Should I have made a cheater out of her?

[the_blur]

I'm keeping these here for safe keeping as it is no longer safe to keep them in my email drafts folder for fear that I might send one accidentally (which happened a few days ago to GREAT embarrassment)...

 

What do you guys think of just wearing your heart totally on your sleeve? I tend not to hide anything from girls, the moment I like them, I make it really obvious ... sometimes by writing crazy thoughts running through my head about them into an email and then sending the ****ing thing by accident (never CTRL-ENTER in an email program unless you are sure you want to send).

 

So this is the really terrible one:

 

/*

Some background: I started giving this girl lifts after I met her at paddling (I paddle competitively in summer).

 

I was initially thrilled with her and I thought we got along famously...

 

Later on, I went to a post race dinner with my team where she came and lo and behold, boyfriend came too. I was NOT impressed with boyfriend. The guy is _way_ below her league in addition to being an enraging pushover. He brings out every possible predator / alpha male instinct in me (I'm a decent sized guy and I train in fighting sports (5'10" / 220). Anyway I'm way better than this dweeb, at least at first glance (maybe he's got a pink fire hydrant in his pants, who knows).

 

Later on at the official end of the season I drove her to and from a party, so boyfriend got to watch me pull up to the curb, put his woman in my front seat and _wave_ to him as I took her with me to a team party he was not coming to.

 

He texted her maybe 3-4 times that night toward the end of the evening the needy little pup. Probably to ensure that she wasn't at the mexican buffet having all the man he isn't.

 

At the end of the night, like an idiot, I was a ****ing gentleman and didn't make a move on the girl, which is what every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do (remember that sentence because hilarity will ensue).

 

So I made sure she got out of the car safely, and up to her apartment, I went home.

 

I was so hot and bothered I had to get this off my chest, so I wrote it into an email _addressed to her_ (never again) and then I committed that cardinal sin, I was pasting a line and carriage return and big mistake -> sent!

 

So I have a few questions:

 

- Seriously, what do women see in really weak, passive, shy men who even they could physically overpower? I mean seriously this guy is borderline infirm and here I am, good looking, strong as a bull and good hearted and I leave this girl with that flatliner...

 

- Should I have just made a move on her in the car, and to hell with boyfriends or whatever? (keep in mind I have no idea how serious she is about this guy, but I sure as **** hope to vishnu that it's "not very" the guy is a ****ing LOSER

 

- Should I feel bad about stealing cute girls from dweebs? (Keep in mind my only long term relationship with a girl lasted 9 years and I stole her from a guy who she liked more than me (he was a dweebling) ... (which came back to haunt me 9 years later))

 

*/

 

Oh god, so here it is, I sent this bad boy: Feel free to begin a relentless bout of breaking my balls as I know I totally deserve it for not being more careful. (Apologies in advance for my horrible writing, I'm a bit of a philistine meathead, so what sounds cute and romantic to me, decidedly may not to you!)

 

---

 

From the first time you got in my car to go to practice, I've been stealing furtive glances at you (perhaps not so furtive as I would like since I'm pretty sure you've caught me looking). My god you are a pretty girl. Your earnest, sweet, caramel gaze and easy smile froze me in my tracks. You had me the moment we locked eyes and I heard your voice. (I remember the very first words you said to me). What I wouldn't do for the briefest touch of your skin, the smell of your hair, the taste of your lips. That was a tough drive for me just now =) I was going just under the speed limit (so as to not arouse your suspicion), because the sound of your voice is like music to me, especially when you speak french, and I just had to keep that going as long as I could. I could listen to you talk about anything for hours, I just love the sound of you.

 

You looked absolutely ravishing tonight. That dress... I am pretty sure you did not catch me looking but you did not make it easy for me to push away the advancing tide of thoughts filled with your flesh.

 

When we said goodbye, every cell, every molecule of my being was screaming, screaming at me to put both my hands in your long hair and kiss you hard on those gorgeous full lips of yours =). (my heart is beating so hard right now)

 

It feels good to want someone this badly.

 

And her heartbreaking response:

 

--- Should I post it?

[Tomcat33]

Are you kidding me? Of COURSE you should, let's have it. What was her response????

[djhall]

You got me... if this is for real I want to know too!

[the_blur]

Are you kidding me? Of COURSE you should, let's have it. What was her response????

 

Of course I should make a cheater out of her? or of course I should post her response? It's rather anti-climactic ...

 

Anyway, I have to go paddle 20K now let's hope I can do it with a broken heart. I'll just pretend I'm spearing her boyfriend in the guts when I paddle, that should get me through it.

[Walk]

Great email.

 

You put a lot of emphasis on your physical appearance. You said you drove her once, and saw her at a dinner once, and now you suddenly KNOW this girl would be a great match for you. That's not even enough time to get to know a person. What other reasons, besides looks, do you have for wanting to rip apart this girls relationship? Those better be some very unique characteristics that can't be found in any other (single) women to justify damaging a relationship and causing pain.

 

Why is the one you can't have more important the the numerous other women out there that are single right now? You said your last gf you stole from someone else. You might want to reconsider "why" you want this girl (other then she's hot), but what draws you to women who are already in committed relationships?

 

If she allows you to pursue her while in a relationship, then you're setting yourself up for failure. (I'd add proof of why/how, but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet)

 

Whether you pursue her or not is strictly up to you. I can't help but question the validity of your reasons behind it though.

[Lucky_One]

I guess it is just your ego that thinks that it is impossible for a woman to like someone other than a handsome, hunk of sexy man like you? (I hope you could hear the sarcasm.)

 

I wouldn't mess with you if I met you, bc you sound like an absolute ditz. Her BF might be weaker and smaller, but trust me - that has nothing to do with being a real man.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. Seriously, what do women see in really weak, passive, shy men who even they could physically overpower? I mean seriously this guy is borderline infirm and here I am, good looking, strong as a bull and good hearted and I leave this girl with that flatliner...

 

2. Should I have just made a move on her in the car, and to hell with boyfriends or whatever? (keep in mind I have no idea how serious she is about this guy, but I sure as **** hope to vishnu that it's "not very" the guy is a ****ing LOSER

 

3. Should I feel bad about stealing cute girls from dweebs? (Keep in mind my only long term relationship with a girl lasted 9 years and I stole her from a guy who she liked more than me (he was a dweebling) ... (which came back to haunt me 9 years later))

 

1. A couple of things come to mind:

 

a. perhaps he was more like you and she pussywhipped him and put his balls in her purse, and uses him like a willing gimp

b. perhaps she is attracted to men like this because they complete some part of her

c. perhaps she cuckolds him on a regular basis and he is simply used to it

 

Either way, the things that draw two people together are apparent. The things that keep them together aren't. There's no real way of telling. I can tell you this though: when a person is stubbornly with someone, regardless of how mystified you are as to why - there is usually a reason. Look at it not as someone she is stuck with, but ask yourself why she chose to be with someone like this. You may uncover some parts of her personality that may make her less appealing as a partner than you originally thought.

 

2. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. No amount of speculation is going to satisfy at this point. If you get her alone again, try and see what happens. She may go for it, she may not - but if she were really interested in being with you, and not just as a side diversion to fill in the gaps where her b/f might leave unsatisfied - then she probably would have found a way to make him scarce: either keeping him off the scene, or asking for a 'break'. She may well do that after you make your move, who knows? If she has the 'dating monkey' syndrome, she won't let go of b/f until she knows she has a very firm grip on you.

 

3. I don't know that I would feel bad about stealing a girl so much as I would feel bad about ending up with someone who dates 'dweebs' for a reason - she may well be more compatible with a dweeb, and a nightmare with you. There's no way to tell really.

 

As for your note: NO, you shouldn't have sent it. Better to show her how you feel instead of writing it. You would have had a greater impact that way.

[stoopid_guy]

First of all, you can't make a cheater out of her. Period. If she went out with you, it's her decision, she would be the one deciding whether or not to be a cheater.

 

Second, she may not like meatheads with massive egos. She may actually prefer a guy who's in love with her instead of in love with himself.

[Tomcat33]

Of course I should make a cheater out of her? or of course I should post her response? It's rather anti-climactic ...

 

Anyway, I have to go paddle 20K now let's hope I can do it with a broken heart. I'll just pretend I'm spearing her boyfriend in the guts when I paddle, that should get me through it.

 

 

NO, of course you should post the response NOT make a cheater out of her. Stoopidguy said it best you can't make a cheater out of anyone, though I might add with that email and your disdain for the "weakling" boyfriend you sure are trying hard to break them up. That's not cool. It's one thing if she had come to you and said I want out and here's why _________________ and then you met the boyfriend, but these are all your assumptions based on your need to be with her, so of course you will see him as a loser.

 

So did you send that email or not then your post is confusing, and did she respond. If so what did she say?

 

Second, she may not like meatheads with massive egos. She may actually prefer a guy who's in love with her instead of in love with himself.

 

I LOVED that lined Stoopidguy!!

 

In "Meathead's" defense we have all wondered "my goodness what the hell does she see in him or he see in her" it's human nature when we see a couple that seem imbalanced from the outside to wonder what is keeping them together. But most people don't go out of their way to scheme to break two people up.

 

The_Blur (too bad your name is so cool and it's after one of my fave bands) what you are doing is the true definition of breaking up a couple.

[xpaperxcutx]

Stop stealing other people's gfs!!!!

 

But that was an absolute classic email. You sound like a romantic were it not for your Casanova nature. Lose that self righteous vanity of yours and maybe you'll understand why she's with her bf and not you.

 

Btw, what was her response?

[the_blur]

I wouldn't mess with you if I met you, bc you sound like an absolute ditz. Her BF might be weaker and smaller, but trust me - that has nothing to do with being a real man.

 

The singular of dits, is dit. You mean I sound like a dit. You might not even be into me physically if you met me, not everyone is... A lot of women don't like the big muscular look.

[the_blur]

As for your note: NO, you shouldn't have sent it. Better to show her how you feel instead of writing it. You would have had a greater impact that way.

 

Trust me I wouldn't have sent it if I wasn't a spastic idiot. =)

[Tomcat33]

so what was her reaction, what's with all the mystery? Did she reject you THAT bad?

[the_blur]

Great email.

 

Lol, thanks

 

I have a ton of those. I never send them ... I just write them for unavailable girls I like and keep them secret ... usually that's the plan. I just screwed up with this one.

 

You put a lot of emphasis on your physical appearance.

 

****in A yeah, as a reformed 267 lb fatass tub of ****, I did a lot of hard work to look the way I do now. That's the only reason.

 

You said you drove her once, and saw her at a dinner once, and now you suddenly KNOW this girl would be a great match for you. That's not even enough time to get to know a person. What other reasons, besides looks, do you have for wanting to rip apart this girls relationship?

 

I should have been more clear. I didn't just see her twice, I saw her a whole bunch of times, at paddling festivals, at practice, driving to and from practice, I helped her move, at that party... Anyway, I know her superficially and she told me some strange things too. For one, she doesn't want anyone to know she's dating this guy. She told me to keep it quiet qhen I helped her move because her father was there. Obviously BF couldn't be there because he couldn't lift a tissue box. I went and helped, because that's what teammates do (esp. for cute teammates!).

 

Her fatherwho I spoke to for quite a while while moving is under the impression she's single and pointed that out to me no less than 3-4 times while I was helping them move. It was hilarious he was doing a wonderful sales job.

 

Those better be some very unique characteristics that can't be found in any other (single) women to justify damaging a relationship and causing pain.

 

Why is the one you can't have more important the the numerous other women out there that are single right now? You said your last gf you stole from someone else.

 

You might want to reconsider "why" you want this girl (other then she's hot), but what draws you to women who are already in committed relationships?

 

I want her because of the reasons in my email. She doesn't even have blue / green eyes. That's usually not negotiable with me, I dunno. It's her voice. It's the fact that she's so idealistic and a bit naive and thinks she can change the world (and she just might!) ...

 

If she allows you to pursue her while in a relationship, then you're setting yourself up for failure. (I'd add proof of why/how, but the coffee hasn't kicked in yet)

 

**** it, I wont waste my time. I'll let dweeb have her. Obviously you're not the only person telling me this.

 

I asked her co-worker by the way about this dweeb guy, everyone in the office thinks he's most likely to end up in a bell tower naked with a high powered rifle. That's the kind of solitary, painfully shy loner he is.

 

Whether you pursue her or not is strictly up to you. I can't help but question the validity of your reasons behind it though.

 

No, I'm not pursuing her. As of this moment she's dead to me.

[Legend]

response plz.?

[Tomcat33]

response plz.?

 

 

I know seriously he keeps avoiding it!!

 

Obviously she dumped him nice and hard because of the tone of his posts now.

[the_blur]

Stop stealing other people's gfs!!!!

 

But that was an absolute classic email. You sound like a romantic were it not for your Casanova nature. Lose that self righteous vanity of yours and maybe you'll understand why she's with her bf and not you.

 

Btw, what was her response?

 

Hehe, glad you liked the email. I also think I'm a hopeless romantic and an expert in pining, since I have no idea wtf to say to women once I approach them.

 

I am not a casanova, far from it. Truth be told I don't have the foggiest idea how to deal with women and the fact that I write women letters I never send them should clue you in as to what a worthless coward I really am. I have no game whatsoever.

 

Remember, I was in a R for 9 years, that started when I was 23, and I never cheated. Prior to that I had dated very little as I had always been the painfully shy loner.

 

I am also extremely strange and have weird ideas about everything.

 

I spent most of my life as "the jolly fat guy". In public, I still tell the team I am an out of shape disgusting fatbody (which I am, until I can cut weight to make 185 (I'm 215 now)).

 

Her response was that she's very flattered but that she's unavailable and hopes we can remain friends without it being awkward. (Of course it won't be awkward, I don't really take rejection personally (and that's not what this really is...) but **** man, I just want her...)

 

Anyway, my other teammate on the boat was also very disappointed that she had a bf. She thought we would've made a cute couple.

 

I thought so too, I'm 215, she's about 175, I train in MMA, she has a long proud Judo background and the medals and trophies to prove it.

 

She has a paris accent in french which is a huge turn on for me (I have a thing for accents esp. french)

 

I dunno, she seemed perfect.

 

Too bad. I'll never know now. I hope the earth gets hit by a 4000 ton asteroid tomorrow.

[Tomcat33]

Hey sorry to hear you were rejected, but you did hit on a taken girl DUHHH.

She was honest with you and though you don't understand it from the outside whatever she has with the dweeb works for her, so please respect that.

 

Maybe you hit on her because you know she was going to reject you, maybe there is something deeper going on here given your past. Think about why you set yourself up to be rejected like this.

 

Hey but thanks for the control/enter tip you have NO idea how many times my fingers slipped and sent emails and I had NO idea why!!

I have stared at that general little area on the bottom right hand corner of where the pinky of the right hand resides on the keyboard and for the life of me have never been able to figure it out.

[xpaperxcutx]

Hehe, glad you liked the email. I also think I'm a hopeless romantic and an expert in pining, since I have no idea wtf to say to women once I approach them.

 

I am not a casanova, far from it. Truth be told I don't have the foggiest idea how to deal with women and the fact that I write women letters I never send them should clue you in as to what a worthless coward I really am. I have no game whatsoever.

 

Remember, I was in a R for 9 years, that started when I was 23, and I never cheated. Prior to that I had dated very little as I had always been the painfully shy loner.

 

I am also extremely strange and have weird ideas about everything.

 

I spent most of my life as "the jolly fat guy". In public, I still tell the team I am an out of shape disgusting fatbody (which I am, until I can cut weight to make 185 (I'm 215 now)).

 

Her response was that she's very flattered but that she's unavailable and hopes we can remain friends without it being awkward. (Of course it won't be awkward, I don't really take rejection personally (and that's not what this really is...) but **** man, I just want her...)

 

Anyway, my other teammate on the boat was also very disappointed that she had a bf. She thought we would've made a cute couple.

 

I thought so too, I'm 215, she's about 175, I train in MMA, she has a long proud Judo background and the medals and trophies to prove it.

 

She has a paris accent in french which is a huge turn on for me (I have a thing for accents esp. french)

 

I dunno, she seemed perfect.

 

Too bad. I'll never know now. I hope the earth gets hit by a 4000 ton asteroid tomorrow.

 

I bet you used to suffer fears of rejection because of your weight. So you subconsciously seek out girls who are unavailable to justify why they keep turning you down. Sorry, I'm no psychologist, but I think that if you learn to overlook the superficiality of things, maybe you'll find someone who will accept you for you. I know how important it is to keep in shape, but you need to look further into a person's personality, rather than their appearances.

 

In general, you've managed to describe her physical attributes to a ten but what about her personality? If you take out her accent and all her medals and whatnot, would you still see her as " perfect"?

[the_blur]

I know seriously he keeps avoiding it!!

 

Obviously she dumped him nice and hard because of the tone of his posts now.

 

I dunno, is this a hard landing?

****, I'm very flattered, but I am unavailable. I would like us

to remain friends and I hope a friendship can continue with no awkwardness.

 

Rest assured this e-mail will be "autoclaved" and you need not worry that things will be complicated. I'll see you at the BBQ!

 

Take Care,

 

*****

[Tomcat33]

I dunno, is this a hard landing?

****, I'm very flattered, but I am unavailable. I would like us

to remain friends and I hope a friendship can continue with no awkwardness.

 

Rest assured this e-mail will be "autoclaved" and you need not worry that things will be complicated. I'll see you at the BBQ!

 

Take Care,

 

*****

 

 

Yes and no, yes because ultimately you can't have her and things did not turn out in your favour but no because she was very nice about it. But don't be fooled like there is still a glimmer of hope, most people would be nice about it taken or not who would not be flattered when someone offered such a detailed romantic letter expressing admiration for them. Especially someone likable like you, she likes you obviously but she loves her dweeb.

[the_blur]

I bet you used to suffer fears of rejection because of your weight. So you subconsciously seek out girls who are unavailable to justify why they keep turning you down.

 

You know what this totally makes sense. That may be exactly what I'm doing. Of course I don't KNOW a girl is taken until I ask...but to pursue girls like that maybe I insist on it because I want to face rejection and grow to be completely unaffected by it (that would be awesome, I'd be shameless).

 

So what do I do, simply stay away from every girl because she might be taken? Ask in some really stupid way like "... so does your boyfriend paddle too?" It's so transparently obvious. You may as well just stop playing the stupid game and ask her point blank if she's single, which I would definitely prefer and just let her know you're interested. Why run around in these pointless circles?

[the_blur]

Especially someone likable like you, she likes you obviously but she loves her dweeb.

 

lol, she loves him so much she's embarrassed to admit that she's dating him even to her coworkers ...

[Tomcat33]

lol, she loves him so much she's embarrassed to admit that she's dating him even to her coworkers ...

 

Doesn't matter she choosed to be faithful to him even when she has the chance to be with someone way better, that says a lot.

 

 

Anyway I suggested you delve deeper into why you choose to hit on this girl because of this"

 

Why is the one you can't have more important the the numerous other women out there that are single right now?

 

Then when you mentioned your weight and shyness problems in the past it summed it up nicely.

[Tomcat33]

So what do I do, simply stay away from every girl because she might be taken? Ask in some really stupid way like "... so does your boyfriend paddle too?" It's so transparently obvious. You may as well just stop playing the stupid game and ask her point blank if she's single, which I would definitely prefer and just let her know you're interested. Why run around in these pointless circles?

 

No, but don't look at every woman like a potential g/f look at them like human beings first. Do what all the rest of us do. When you go into a new job and see a bunch of new women are you putting dibs on them? Most people don't do that, they learn to look at the opposite sex as human beings. Granted you can develope attractions to unavailable people at times it does happen, but you should never set out to break up a couple just because you find a girl attractive. I bet you any money that if she did end u going for you you would prob not even want her after you had her for a month.

 

If you really fell in love with her it does happen, but otherwise it seems like you have a deeper issue here. Pick women that will welcome your passes, have faith in yourself and your new you.