blondiepants Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been having a slightly weird relationship lately, and I am feeling weird about what I did tonight. Yesterday my boyfriend started a new job. During an hour of his day that he had off, I called him and he was very cold to me - didn't want to tell me about his day and almost seemed annoyed that I was calling. He came back after a full day and was super exhausted. After a long phone call with his buddy from home, he went right into the bedroom and lied down to watch TV. He said he was tired, and I left him alone. We hadn't talked all day, so I was a little bit bummed not to spend time with him, but I let it be. Around dinner time, her came out and grabbed dinner (that I had made), went back into the bedroom, and shut the door. I was a bit peeved, so I asked him to come out and eat with me. He did (angrily), but went immediately into the bedroom immediately afterward. When I got into bed later that night, he tried to have sex with me. I wasn't so into it since i had felt a little ignored that night, so I vetoed the sex idea. Anyway, today rolls around and he is the same way in the morning. Super distant, but does take the time to chat online with another buddy. I tried to get him to talk, but he wasn't interested. He had a work social function tonight, and I was planning on goign with him. He didn't seem too enthusiastic about me going, but I was looking forward to it. He said he was goign to be home at 5:15, and that we would leave shortly thereafter for the party. I get dressed and ready - make-up and hair is done. I sit down to wait. 5:15 rolls around, no bf. 5:45 - no bf. 6:30 - no bf. No phone call - nothing. Finally he shows up at 6:40, and immediately jumps into the shower. I continue to sit on the couch as he showers and gets ready. He barely says a word to me. Anyway, to make a long story short, I told him I wasn't interested in going anymore. Based on the fact that he ignored me the previous day, and today didn't even have the courtesy to call when he was late, I just wasn't interested anymore. We argued for a while, and he finally left. Did I do the right thing? We have been doing well lately - no fighting or anything. But I just felt really taken advantage of... and like I'm really nothign important for him to consider. I don't know - did i overreact? He made me feel guilty for not coming, but I just was so irritated at how he treated me the last couple of days that I didn't even want to go. Did I do the right thing? Feeling guilty...
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I am assuming if things have been okay in the relationship, that his change of behaviour may be due to heavy stress. Starting a new job may be a source of pressure. Often sex is a way of releasing stress (whereas talking it out isn't "their way". That could explain why he has been caving and non-communicative, but wanting the sex. I wouldn't have gone with him either. I think the best way to handle his childish caving behaviour is to take control and start doing your own thing. You can let him know you are there for him when he is ready to talk, and then start making plans of your own. Go out with your gf's- get dressed up and go shopping. Man, if I were you- and I was all dressed and ready to go and he did that to me- I would have told him I was calling up some friends and heading out on my own! Obviously, he is going through something. The best way to handle it is to let him have his space and leave him alone. Guys need to do this sometimes. When he's ready, he'll snap back. Unless it's a relationship issue- he may just be trying to fix a problem that has nothing to do with you or your relationship. We ALL know that when guys are trying to fix something- they don't like help. So, do your own thing. Don't even be at home when he returns from work. Grab coffee with friends or catch a movie. He'll get the picture he is behaving badly.
Author blondiepants Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Thanks for that response. I guess the reason I felt guilty was the voice inside that was saying "if he's stressed, you should be there for him" But you're right - he shouldn't be doing that crap regardless. And yes - after more than an hour and a half of sitting and waiting for him while ready to go, I was PISSED. Next time I'll call up some friends and go hang out with them. Tonight I'm in by myself. It's kind of nice, actually!
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