noforgiveness Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 She was asked if she apologized to his wife because she stated that she apologized to everyone for her role in this.
Author smile711 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 And I did call his wife the day after he left me and left her a message apologizing for my behavior. I was wrong to do what I did and I know it. I don't want his wife to ever think that I am proud of what happened. I believe it was the first important step in my healing. I have also apologized to my family for my actions-I had lied to them, also. I also started going to church again and have asked God for forgiveness and strength to get through all of this. I'm really doing all that I can. I am not contacting him.
Owl Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 But I know (from him telling me) that he never regretted or felt sorry about the 10 affairs before me. So I guess I'm making a guess based on a pattern of behavior for 20 years. Hindsight is 20/20. Someone else asked this earlier, but I didn't see a response, and this just keeps leaping out at me... What did this guy say to so totally convince you that YOUR affair with him was different? What magic words did this guy use to somehow make you feel safe with him, based on this knowledge?
LakesideDream Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Someone else asked this earlier, but I didn't see a response, and this just keeps leaping out at me... What did this guy say to so totally convince you that YOUR affair with him was different? What magic words did this guy use to somehow make you feel safe with him, based on this knowledge? Smile, Your MM sounds like a throughly miserable man, all on his own. He sounds like he would be miserable with or without the affair the two of you shared. If this brings you solice, fine. You need to worry about you. The affair won't be over and you won't be healed until you just don't give a damn how he feels. It's true with all broken relationships, they hurt until you refuse to be hurt anymore, or until enough time passes that they fade away. Things get better when new experiances replace old ones and time passes. Good luck to you,
herenow Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 It depends. If he has made a choice to deal with his problems, this could lead him to place where he has never been happier. On the other hand, if he continues his destructive behavior, he will just move on to his next victim and life goes on the same.
Author smile711 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 I guess he convinced me I was different from all the others from the very beginning. He always told me that he slept around but never fell in love and that he didn't want that with me, either. Then 8 months into things, we were in love and he said he had never felt that way before. I do know that he never left his marriage for an affair before, because his W doesn't know about the other affairs. They were short term compared to ours. He approached me at a very low point in my own marriage. He knew my ex husband and knew exactly what I wasn't getting in that relationship and he said and did all the right things and I fell for it. I know I was naive. If he is in a place now where he can change, yippee for him. All I know is that he has been lying and cheating for 20+ years and he is addicted to so many things that I don't have the time to list them all. I am NOT confident in his ability to change, though I know it shouldn't matter to me (it does ). I am always speaking out of a place of grief and especially embarrassment. To feel rejected is the worst feeling on earth. I would love to have the chance to reject him-maybe I'll get that chance once I am fully healed and ready to say no to him!
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 would love to have the chance to reject him-maybe I'll get that chance once I am fully healed and ready to say no to him! Well, reject him if he breaks NC. Ignore him. That is a good start. Eventually you won't care at all!
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