just out of purely theoretical curiosity, how bad would if be if a man found that idea quite appealing in the context of a voluntary and temporary situation? On a first date??? You just might get arrested for that.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 SG, I thought I saw the genius behind your well thought out plan. But if you do not like that type of man, how well will this go over with the type of men who typically are comfortable doing the asking? I realize that many men are comfortable pursuing. My point is that THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME will not mind, and may even enjoy, the fact that I pursue ALSO. Again, can you read?
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I realize that many men are comfortable pursuing. My point is that THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME will not mind, and may even enjoy, the fact that I pursue ALSO. Again, can you read? That's cool THAt I can agree with, you keep doing it your way and the right guy for you will totally get you. I am partisan to that philosophy as well.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 He's the pursuer but was waiting for you to make the next move!?!? I am confused again. Exactly why I'm confused!!! Someone who was once the pursuer turned on his heels to wait for me to make the next move. Not that I really cared, as I'm not all that into him anyway. But I find the lack of consistency in "rules" infuriating. THUS, I will do as I see fit FOR MYSELF. If it works for the guy, great. If not, big whop.
johan Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I'd be careful with being the pursuer, Star. Go lightly. If you find a guy who likes you coming on really strong, then he'll probably like you taking the lead in general. Some guys like having a mother figure around to tell them what to do.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Because StarGazer is FABULOUS!! And I'm serious about this. If a woman doesn't have a ton of confidence in herself, she will never survive out there in The Jungle. And neither will a man, for that matter. You have to be tough, and you have to believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will either. People tend to follow the lead you present in yourself. Why thank you, OB. I must say, when a guy isn't into me, I do think, "He's an idiot!"
vonerik012 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 yes I can read, but it does not help with my confusion.. "Dave" is one of those pursuers who refuses to pursue I suppose.. LOL Or were you just making everything confusing to try and be right somehow.. Ok, let me ask again... When you are pursuing, how many of the traditional gender roles must stay in place? You did say there should be no gender roles, so I am assuming... Since you are the pursuer... YOu will ask him out You will plan You will drive You will pay.. Will you be mad if he does not put out at the end of the night too?
Author Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 I'd be careful with being the pursuer, Star. Go lightly. If you find a guy who likes you coming on really strong, then he'll probably like you taking the lead in general. Some guys like having a mother figure around to tell them what to do. I do. I do. Like I said, I call/text/email (one form of communication) once. If I don't get a response, or a warm/receptive response, I move on. If I get a welcome response, I tread lightly until I feel him out. I really like the tennis match analogy...that's how I handle things.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Exactly why I'm confused!!! Someone who was once the pursuer turned on his heels to wait for me to make the next move. Not that I really cared, as I'm not all that into him anyway. But I find the lack of consistency in "rules" infuriating. THUS, I will do as I see fit FOR MYSELF. If it works for the guy, great. If not, big whop. Ooooooooh well if you are saying he did all the pursing and then suddenly stopped as I am now understanding it, then he got your vibe. He saw that you weren't all that into him the last time you were out and he got your vibe. Ok so it's not that the guy likes to be pursued and does not make the effort and waits for you he was just leaving the ball in your court because he sensed that you weren't all that into him. THAT'S a different story than what it seems in the opening post. We've been going back and forth over nothing then! :laugh:
IrishCarBomb Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 yes I can read, but it does not help with my confusion.. Then you've got a whole new set of problems. The point is quite clear, and not relevant to your questions/attacks.
Author Star Gazer Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Will you be mad if he does not put out at the end of the night too? Uh....yes!
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