Love Triangle Break Up

[razimo]

I'm new to relationship forums and never thought I would ever be doing this so bear with me and please be as honest as possible about how you think i should feel.

 

I have been in a very unhealthy relationship with D who has been my girlfriend/FWB for the past 3 years. Ive known her all my life, and never really had much feelings for her at first. Things have changed since and I've grown increasingly more attached and in love with her over time. This girl is extremely attractive and the one that I thought was my perfect partner. She was my first true love and thats the hardest to get over. This love triangle started when i was eighteen, the summer before i went to college. Me and D went from being casual friends to FWB. I say FWB because she was dating someone at the time. She eventually broke up with him that first semester at college. Now there's also T, my good friend from high school and her EX from middle school. Hes always loved her and would do anything to be with her. Essentially my love triangle was between me D and T. Now to cut to the chase, and summarize the past 3 years, D feels that she has a bond between the both us. She feels very safe with us, trusts us and loves being with the both of us. T has told me on many occasions that i should never have gotten involved with her since they used to go out, and that i've known how he feels for her. Unfortunately i couldn't really help myself, also she initiated all the things that made our relationship more than just platonic and I don't think EXs in middle school really counts. Now we all go to university in different places and although i've had my share of flings, i've never really kept myself open for a relationship while at college. Now the triangle comes into play during Christmases and summers cause that's when we all go back home and see each other. Its weird cause since that summer fling shes been with the both of us on separate occasions throughout the 3 years. First Christmas back - with me. first summer back - with me we had a fight rest of the summer with T. Second Christmas back with T. Second summer back with T they fight the rest of the summer with me. Third Christmas back with me. Third summer back with me, we fight she's now with T and I'm here September of '08 back in school for my senior year and going out of my mind. Now for the most recent events, i did summer school for half of the summer, and so did she so we visited each other and things were great. We did however fight before going back home. When we got back things were back to normal but not exactly cause T was present at the time and just the way things used to happen was so weird. You see T has a sort of style of sticking to me all day so I couldn't have the chance to be with her alone. So we would see each other in this sick three person group where things were just weird and fake between us. It was really weird and even all my other friends would notice. At the same time he would jump at every opportunity to see her or be with her alone. I decided enough was enough and wanted to cut this craziness out of my life for good. So i stopped texting or speaking to her and wouldn't return any of her phone calls. Shes texted and tried calling me loads of times since my decision all throughout the summer but I've been strong enough to resist. Shes with him now but still texts me every now and then asking me if we're ever gonna speak again and that she really misses me and dreams of me and alot of other BS. i know she doesn't truly love me cause if she did she wouldn't be with another for the 5th time. She just wants me there, wants me hung up on her, wants to know she can be with me if things don't workout with T. You see shes messed up like that, shes very attractive but insecure and she craves attention, she thrives on it. But I'm not doing so well, its been two months since I've spoken to her, but all i think about is her, and how this could have happened, and of course how shes with him. This is not the first time this has happened so you would think i would have snapped out of this mess and moved on or at least not be so surprised or sad but i am, cause i was exclusively with her for the past year and i thought that meant something and that this love triangle crap was over, but it wasn't and never was gonna end. I know i have to keep myslef open, realize that ill find someone else and all that other crap people say in cases like this. But i wanted to just present my story to complete strangers and just see what they thought of the whole thing..how long am i gonna think of this?..could i ever be with her again? or is it done for life this time?...do you think D and T would last? have i been wasting my time and effort in a meaningless relationship?