Author BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 My guess is it went a little something like this: So do you wanna do something on saturday night if you are free?" She answers "yes" Saturday night rolls around, at 5pm and he says "so you still free?" That is EXACTLY what happened. When he asked if I was still free I said "it depends on what you wanted to do". He asked to go out to dinner. IMO asking to go out to dinner at 5 in the evening on the day of is a little ridiculous, so I told him I had already eaten, but if he wanted to do something else I was game (thinking a movie or coctails somewhere quiet). He then asked me to meet him at some bar to play pool. I was not interested in meeting him and his buddies at some lame college bar, so I suggested that he could contact me if he made it over to my side of the city and we could meet up there. So, I DID NOT flake on him. He's a poor planner, so I lost interest. I'm not too broken up about it. I went out with my friends and had a good time. I'm sure he did the same.
Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Well there you have it, so it DID go down like that. Banna even if you had dropped your plans at that point to go meet him for dinner (I agree asking you out to dinner on a saturday at 5pm is riduculous) then you still would have been stuck having to tag along with him and his friends to some pool hall later that night. "Ohhh special!" And another thing since it was so casual he probably would have expected you to pay for your share of dinner too since it was so infromal and all. I know the type, they make you break your plans for them and you go and on top of it they make you pay. Take a hike LOSER! My friend who was really dumb when it came to dating would accept last minute dates like that all the time and these men would just walk all over her. And she would pathetically take out her wallet and pay on top of it! Eeeek I could not bear to hear her sad stories. One guy even took her out to a bar where he was going to meet his friends after and totally dissed her the entire night she hung out by the bar while he was off with his friends. PATHETIC! Good for you for seeing past his crap. Guys like that need to learn that they need to smarten up before they can actually ask a woman out. And if he wasn't all that serious/interested then no loss on your part, it would have been a waste of time on your end anyway, so win/win for you Banna!
rod_in_gtown Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I concede, the guy is an idiot and that was not a fully set date. That's not what I read from the OP. But you must concede on the principle of my statement which had very specific "ifs" from the beginning. "IF there is a date, it is poor form to flake out" only because you lost interest, or feel lazy, or are having a bad hair day. Your word is your bond, LIVE up to it, if you don't want to be asked via txt, then DON'T accept dates via text. It's very simple really. It's about being a grown up and it's the same point I put across on shygirl15's post.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 My dear tomcat. Are we reading the same post? The OP says "he texted me to go out with him on Saturday, and I accepted" that is a date whether or not he gave her a play by play of the evening. Now, his follow up was very lame but that doesn't mean there wasn't a date accepted in the first place. And like I said, flaking out on a set date IS poor form. No matter how dumb the dude may be. I totally, 100% agree. If someone did that to me, it would be a huge red flag, if not a deal breaker. Although, I did let TD do this to me once. But it upset me so badly that I never got past it - I really think it was a legitimate flake.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Are you kidding me??!? The way this guy acted, I'd go out of my way to DROWN him in flakiness. Like, cheerfully respond "OK see you there!!" and then never show up... and don't answer any of his calls or texts for the next few days. And then (if I happened to be bored and felt like f*cking with him) finally answer his call or text like nothing ever happened. And if he had the temerity to ask me out again, I'd put him through the exact same scenario. Sweetly and cheerfully accept, and then never show up. Over and over again, until he got the message!! That's just unnecessry cruelty I hope I never date anyone who thinks this is an acceptable way to treat another person. No matter how socially awkward they may be.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 If he got the date in a lazy way (internet dating), then sending a text is to be expected. They do not even know each other, and have never seen each other. Is he expected to be planning lavish blind dates far ahead of time? Many women flake out as well, and men quickly learn this after a while of online dating. He might have been asking because the past 3 "online dates" he made entailed the female backing out last minute. If you meet online, expect a different approach than if he met you in person and actually saw you, and actually asked you out. More of a bond is instantly formed than going on a blind date.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 They do not even know each other, and have never seen each other. Why are you assuming this? The OP hasn't said that at all.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I am guessing.... After reading this she might come back and say they met somewhere else, I do no know. But typically if you meet a woman, and know her, you would not send a text the same day in that manner. That is more inline with going on a blind date. Lack of much effort..
Shygirl15 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 So, I DID NOT flake on him. He's a poor planner, so I lost interest. I would say you lost interest too quickly, BB. Are you usually this way?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I would have lost interest, too. That is just plain annoying, to be asked to do something on a Saturday, and then you don't hear from the person until 5pm Saturday. This has happened to me before, and I really have no patience for it. I think Bananabee or whatever her name is handled this very well. Guys, you have to show a little more interest if you are actually interested.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Cherry my point is.... Obviously the guy was not that interested. If this was an internet date, why should all the same rules apply? The balance has changed. He could hop online and meet 20 more women that want to go out to dinner that same night..
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Cherry my point is.... Obviously the guy was not that interested. If this was an internet date, why should all the same rules apply? The balance has changed. He could hop online and meet 20 more women that want to go out to dinner that same night.. Was this an internet date? IME, a first date from an online encounter is usually set during the week. Not every guy can get 20 dates on any given day. If you're not going to put any effort into dating, why do it at all? I know that I would not be impressed by this behavior, and neither is Bananabee.
vonerik012 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Exactly Cherry, that why I do not internet date.. It is usually a lazy experience from both sides.. I am just guessing it was an internet date, as the OP never responded to my question..
Author BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 I would say you lost interest too quickly, BB. Are you usually this way? I will admit, it is hard for me to get interested in so many guys I meet. I have fallen fast before and been burned more than once, so I guess I do find it difficult to obtain and maintain interest. However, if I have nothing invested in someone in the first place then I usually don't have the patients to play games or deal with some wishy-washy dude. There is something to be said for making a good impression early on. I am not hard to please at all. I just appreciate putting a little thought into things of this nature. I think about if the situation were reversed. If I had asked him out I would never have waited like that. I would have made the plans at least a day in advance, otherwise I would have assumed he'd make other plans since the invite to "hang out" was so vague. It's just not good form for a first date.
Author BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 I concede, the guy is an idiot and that was not a fully set date. That's not what I read from the OP. But you must concede on the principle of my statement which had very specific "ifs" from the beginning. "IF there is a date, it is poor form to flake out" only because you lost interest, or feel lazy, or are having a bad hair day. Your word is your bond, LIVE up to it, if you don't want to be asked via txt, then DON'T accept dates via text. It's very simple really. It's about being a grown up and it's the same point I put across on shygirl15's post. If the date had been planned on Thursday and he had said anything about a time frame, like say "let's do dinner on Saturday night". I would have been a little more patient. But still, waiting until late in the afternoon/early evening to contact me was not ok. I never flake on REAL dates. I don't get lazy about it and I never have bad hair days
Author BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Was this an internet date? IME, a first date from an online encounter is usually set during the week. No, actually I didn't meet this one on the internet. I have met a couple guys on the internet though. They have always planned the date in advance even though nothing ever came of it. This guy was doing some construction work at my school. We had a brief convo (maybe 2 minutes) and talked about some places that we both liked to go to. He mentioned that maybe we could go out to one of the places together one time and then asked for my number.
mortensorchid Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 That is inconsiderate of him to do that via text message. I wouldn't bother with him if I were you.
Lishy Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 BB, you did the right thing! Never be a mans back up girl NEVER! If they do not have the respect to make firm plans and not by text then dont bother! You have to have respect for yourself and you will never get that by being a walkover and a back up girl, I learned that the hard way!
Author BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 You have to have respect for yourself and you will never get that by being a walkover and a back up girl, I learned that the hard way! As have I. I just hope I'm walking the thin line between having respect for myself and being too inflexable. I don't want to put off the "no fun" vibe, but I also don't want to be a pushover.
Lishy Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Honey there is a huge difference in being a walk over and having fun and being spontanious. You did the right thing and he will know not to do that to you again, had you gone out with him you would be a girl he had no respect for and oh no, you are too good for that vibe!
CaliGuy Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Anyway, he just texted "still free tonight?" That doesn't sound like spontaneity. To me that sounds like "My first option fell through so I'm switching to plan B."
monkey00 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Some guys are just lousy planners or take a girl for granted that they don't plan ahead. I've been guilty of this in the past. And then the other scenario where you're just his backup. I say leave the ball in his court and see what he decides to do.
cheezy100 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I just found myself in an annoying situation and would like to know how others would respond to this. A guy asked me to "go out on Saturday" through a text message on Thursday. I accepted the invitation. This would be our first date. We talked a little bit more and he didn't specify a time or place. I just figured he'd get back to me with some idea of what we'd be doing. I didn't hear from him until just now (4:35 on the evening of this supposed "date"). He just texted me "Hi". I'm all for being spontaneous, but I don't want to give him the impression that it was ok for him to wait until the last minute to firm up plans for the date. How would the rest of you ladies respond to this? Should I just text him back and go out with him, or let him know that I'm not interested in going out tonight as he waited too long to get ahold of me again? Also, what is with all this texting? Why can't people call you to ask for a date? I'm not that scary A guy that i'm dating now LOVES texting. When we first met at the club and I gave him my number, he TEXT me like 3 days after just saying "Hi". But I responded back to him telling him to stop texting me cuz it cost 20cents. I'm cheap. So he said he'll call me after work. I think text messaging is insincere. Now we talk on AIM and he asks me if I'm busy tomorrow. I always ask, what time are you thinking about? or what time are you gonna call me tomorrow cuz I need time to get ready? or what time do you want to go out? Sometimes he would ask me what time do I want to go out? You should ask him the time and place before hanging up or when texting him. This way, you won't be waiting for him all day. It would make it seem like you have nothing to do and have all the time in world. When my guy calls me up last minute, I just tell him that I can't go cuz I already have things planned (even though I don't) or my dad is already cooking, I can't go eat dinner now, you should have asked me earlier. This way, he will LEARN that next time if he wants to go out with you, he needs to call in advance. You sometimes need to play hard to get. Don't make him think that you are staying at home waiting for him to call you even though you are.
Author BannaBee57 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 You should ask him the time and place before hanging up or when texting him. This way, you won't be waiting for him all day. It would make it seem like you have nothing to do and have all the time in world. When my guy calls me up last minute, I just tell him that I can't go cuz I already have things planned (even though I don't) or my dad is already cooking, I can't go eat dinner now, you should have asked me earlier. This way, he will LEARN that next time if he wants to go out with you, he needs to call in advance. You sometimes need to play hard to get. Don't make him think that you are staying at home waiting for him to call you even though you are. Well, firstly I don't feel it is my job to pry this infomation out of him. If he wants to go out with me he can specify a time and place, preferably 24 hours in advance. Also, I don't have to make up a lie about being busy when someone calls too late. The truth is, I usually have several options on a weekend night, so I don't need to pretend to have a life All that aside, I agree with what you're saying. If he never calls (texts) again then I'll know he wasn't interested. If he does, then hopefully this little exercise will have told him something about me.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I personally hate when guys ask me to go out via text. But I think it is a combination of being lazy, not liking to talk on the phone, and fearing rejection that they use text as an easy and quick way to communicate. I'd say guys that use text messages to ask a girl out are either lazy or unconfident.
Recommended Posts