movingonandon Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Long story short, messed up ex-gf makes attempts to make me at least consider a second chance. I told her that unless she dumps the joke she dumped me for right away (literally immediately, today, now), there's no way I'd even talk to her. So she says she'll do it tonight. Even if she does, this of course achieves nothing but merely to maybe to make listen to her, occasionally. The problem is two-fold. She's in another city - what the hell can she do to convince me to trust her? Not to mention that they work in the same building. Second, and the reason for this post, is it a horrible idea to email the loser in question with a subtle threat (well, not really) saying that now that she dumped him, if he ever contacts her ever again.. etc. The only reason I consider this is that this is at least some indirect way to check if she actually did it... (since he'd confront her about this if she didn't...).
Melrapuo Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Long story short, messed up ex-gf makes attempts to make me at least consider a second chance. I told her that unless she dumps the joke she dumped me for right away (literally immediately, today, now), there's no way I'd even talk to her. So she says she'll do it tonight. Even if she does, this of course achieves nothing but merely to maybe to make listen to her, occasionally. The problem is two-fold. She's in another city - what the hell can she do to convince me to trust her? Not to mention that they work in the same building. Second, and the reason for this post, is it a horrible idea to email the loser in question with a subtle threat (well, not really) saying that now that she dumped him, if he ever contacts her ever again.. etc. The only reason I consider this is that this is at least some indirect way to check if she actually did it... (since he'd confront her about this if she didn't...). It should be interesting to see what happens here. But do NOT contact the guy. If you really want her to try and regain your trust, she will stop contacting the guy entirely. Its not your job to push the guy away. Its hers. So let her do it, not you. Be extremely cautious with this. And don't jump right back into things. Instead, move at a slow pace and have reasonable expectations.
Author movingonandon Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Nevermind, I decided that there's no way I'm doing anything like that. (Though of course I will break somebody's neck if I ever encounter them, just as a general service to humanity)
Author movingonandon Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 It should be interesting to see what happens here. But do NOT contact the guy. If you really want her to try and regain your trust, she will stop contacting the guy entirely. Its not your job to push the guy away. Its hers. So let her do it, not you. Be extremely cautious with this. And don't jump right back into things. Instead, move at a slow pace and have reasonable expectations. Yep, no way that I'd do it. And of course I won't be jumping into anything. As I said, even if she does everything right, all that achieves is that i might talk to her sometime, if I feel like it. What do you mean by reasonable expectations? I would think that a reasonable expectation is that she should have done all this before even trying to contact me, not waiting for me to tell her!
Author movingonandon Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Nevermind, I decided that there's no way I'm doing anything like that, it's really a no-brainer. (Though of course I will break his neck, just as a general service to humanity, if i ever encounter him by chance ). ****in' weasels that would hang out with women in relationships are so pathetic.
BCCA Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Nevermind, I decided that there's no way I'm doing anything like that, it's really a no-brainer. (Though of course I will break his neck, just as a general service to humanity, if i ever encounter him by chance ). ****in' weasels that would hang out with women in relationships are so pathetic. You have to blame her more than him. She probably lied about things between the two of you to him, and made him believe that your relationship was on its way out anyway. Its easy to get mad at him, but its her fault things went the way they did. He was probably BS'd as much as you. It sounds to me like she is comparing the two of you, and I tend to doubt that shes going to completely close either door until she decides which situation is more beneficial. She sounds like she is being extremely selfish. Doesnt make much sense to contact you when she is still in a relationship unless she is hedging her bets in case something goes wrong. I would have a very difficult time trusting this girl. Make her show you shes serious. Right now, youre only gettting lip service.
Author movingonandon Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 You have to blame her more than him. She probably lied about things between the two of you to him, and made him believe that your relationship was on its way out anyway. Its easy to get mad at him, but its her fault things went the way they did. He was probably BS'd as much as you. It sounds to me like she is comparing the two of you, and I tend to doubt that shes going to completely close either door until she decides which situation is more beneficial. She sounds like she is being extremely selfish. Doesnt make much sense to contact you when she is still in a relationship unless she is hedging her bets in case something goes wrong. I would have a very difficult time trusting this girl. Make her show you shes serious. Right now, youre only gettting lip service. Oh, sure thing, she's the one to blame more than anybody else. That said, neither I, nor any of my friends, would ever be "close friends" with any girl who is in a relationship. No healthy male is ever "genuinely such a nice guy" when it comes to friendship with girls. So although she is the one who let it happen, he's still an effin weasel for not showing basic respect for her situation (LDR). Calling, doing small things, talking all the time, being "outgoing" and "laidback" - you get the picture. That's why I wouldn't resist too hard slapping him around if an opportunity ever arizes (figuretively, of course; it never will, "we're not in highschool anymore" - i'm 32) As for trusting her from now on - it's not even on the agenda yet. She has yet to prove that she's learned something rather than simply decide to go with me rather than him for selfish reasons (which by the way is a no brainer, which means she's got a lot of work to do.) I will no longer be rude to her, but will call her on every single piece of her bullcrap and then make up my mind. The whole thing could take months and months, and who knows, i might meet somebody else during that time.
Melrapuo Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Yep, no way that I'd do it. And of course I won't be jumping into anything. As I said, even if she does everything right, all that achieves is that i might talk to her sometime, if I feel like it. What do you mean by reasonable expectations? I would think that a reasonable expectation is that she should have done all this before even trying to contact me, not waiting for me to tell her! Heh yea, poor choice of words on my part. Reasonable in a sense that yea, she treated you like crap before, so don't expect everything to be back to normal. But you've decided to just avoid the situation entirely, which is even more reasonable. : )
Author movingonandon Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Heh yea, poor choice of words on my part. Reasonable in a sense that yea, she treated you like crap before, so don't expect everything to be back to normal. But you've decided to just avoid the situation entirely, which is even more reasonable. : ) As expected, this turned out to be much ado about nothing: It was saturday when I explicitly specified that if she wants to talk to me she needs to break up with him right then, that some day. She said 'yes', and now is monday, 2 days later, and I have not, and will not, hear from her.
BCCA Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 As expected, this turned out to be much ado about nothing: It was saturday when I explicitly specified that if she wants to talk to me she needs to break up with him right then, that some day. She said 'yes', and now is monday, 2 days later, and I have not, and will not, hear from her. Well, at least you called her out. Now you know what her agenda was/is. She was probably feeling down and reaching out to you for an ego boost, but you did the right thing to brush her off.
Author movingonandon Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Well, at least you called her out. Now you know what her agenda was/is. She was probably feeling down and reaching out to you for an ego boost, but you did the right thing to brush her off. yes, this does feel liberating - if she's unable to do this simple and obvous thing, with no hesitation, then this really proves i should have no business tlaking to her. And the reason it's liberating is that I no longer have to second-guess myself. Even if she does it eventually, on her own time, this would still be too late.
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