Fr0s7y Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Hi everyone! This is my first post here and I hope I'll get some nice answers. I've been going out with a girl for about 2 months now and I'm really into her and I thought she was into me too until last night. We've made out a lot and stuff like that and yesterday evening she started talking about us and how she really appreciates me as a really good friend and she wouldn't want to hurt me and how we would benefit more from being just friends 'cuz she feels like we started off like that and so on... But I don't want to be just friends with her...It's pure torture to me being with her as just a friend and all that. I really have feelings for her but I didn't make that really clear to her because she started talking how this was just something temporary and how she didn't even want to be with me in the first place because she feared losing me as a friend. But now I feel horrible and I really don't know what I should do or say. I really want to be with her again. And not be just a friend of hers. Thanks for reading and I hope you have some good advice on dealing with the situation
CaliGuy Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 If you don't want to be "second rate" with her, don't be her friend. Move on. You have other friends, you don't need her friendship. Cheers.
sid3 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 It's up to you if your willing to settle. I think you should cut her out of your life. I she misses you and starts to feel like you do, she will let you know. I would not contact her at all!
Author Fr0s7y Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 That's probably just what I'm going to do. I'm leaving town for about 2 weeks next Friday so I won't call her or see her for about 20 days and I hope she calls me. And if not...life goes on. Feel free to post your opinion of the problem
sid3 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 What usually happens when you continue to contact an ex, all it does is feed their ego and lower their respect for you. She'll never see what it's like to have lost you if you were to continue to keep contacting. Sounds like two weeks away will give you a chance to take a step back.
BCCA Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 That's probably just what I'm going to do. I'm leaving town for about 2 weeks next Friday so I won't call her or see her for about 20 days and I hope she calls me. And if not...life goes on. Feel free to post your opinion of the problem My opinion is that you dont owe her a friendship, and Im sure you have plenty of other friends that you didnt have these kinds of feelings about. The thing is, even if she calls you, you need to think about WHY she is calling you. She could just be trying to keep the friendship going, or just be bored. I wouldnt even answer her calls unless she leaves a message that you think needs to be returned. Go no contact, and give yourself time to heal.
Author Fr0s7y Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 We met today and I said what I had to say but she was still repeating the same **** over and over again - she valued me way too much and on and on and she didn't want to lose me as a friend and she'd be devastated if I didn't go out with her as a friend - well guess what - I WON'T. Any suggestions will be appreciated though - I still want her to be my girlfriend but if she doesn't, then its An eye for an eye and a tooth for two.
EmperorR Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 don't be friends, trust me do you think when she finds a new bf and tells him she still Talks to her ex he is going to be ok with it and you think she will value you over him. My ex told me let's be friends at first I was dumb and said yeah because she as my best friend someone I Talked to every Day for three years then I said nope. I'm not good enough to be your bf but you want me as your friend just because no one else will listen to your dumb stories.
Frankasy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Hi everyone! This is my first post here and I hope I'll get some nice answers. I've been going out with a girl for about 2 months now and I'm really into her and I thought she was into me too until last night. We've made out a lot and stuff like that and yesterday evening she started talking about us and how she really appreciates me as a really good friend and she wouldn't want to hurt me and how we would benefit more from being just friends 'cuz she feels like we started off like that and so on... But I don't want to be just friends with her...It's pure torture to me being with her as just a friend and all that. I really have feelings for her but I didn't make that really clear to her because she started talking how this was just something temporary and how she didn't even want to be with me in the first place because she feared losing me as a friend. But now I feel horrible and I really don't know what I should do or say. I really want to be with her again. And not be just a friend of hers. Thanks for reading and I hope you have some good advice on dealing with the situation Well if you really feel something for this girl, tell her that. She said that she didn't wanna go on cause she'd hate to lose you as a friend but going on would have you as her bf. Believe me, if you tell her the words you just said here (I put them in bold for you) you're gonna be fine. If she accepts than she feels something for you too but was insecure at first and that's why she said all that, if she doesn't accept than don't be her friend. Friendship can be turned into love but not love into friendship. It's gonna be weird having her as a friend and later on someone (Probably you) might get really hurt. Just remember to stay focused and look at her in the eye when you tell her all of this, be yourself.
BCCA Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I'm sure she's a nice enough girl, but she is being a tad on the selfish side. If she would hate to lose you as a friend, guess what - too late. If all she wants is a friendship, you're not on the same page, and would be doing yourself a huge diservice to let it go on any longer. I agree with Frankasy, tell her how you feel straight up, be calm but firm. Youre not trying to start any fights, but you cant concede in the least here. Either she wants something more than friends, and things work out between you, or she doesnt, and you go your own ways. I dated a girl who did the same thing, and once you agree to settle for the friendship, thats all youll ever get.
Yamaha Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 THey want to be friends because they like you well enough but want to keep their options open for other interests. I agree if you accept friendship then that is all you'll ever be because it is easy to go from dating to friends but very hard the other way around. The bottom line is she gets what she wants but if you want more than you are selling yourself short by agreeing to just friends.
Author Fr0s7y Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Thanks for all the advice guys! Oh, and last night I was so pissed that I forgot to mention some things - she said that she's in an age in which she likes at least 5 people, but that's bullsh*t! Everyone's physically attracted to more than one person, right? She kept on saying that she's not worthy for me (as if I'm some kind of superhuman ) and she didn't want to be with anyone at the moment and that another guy liked her and he was a good friend of hers and she didn't want to hurt him but the guy studies 250km away and is 4 years older! He only comes back fri-sun if he ever does and he doesn't do it for her but because his parents tell him to. I know that because he was my friend too. (was!) We used to play basketball together and now the SOB's stabbing me in the back. So I'm gonna tell her what Frankasy has bolded (thanks) and I'll probably give her and myself some time. Advise away
BackonTrack Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 She's young. She's exploring. She doesn't know what she wants. its ok to be upset, but note you can't force someone to be with you. Let her loose. Prehaps you will meet up somewhere down the line. Its not about you, its about her, these things are NEW to her. Its like a kid in a candy store,they are going to try everything until they find what they like and can compare it to something. Other words, she just not into you.
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