simple_city_girl Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 hello friends, i have posted on this forum before and have got heartfelt responses. i am in a terrible mess right now. after struggling with this thought for almost one month, i tried to break my affair with MM after 3 years. since i work with him, he has always convinced me to stay. so even this time he tried to talk me out of this. and i agreed to stay saying i need to talk in detail. around this time he was supposed to go on a work holiday for 1 month, and so he immediately said to me that we can talk in detail after he comes back. but i was really ticked, why should i wait that long to talk when he doesn't even look interested like he really wants to talk?. just one day before his flight i wrote a long email to him saying i am leaving and thats it, its the end. he called me soon after reading my email and started to shout at me that when we had decided that we will talk when he comes back from his holiday then why i had to send this email, he tried a lot to convince me but i relented anyway we said bye. after that from the country where he went for his work thing, he sent me work related emails as if nothing had happened. i got really irritated and sent him another nasty email that all has ended and he cant assume all is okay here. after that i havent heard from him. i feel really terrible, i thought he would atleast talk with me, but he simply ignored me. and now i cannot focus on anything in the day and keep thinking about why he didnt reply to me email, as if nothing mattered to him anyway..... feels like this world is coming to an end.. i didnt want to wait 1 month to talk with him. and now after he comes back i am sure he is gonna show me his power and position in case i want to still continue this job and eventually i will have to say sorry that i was rude in my emails. this all sucks. i have ended this, then why am i not feeling relieved, i am still worrying about what he has to say to this, and that he might finally realise my importance.
Meaplus3 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 hello friends, i have posted on this forum before and have got heartfelt responses. i am in a terrible mess right now. after struggling with this thought for almost one month, i tried to break my affair with MM after 3 years. since i work with him, he has always convinced me to stay. so even this time he tried to talk me out of this. and i agreed to stay saying i need to talk in detail. around this time he was supposed to go on a work holiday for 1 month, and so he immediately said to me that we can talk in detail after he comes back. but i was really ticked, why should i wait that long to talk when he doesn't even look interested like he really wants to talk?. just one day before his flight i wrote a long email to him saying i am leaving and thats it, its the end. he called me soon after reading my email and started to shout at me that when we had decided that we will talk when he comes back from his holiday then why i had to send this email, he tried a lot to convince me but i relented anyway we said bye. after that from the country where he went for his work thing, he sent me work related emails as if nothing had happened. i got really irritated and sent him another nasty email that all has ended and he cant assume all is okay here. after that i havent heard from him. i feel really terrible, i thought he would atleast talk with me, but he simply ignored me. and now i cannot focus on anything in the day and keep thinking about why he didnt reply to me email, as if nothing mattered to him anyway..... feels like this world is coming to an end.. i didnt want to wait 1 month to talk with him. and now after he comes back i am sure he is gonna show me his power and position in case i want to still continue this job and eventually i will have to say sorry that i was rude in my emails. this all sucks. i have ended this, then why am i not feeling relieved, i am still worrying about what he has to say to this, and that he might finally realise my importance. Because your not quite over him yet. Any chance of finding a new job? AP:)
Lucky_One Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 "and now after he comes back i am sure he is gonna show me his power and position in case i want to still continue this job and eventually i will have to say sorry that i was rude in my emails." My mama would say that if a man can screw you one day and then try to fire you the next, then he is not a man who cares for people - or for you. (((((simple))))) But don't forget - you can't get mad at him for sending work related emails as though nothing has happened. You had an affair with someone at work; the job came first.
jj33 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Simple I know how you feel as I work with MM too tho not for him. First as people said work must go on so you will get work emails from him. Second and you know this you CANT send him personal stuff on work emails or your job could be in jeopardy. And not just from him. Employers randomly monoitor emails. You dont want to "out" the affair to the company. If you have something to say to him text him or email him on a personal account but dont use work emails. Finally as for the emotions what you are feeling is normal. You cared deeply for this man and the relationship never grew the way you wanted it to. And you still have to face him. Its not a good place to be. It still bothers me alot. I am trying to let it go. It takes time. And getting involved in other things. And when you are at work together changing your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking about him tell yourself to think about something else. Or if you find yourself obsessing tell yourself you can think about it for 3 minutes later in the day. If you keep putting it off you get through longer and longer chunks of time when it isnt bothering you. Hang in there. I know its difficult but it will get better.
Author simple_city_girl Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Finally as for the emotions what you are feeling is normal. You cared deeply for this man and the relationship never grew the way you wanted it to. And you still have to face him. Its not a good place to be. It still bothers me alot. I am trying to let it go. I thats exactly how it feels. i feel suffocated. i am not going to work these days and spending most time in bed sulking. thankfully i can write on this forum because thats helping me a lot. he hasnt got back to me. i dont know whats gonna happen when we is back in oct, he might expect me to be back to work or will convince me hard to be back to work. i want to end this, its giving me a lof of suffering. i just want to stay away from every place where he is, so i dont wanna go to work. i am just worried it will cost my career and work (i am 27). right now, all i can think about crying.... this situation is like a curse on me.
Lucky_One Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 "i am not going to work these days and spending most time in bed sulking.... i am just worried it will cost my career and work." This is not a newsflash. Staying in bed sulking and not going to work WILL cost your job. Grow up. Pull up your big girl panties. You made a decision to screw a guy at work. Relationships typically don't work out for long term. Get your butt out of bed and do your job as you were hired to do.
crystal_lostheart Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 SCG I know how that misery feels all to well - but you have to pick yourself up and move on - do you honestly think he is in bed at home sulking? Focus on you. It's hard but the less contact you have with him, the better for YOU. It's all about you now and I hope you can honestly find a new job right away from him... Take Care
jj33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Simple - I dont want to be harsh but you have to snap out of it. Unless you are spending your time at home sulking and job hunting or unless you have independent means of support you MUST get out of bed and go to work. Even if you go to the bathroom every 15 minutes for a quick cry. You think you have troubles now? Heartbroken and unemployed will be worse. Then you will really have something to cry about and the heartbreak will dull in comparison to trying to pay the bills. How are you managing to get a month off? Have you been signed off on some sort of short term disability? (in which case you are ok being at home)? You CAN NOT let this ruin your life. The power is in your hands. Even if you cry at your desk and believe me you wont. You might think you will but you wont. Absent a sign off from your doctor you cant be out of work for an extended period of time. And he is not worth it. You are 27. As much as it feels like your heart will never mend, whether it does or not, do you want to risk your career over this? No you dont. And think about it this way. If this guy were single and he dumped you, would you be begging him to take you back? No you would not. You would accept that he had the bad judgement to let you go and you would move on. Its not any different because he is married. You wouldnt let your career go over a single guy dont make an exception here. I know its difficult but unless you are a trust fund baby and that doesnt sound like the case, you need to support yourself. It will be hard going back to work but it will show you how very strong you are. Each day may be hell at the beginning but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Are you seeing a therapist? It sounds like you could use some in person support and help with the anxiety of facing him. When you get an email from him for work just realize he is doing the job he is paid to do and you are doing yours. I hope today is easier for you. Take good care
Lostgurl Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Although i'm against and close minded about the whole infidelity thing, i still feel for you. It's simple. You sound like a beautiful smart independant woman. Let go of him. You already have done the hardest part of letting go, so keep going. I've had so many friends that have cried on my shoulder because they fell inlove with emotionally unavailable men. Your man is the same. Let him go. Find someone that you can enjoy in all facets. You deserve it. In time you'll find it. I feel weird saying all this, because i feel like a hypocrite, and that i should take my own advice But i believe it. I, myself am gearing up for the same "type" of thing you are. Good luck.
Recommended Posts